what if i drive a lil slower...
what if i studied a lil bit more...
what if i be a lil more persistent...
what if you met your guy/gal of your dreams that is your best friend's wife/husband...
what if you bought yester Toto...
what if things were handled a bit different back then...
what if.. what if... what if.....
there are thousands and millions of what if, if things never to work out in our favour.
we go thru life, wondering what if i've done this, what if i've done that... could the results be different if i've done otherwise. why didn't i follow my gut feeling, what if...
if we only know, we would be genius, we would be millionaires, we would all be ... dead. come to think of it, there's wouldn't be life after what if... there is just possibilities that things might be different; IF we handle things differently, IF we could see it coming, IF things go our way.
sometimes we know what we should do, but there would always be benificiary of doubt, WHAT IF we try it the other way. and that doubt always comes barking back at us, if it didn't go our way.
life is always bout choices, and is fasinating how we make our choice throughout the journey of our life. a friend once told me, there's never a right or wrong choice; it's just a choice that we choose on that period of time, in that particular situation, we thought it was the most appropriate one. we thought. so, when is ever the right or wrong choice? you see... there's none. is just that our perceptive changes against the situation that happened. so, we think we have made a wrong choice. but actual fact is, we chose that particular road, because we thought is the right one.
these 'what ifs' has been bugging me since... forever.. all these 'what ifs'... seriously can 'eat' a person up. i'm a person who thinks alot. thinks alot of impossible stuff. or you could say irrelevant stuff. and at times, it really can hurt internally. at least, i feel it.
what if....
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Sunday, May 25, 2008
futsal competition *edited
just finished a futsal competition, organized by the student council department. the team did very well, didnt' expect to qualify for finals, but we DID!! woohoo! sadly, not the fairy tale we wanted. lost to Fabio's team, which they have our dean in their team. no one really dare to touch him. (probably scare he will fail our paper gua. lol)
overall, we did great. thanks to Benjamin, our keeper, he was superb throughout the tournament, made plenty of great saves. our strike force, Edmund and Jeff. together they score 10 goals. is like combination of rooney and torres. lolz... (Jeff supports liverpool, and Ed supports MU). and our manager, Michael 'Benitez' (told you you should bring in Ferguson instead of Benitez 1 la.. lolz! kidding) anyway, u did great. and the only gal in the team, Besty. she did great too... marked Fabio till he needs to go back and defend his team. whereas the other 2 unknown players, Darryl and me. we are bench warmer. actually, Darryl started more than me. so, yea... BUT... i'm happy to be in the team. finalist wei... at least is something. heheehee...
the team not bad right, not really Action, but got loads of Potential to do better. tat's our team name anyway, if you don't get it..
is Action Potential.
and for Aili, Mandy, and Sharon, and Hau Ran.. thx for coming to support the team! appreciate it =)
Thursday, May 22, 2008
9 lives
they say cat has 9 lives. do you belief it??
well, i think i do... at least. period.
couple of days ago, i parked my car at the usual lorong beside my house. that particular morning, went to fetch my friend as we head to Pavilion to catch a movie. as i was reversing my car, i was a motorbike approaching from far, so i stopped. suddenly i saw a cat in front of me, sorta 'dancing' with it's belly facing up. so, i didn't bother much. i thought it was playing or something. as i look closer, it was vomitting blood. and it was not 'dancing' instead it was STRUGGLING for life.
i feel so bad... really really bad.
then i called my mom... i didn't know why i called her, but yea.. i did. she just chuckled, and said 'start praying la.. hopefully it's souls won't come back and hunt you.' tunggu apa lagi... after putting down the phone, i mumble, say, recite every darn thing i could remember, learnt n heard before from the Buddha's scroll, Bible, Quran... seriously. no joking.
i don't even killed cockcroaches, lizards, ants, especially cockcroach... (cuz i'm kind-hearted) and also scared of it (not really). main ppint IS, i'm kind-hearted.
anyway, just a couple of days ago, as i was parking at my usual spot, i saw a cat, exactly like the 1 i ACCIDENTLY killed. it was there, staring at me. literately staring at me. scary...
so, do you belief that cat has 9 lives?
hard not to believe huh...
