guidance

i stumble upon a post, and it reminds me of the past. sometimes i wonder and at times seems worrying? i don't know. why should i give a damn...

writing chapter XXX on a fresh piece of paper wasn't easy. as i don't know where to start. everything seems blurry even though it's just a blank piece of paper waiting for me to write something on it. at times the reflection of paper seems like a bright light persistently sucking me into it.

things happened so fast... i think i'm still lagging behind in lap 2, whereas everyone is moving forward and bout to finish the race. i hate to be on the losing side, anyway, who does...? but that's life, and i admit defeat.

i do not dare to fall, as i have not learn how to accept myself. as i have, i'm not prepare to get hurt... yet. or maybe this will turn out just fine. who knows? no one... even god.

i'm in the midst of crossroads. so many doors that are equally tempting for me to explore. i don't know which to take. emotionally, i'm just a total mess up. and it's affecting my thoughts. seriously.

i do believe in god. and if there's really one out there. please guide me through this horrendous process, i don't wish to suffer, as i know life is not bout suffering. i just need a breakthrough. to really discover who am i... what i'm capable of... for a start.

just what are you testing me for what i'm going through at this very moment.