99th post

can i walk out of this darkness? dunno...

do i want to walk out this darkness? certainly so...

but how to? i seriously got it figured all out. but dont know what is holding me back. fear of lost? fear of getting hurt? again... i don't know y... but sometimes i just can't let go. even i have said i wanted to. n i can't stop blaming myself. even i know is not my fault. (not totally, but paritally) but the things that you hide from me, it just reveal itself to me, even i did not want to find out. why did you lie and hide things from me, when i ask you. it makes matters worst. padahal, all along i've been truthful and honest with you. btw, you sucks at lying. i didn't want to hide things from you at the first place. cuz it probably jeapardize the whole thing.

guess it didn't work out.

time pass by, and things change. change rather drastically. i still can't accept the fact that you could change so rather quickly. but what can i do?? NOTHING!! you give me no chance of redeeming myself. no room for making errors. this isn't how a relationship works. you said it yourself, 'we will work things out' - bullshit.

is this karma? is this the cycle i need to go thru? all these, just bcuz i made ppl suffered b4. i've regret it then, i've regret that i've made bad decisions that probably put them in misery rather than giving happiness. if so, i really thank you. not you. but You.

i've always wonder to myself, why am i so attach to you. but i think i've found my answer. i'm grateful that we crossed path, if not, i wouldn't have experience such wonderful experiences.

last time i don't know how to love and care for a person. seriously. (probably a slow learner) i take, i'm sorry... i took u, and i've tried a whole new approached. but guess that wasn't never enough. and now, i don't know how to treat people with care, i don't know how to love a person anymore. best of all, i've lost trust in loving a person. for now.

there's so much to write, talk, blame, analyse.... and yet, i've don't have the strength to dwell on the 'drama' again. at least, i don't want to. is just tiring.

2008 is in 2 days time. guess is a perfect time to write my new year resolution.

walk out of the cage, the whole sky will be yours. (joie,2007)

tat's not my resolution. well, part of it. i'm saving it for my 100th post. =)