P/S: at least, i'm not like someone, who kick a cat into a pool. that's cruel.
well, i think i do... at least. period.
couple of days ago, i parked my car at the usual lorong beside my house. that particular morning, went to fetch my friend as we head to Pavilion to catch a movie. as i was reversing my car, i was a motorbike approaching from far, so i stopped. suddenly i saw a cat in front of me, sorta 'dancing' with it's belly facing up. so, i didn't bother much. i thought it was playing or something. as i look closer, it was vomitting blood. and it was not 'dancing' instead it was STRUGGLING for life.
i feel so bad... really really bad.
then i called my mom... i didn't know why i called her, but yea.. i did. she just chuckled, and said 'start praying la.. hopefully it's souls won't come back and hunt you.' tunggu apa lagi... after putting down the phone, i mumble, say, recite every darn thing i could remember, learnt n heard before from the Buddha's scroll, Bible, Quran... seriously. no joking.
i don't even killed cockcroaches, lizards, ants, especially cockcroach... (cuz i'm kind-hearted) and also scared of it (not really). main ppint IS, i'm kind-hearted.
anyway, just a couple of days ago, as i was parking at my usual spot, i saw a cat, exactly like the 1 i ACCIDENTLY killed. it was there, staring at me. literately staring at me. scary...
so, do you belief that cat has 9 lives?
hard not to believe huh...
P/S: at least, i'm not like someone, who kick a cat into a pool. that's cruel.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
warning: this could be a very long post, or maybe not. n it could be very random.
i don't like what i'm feeling right now. in fact, i hate it. somehow, deep inside, i wanted so much more. yes, i'm a greedy person. who doesn't. who doesn't want the best for themselves? who doesn't want everything they could ever have?? i feel good, and at the same time, i don't. what's wrong with me? seriously, i don't know what my mind is going thru. and i doubt you will ever be able to.
i don't know what i want. and yet, i have everything i ever wanted. maybe there's more i could ask for. that's a whole different issue. i just dont' like what i'm feeling right now. there's a certain anger, sad to say it's not fire of enthusiasm, but, fire of hatred. and i so badly want to put it out. i don't intend to hurt anyone. ( i don't have the guts to do it, anyways) i just feel like vend my anger on someone, or something. i think i'll go for the latter, at least, the one who will be hurt is me.
i don't want to be sick again. i never want to fall sick again. i hate falling sick. i had the chance to be immortal, and i blew my chances. and now, i'm forever stuck in this cycle of birth and rebirth. i'm sick and tired of running. i'm sick and tired of trying. and i'm sick and tired of being. why can't i just be...
life is a journey. in fact, a long one. in fact, even we are dead, we are still walking on a trail that it has paved, or just some rocks and tree trunks we need to move in order to continue walking. it's true, if you really think bout it. if you can't figure it out, time will tell.
society puts a tag on each and everyone of us. what roles you should play, what image you should potray, and what are our reactions normally be? accept. soak in every bits of information that is being send out by the society. just like a sponge. what if we do exactly the opposite? people will think you are weird, people will think you are NOT in the 'normal' league. so to speak. then, there will be expectation we need to live up to. expectation that could bore some of us, and if we are no stronger, it'll just wipe you off from this surface of earth. that you never really existed.
honestly, i don't have self-esteem. i don't have confidence in me. i wish i could that wee bit of it, and yet, i just couldn't squeeze that wee bit out from it. i'm just potraying what you think i have. actual fact is, i have none. i'm just an empty, hollow nut shell. and the layer is so thin and fragile, it could be break so darn ****ing easy. on the other hand, i know very well that if i don't fall, i will never be able to experience pain. i will never be able to learn. god, sometimes life is just so complicated. and i hate complicated stuff. simplicity and easy is my motto of life. whether you like it or not. is none of your god d*** business.
just a sudden thought, while thinking how to continue.
why do we need to struggle in life?? basically, is to learn bit more life itself, to understand who we are, to discover a lil bit more bout ourself. BUT, why do we need to struggle in love? to learn how to love more? to understand what love is? doesn't really make sense, right? do we struggle to hate? no right?! if we don't like that person, we would just say, 'please get the ***k out of my face'. (notice the use of word; please. i'm being polite k) see, there's no need to struggle. people will just get the ***k out of face. as if getting ***ked the second time is enjoyable. unless, it's the real stuff we are experiencing. (that we discuss some other day) whereas love, we waste so much time and energy on it. the purpose of it? to be get back the same attention and love that we hope that person could shower upon us, just like what you did. hoping it will give you something back in return.
