staring at the ceiling, while lying on the bed, lights off, while listening to the rain drops hitting the roof and tar road. heart rate beating eva so slowly. the room is just pitch black except for the lights omitted from my lappie. i think it'l be a very random post...
i like rain... it's just so serene. it's just so... i can't find the right words to describe it. nevertheless, it calms me. ever try walking under the rain. nice feeling. you should try tat someday... ever experience that your day was so dreadful, you wish to just burried your head, and suddenly the rain just hits you, the strength just enough to make you come to your senses, and wash all your sorrows away. 1 word to describe it; shiok!
well, today i didn't went under the rain to let it hit me today, neither did i let it wash my sorrows. but i hid in my room, poundering what has happened to me for the past few months. 2 words to describe; roller coaster.
so many things happened, yet so many things did not materialise. i'm glad that both things happened and didn't materialise. i used to tell myself, everything happened for a reason, and the reason for it to happen is for the best outcome for the people, environment or things that involved. i finally found the REAL reason for the things that is happening around me, and the outcome has never been better. i was so foolish to perceive otherwise. the all mighty never lies. and i apologies for doubting.
at times, i just don't want to accept the fact, i just don't want to move. and is so easy to linger around our comfort zone. and keep on dwelling on the 'drama' that had happened, although it constantly feed me with tears and heart breaks. honestly, it is so much easier to do so, compare to taking another step forward. everytime i try my hardest to climb out from the hole, just one more step, or pull, or wateva it should be call. i get pulled down again, the strength is just so strong that i have to succumb to it, totally surrender. white flag. but while i manage to come back to my senses, it was too late, i'm right where i have started b4. point zero.
a fren once told me that i'm much more mature than i look and the way i act. (mentally la, dun always think of my appearance k, i still look young compare to my age) it kept me wondering. to come to think of it, not really lo. if i'm mature enough, i will be able to handle the situation well. if i'm mature enough, i won't react to the way i shouldn't have. although i'm 23, i sometimes still feel like a young kid, still trying to search for his identity.
letting go of something is hard. is just like giving your last piece of salmon sushi to someone, and tat bugger dont know how to appreciate it, just chew twice, and spit back out because stupid bugger can't withstand the raw.ness and wasabi he just dipped in. wat to do, us humans sometimes are dumb asses too. knowing the fact that, that bugger will spit it out, we still give in. y?? cuz we are too blardy nice. good, warm n nice ppl, walkin on this surface of earth, waiting for ppl to take advantage of us.
nah.. i'm just kidding.. there are still kind souls out there that appreciate us rite? rite?? (i hope)
my melatonin level is increasing, n circardian system is kicking in.
meaning???
i'm goin to bed... zzzzz
sweet dreams peeps to be continue...
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