don't have to be this way... seriously. so, what kind of attitude should we carry towards the word 'love',what is the best method? if you ever asked, or pondered. well, i'm still trying to figure out. =) let you know when i got the answer.
got it!!
there's no best way. just the way you feel comfortable handling your issue in hand. if you think is right, then go for it. but sometimes, just don't follow your heart but use your blardy head to think rationally. thou is hard. emotional attachement, is always hard to detach. just like you have attach yourself to your PS console. if you think is worth it, by all means go ahead. but if it ever makes you uncomfortable... =)
i'm done bla-ing my stuff. TQ for reading till end of this part. hope you 'enjoy' it. muhahaha
i don't like what i'm feeling right now. in fact, i hate it. somehow, deep inside, i wanted so much more. yes, i'm a greedy person. who doesn't. who doesn't want the best for themselves? who doesn't want everything they could ever have?? i feel good, and at the same time, i don't. what's wrong with me? seriously, i don't know what my mind is going thru. and i doubt you will ever be able to.
i don't know what i want. and yet, i have everything i ever wanted. maybe there's more i could ask for. that's a whole different issue. i just dont' like what i'm feeling right now. there's a certain anger, sad to say it's not fire of enthusiasm, but, fire of hatred. and i so badly want to put it out. i don't intend to hurt anyone. ( i don't have the guts to do it, anyways) i just feel like vend my anger on someone, or something. i think i'll go for the latter, at least, the one who will be hurt is me.
i don't want to be sick again. i never want to fall sick again. i hate falling sick. i had the chance to be immortal, and i blew my chances. and now, i'm forever stuck in this cycle of birth and rebirth. i'm sick and tired of running. i'm sick and tired of trying. and i'm sick and tired of being. why can't i just be...
life is a journey. in fact, a long one. in fact, even we are dead, we are still walking on a trail that it has paved, or just some rocks and tree trunks we need to move in order to continue walking. it's true, if you really think bout it. if you can't figure it out, time will tell.
society puts a tag on each and everyone of us. what roles you should play, what image you should potray, and what are our reactions normally be? accept. soak in every bits of information that is being send out by the society. just like a sponge. what if we do exactly the opposite? people will think you are weird, people will think you are NOT in the 'normal' league. so to speak. then, there will be expectation we need to live up to. expectation that could bore some of us, and if we are no stronger, it'll just wipe you off from this surface of earth. that you never really existed.
honestly, i don't have self-esteem. i don't have confidence in me. i wish i could that wee bit of it, and yet, i just couldn't squeeze that wee bit out from it. i'm just potraying what you think i have. actual fact is, i have none. i'm just an empty, hollow nut shell. and the layer is so thin and fragile, it could be break so darn ****ing easy. on the other hand, i know very well that if i don't fall, i will never be able to experience pain. i will never be able to learn. god, sometimes life is just so complicated. and i hate complicated stuff. simplicity and easy is my motto of life. whether you like it or not. is none of your god d*** business.
just a sudden thought, while thinking how to continue.
why do we need to struggle in life?? basically, is to learn bit more life itself, to understand who we are, to discover a lil bit more bout ourself. BUT, why do we need to struggle in love? to learn how to love more? to understand what love is? doesn't really make sense, right? do we struggle to hate? no right?! if we don't like that person, we would just say, 'please get the ***k out of my face'. (notice the use of word; please. i'm being polite k) see, there's no need to struggle. people will just get the ***k out of face. as if getting ***ked the second time is enjoyable. unless, it's the real stuff we are experiencing. (that we discuss some other day) whereas love, we waste so much time and energy on it. the purpose of it? to be get back the same attention and love that we hope that person could shower upon us, just like what you did. hoping it will give you something back in return.
don't have to be this way... seriously. so, what kind of attitude should we carry towards the word 'love',what is the best method? if you ever asked, or pondered. well, i'm still trying to figure out. =) let you know when i got the answer.
got it!!
there's no best way. just the way you feel comfortable handling your issue in hand. if you think is right, then go for it. but sometimes, just don't follow your heart but use your blardy head to think rationally. thou is hard. emotional attachement, is always hard to detach. just like you have attach yourself to your PS console. if you think is worth it, by all means go ahead. but if it ever makes you uncomfortable... =)
i'm done bla-ing my stuff. TQ for reading till end of this part. hope you 'enjoy' it. muhahaha
~~simplicity and easy~~
Friday, May 16, 2008
numbness
'i don't deserve anything' - read it from a fren's blog.
'I'm feeling numb' - was the response i gave my fren.
seriously... as of lately, i don't feel anything. i dont' know how to feel... i don't know what to feel. am i happy? guess so. am i sad? neither too. i think is more like a moderate feeling. where i don't feel particularly happy nor sad.
got my results a couple of days ago, and i passed everything. (ADP subject pending, but i shud pass that paper) unbelievable. i don't feel particularly happy for it. was a lil worried for one of the paper, where the lecturer didn't give me any marks for my assignment. was i faking it? i seriously i don't know. forgive me, if i look unreal. i guess i was glad that i prove the lecturer wrong. after all, i don't have to change course. (yea... he asked me to consider changing course)
anyway, it doesn't matter.
wat matter is... (i think) why the hell am i not feeling anything????
i used to dream of getting the luxurious things, the fancy cars that i could drive. always the big things, the glamorous stuff. now, nth seems to matter anymore. besides, the handphone, nokia 6500, that i'm making a fuss out of it. anyway, is more like i NEED it, than i WANT it. now is like, ada...ok. takda... pun ok kinda attitude.
it's been a few years since i last played a competition. joined a badminton competition yesterday. the feeling was... kinda nervous. miraculously somehow, amazingly, don't know how, i got champ. honestly, after winning the final, just normal lo. probably because someone, *coughEDcough* say will come, but didn't.
yea... as i was saying, numbness.
'I'm feeling numb' - was the response i gave my fren.
seriously... as of lately, i don't feel anything. i dont' know how to feel... i don't know what to feel. am i happy? guess so. am i sad? neither too. i think is more like a moderate feeling. where i don't feel particularly happy nor sad.
got my results a couple of days ago, and i passed everything. (ADP subject pending, but i shud pass that paper) unbelievable. i don't feel particularly happy for it. was a lil worried for one of the paper, where the lecturer didn't give me any marks for my assignment. was i faking it? i seriously i don't know. forgive me, if i look unreal. i guess i was glad that i prove the lecturer wrong. after all, i don't have to change course. (yea... he asked me to consider changing course)
anyway, it doesn't matter.
wat matter is... (i think) why the hell am i not feeling anything????
i used to dream of getting the luxurious things, the fancy cars that i could drive. always the big things, the glamorous stuff. now, nth seems to matter anymore. besides, the handphone, nokia 6500, that i'm making a fuss out of it. anyway, is more like i NEED it, than i WANT it. now is like, ada...ok. takda... pun ok kinda attitude.
it's been a few years since i last played a competition. joined a badminton competition yesterday. the feeling was... kinda nervous. miraculously somehow, amazingly, don't know how, i got champ. honestly, after winning the final, just normal lo. probably because someone, *coughEDcough* say will come, but didn't.
yea... as i was saying, numbness.
....
reminiscing what i've done in the past,
things have been relatively kind to me.
i try looking forward in the future,
but the future seems bleak at the moment.
i try to light it up with a torch,
but countless times of igniting,
it doesn't seems to blaze.
feeling numb isn't great after all...
i want to be able to feel the warm of sun shinning down me,
i want to be able to feel the cold breeze passes through me.
i want to able to touch peoples' lives,
nevermind,
if they ever did to mine.
i don't know whether i can open up again,
as i'm still trying very hard to.
doubt i'll be able to do that,
unless... unless i put my pride, my armour, my self down.
i left the door unlock, only to be lock on the other side.
i left my armour in the lock, only to be put on again.
Monday, May 12, 2008
i don't know what to post... no inspiration, hantu writer didnt possess me today.. (according to mike)
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anyway... happy mother's day!!
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&
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congrats MU on their 10 premier league title, and 17 overall.
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just 1 more title, to be even with the all mighty (past tense) liverpool
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GLORY GLORY MAN UNITED!!
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
3am crap
sometimes, certain things, the least we know, the better off we are.
AGREE??
but... human curiousity kicks in..
and this is when people start asking questions,
this is when people start finding for answers,
this is when people start looking the root of the problem.
and they say,
IGNORANCE IS BLISS
hmm...
makes you wonder, huh...
in my opinion, i think the only thing that people crave for answers, and being in the known is because they care. they care for the object, the matters and the people. and that is where emotional attachment comes in. and this has kept human alives for million of years. don't you think. imagine; a world that everyone knows everything. it may sound cool, but... there's no more drive, there's nothing to strive for anymore. erasing emotion is like being burried 3 feet under. might as well go to hell... on the lighter note, become a butterfly. there's no emotion involvment. it's between a fine line.
we always want to know things that are directly or indirectly link to us. most of the time happy and positive things. negative?? filter, block, and throw away. how ironic rite. but that's how thing goes.
it's just like, if all your friends know a certain issue from the papers that happened a few days ago, and you don't. it makes you look stupid. stupid leads to sad. sad leads to miserable..
miserable probably leads to death. okok.. that's abit far fetch. but you get my point right.
therefore, we constantly strive to get every bit of information on our finger tips. but then again, negative information=negative emotion=death. so how??
go figure....
better stop crapping... it's 3am... and i need to get up at 6. heading of to PD to work. and i just finish playing 2 hours of futsal. and i'm not sleepy yet. whats wrong with me wei.
AGREE??
but... human curiousity kicks in..
and this is when people start asking questions,
this is when people start finding for answers,
this is when people start looking the root of the problem.
and they say,
IGNORANCE IS BLISS
hmm...
makes you wonder, huh...
in my opinion, i think the only thing that people crave for answers, and being in the known is because they care. they care for the object, the matters and the people. and that is where emotional attachment comes in. and this has kept human alives for million of years. don't you think. imagine; a world that everyone knows everything. it may sound cool, but... there's no more drive, there's nothing to strive for anymore. erasing emotion is like being burried 3 feet under. might as well go to hell... on the lighter note, become a butterfly. there's no emotion involvment. it's between a fine line.
we always want to know things that are directly or indirectly link to us. most of the time happy and positive things. negative?? filter, block, and throw away. how ironic rite. but that's how thing goes.
it's just like, if all your friends know a certain issue from the papers that happened a few days ago, and you don't. it makes you look stupid. stupid leads to sad. sad leads to miserable..
miserable probably leads to death. okok.. that's abit far fetch. but you get my point right.
therefore, we constantly strive to get every bit of information on our finger tips. but then again, negative information=negative emotion=death. so how??
go figure....
better stop crapping... it's 3am... and i need to get up at 6. heading of to PD to work. and i just finish playing 2 hours of futsal. and i'm not sleepy yet. whats wrong with me wei.
Monday, May 05, 2008
melacca 1 day trip
went to melacca on sunday
go melacca, sure must eat this chicken rice ball.
a local taughts us the trick to eat it, just put some chilli and place in ur mouth. it will just melt. like M&M.
coca cola collector...
realise the background, i think everyone who goes there, somehow will take pictures of it.
looks familar to u? nescafe did a advertisment shoot here.
birds mating... in a hotel...
being preserved since japan invaded our country. mind you, this is found in a hotel.
residence of the richest family in melacca. the Chan family.
my first time viewing a full process of sun set. niceee
special thanks: we met a lovely couple from melacca, who so happened share the same table with us during our makan in chicken rice ball shop. guess wut... they belanja us makan. and even show us around, and told us where to hunt for the best food, and best place to go. i can't thank them enough, even thou they won't be reading my blog like forever. btw, the guy is a MU fan. i guess MU fan are always nice. hahahah....
Saturday, May 03, 2008
bad hair day
after sailing, went to get my hair cut.
OMG~~!!
seriously, i don't know what my stylist ate for lunch or drank for tea time. his sense of style... whoa!! i tell u... 180 degree turn lor... maybe is the trend nowadays.
but for the first time, i feel so...
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lala
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clamshell
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si ham
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oyster
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*jumping down sg. Besi*
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