hapy 2008

sitting alone in the room, counting down the hours that's gonna lead to a new year. i just wanna spend the last few hours alone with myself. (although i'm gonna head out later tonite) =)

looking back throughout the year, many things have happened. good things, bad things, happy and sad events. although at times i wish i could change things, so i would have a better ending that i was hoping for. nonetheless, i accept the fact that things happened for a reason. and is beneficial for my own well being.

i wanna thank my parents, for i am grateful to them for bringing me into this world. esp my mom, for hearing me out, and always been so supportive in whateva i do. my bros, we have a pretty good year, our relationships seems a lil closer.

and to my friends, thanks for being there for me, when i needed you guys the most. special thanks to Joie, Jolene, Michael, Aili, Betsy, Wei Sim, Stephanie, Ivy and Aaron. without you guys, my life will be monotonous. (although it always have been, but you guys rock and spice up my live) not to miss out on Sharon, Mandy, Boon Woei, Derrick, Jennifer, Angelica, Ee Jack, Tina, and the list just goes on and on. i'm sorry if i didn't mentioned your names. (realise how lil guy names on the list? this is because, Bpysh and freelance have so lil guys available. and i aint complaining. haha) although we seldom see each other, but we sure have a good laugh and have heeps of fun when we get together. and i enjoy every moment of it. also thanks to Joanne, if is not for you, i wouldn't know that a person wants is so important. and things could change so drastically, nothing is certain in life, not even for a moment.

and by that, i appreciate life more and more, don't know whether is because of i'm ageing or what. but yea.. i'm enjoying every moment of it.

so what's my new year resolution?

hmm...

seriously?

i don't know man...

• just wanna enjoy my uni life as much as possible and finish it as soon as possible.
• be happy
• appreciate things that i have, and be grateful for the things i'm gonna get.
• take things as it goes, and see where it leads me.

actually that's more to write, but i forgotten most of it after i thought bout my resolutions. lolz..

HAPPY NEW YEAR!! *open with wide arms* *hugz*

i love you all!!

99th post

can i walk out of this darkness? dunno...

do i want to walk out this darkness? certainly so...

but how to? i seriously got it figured all out. but dont know what is holding me back. fear of lost? fear of getting hurt? again... i don't know y... but sometimes i just can't let go. even i have said i wanted to. n i can't stop blaming myself. even i know is not my fault. (not totally, but paritally) but the things that you hide from me, it just reveal itself to me, even i did not want to find out. why did you lie and hide things from me, when i ask you. it makes matters worst. padahal, all along i've been truthful and honest with you. btw, you sucks at lying. i didn't want to hide things from you at the first place. cuz it probably jeapardize the whole thing.

guess it didn't work out.

time pass by, and things change. change rather drastically. i still can't accept the fact that you could change so rather quickly. but what can i do?? NOTHING!! you give me no chance of redeeming myself. no room for making errors. this isn't how a relationship works. you said it yourself, 'we will work things out' - bullshit.

is this karma? is this the cycle i need to go thru? all these, just bcuz i made ppl suffered b4. i've regret it then, i've regret that i've made bad decisions that probably put them in misery rather than giving happiness. if so, i really thank you. not you. but You.

i've always wonder to myself, why am i so attach to you. but i think i've found my answer. i'm grateful that we crossed path, if not, i wouldn't have experience such wonderful experiences.

last time i don't know how to love and care for a person. seriously. (probably a slow learner) i take, i'm sorry... i took u, and i've tried a whole new approached. but guess that wasn't never enough. and now, i don't know how to treat people with care, i don't know how to love a person anymore. best of all, i've lost trust in loving a person. for now.

there's so much to write, talk, blame, analyse.... and yet, i've don't have the strength to dwell on the 'drama' again. at least, i don't want to. is just tiring.

2008 is in 2 days time. guess is a perfect time to write my new year resolution.

walk out of the cage, the whole sky will be yours. (joie,2007)

tat's not my resolution. well, part of it. i'm saving it for my 100th post. =)

slept at 6, woke up at 2.30pm

moody

sienzz

TMD!!

aahhh!!!!

i'm goin out...

signing off

cursing my way thru part 1

i had fun this couple of days...



outings with friends, meeting friends whom i have not met for ages, seeing frenz that i see almost every other day. nice nice nice... this is the first time i received so many gifts during christmas, d gifts i receive this yr probably beats d 20 yrs of christmas i've gone thru..



thx to all my frenz who ask me out, n also muka tebal gate crash ur gatherings... i had fun. loads of it.



but something back of my mind, and heart still pounder on something, and wishing for something that there's nothing to wish for. impossible.


ropes have been laid, hands have been stretched out, roads have been shown.


n i guess... i still have not the guts to take the first bold step. i still have not the heart to move on. everytime i reach out my hand to grab the rope, the hand, anything. i just tend to be suck back into the deep hole. i hate it.

everytime i try to take the first step, you just had to refrain me from doing so. distract me from doing so. so i could slip and fall. why do u have to tempt me, saying that i could be there celebrating. n the nice feeling of the environment. why do you have to prompt the question of do i wanna go back. why do u have to pretend that u care, padahal, u don't give a damn. Damn it!!


you dont' know how much pain you have cost me. you don't know how many miserable nights i've gone thru. you don't know how hard it is to try to get out of that hole. you don't know how much tears have flown out.


i blame myself for not being strong enough to handle this. sometimes i blame you for giving this kinda shit. but most of the time, i'm just too weak to handle my own fucking problems. i need to pull everyone around me, to listen to my sorrows, listen to my whinnings, and see me cry.


now i understand how u feel, my friend. the feeling... is just unbearable. as much as i try to control it. the feeling is overwhelming. the attachment is still there. how can i let someone in, when there are still so many attachment of thoughts, memories, and pain sticking like a leech. when can these 'leeches' be fed till they drop off themselves. how much u blood suckers wanna take the bejesus out of me before u fall. damn it!


i hate it when i'm vulnerable.

merry xmas

just a quick one...

MerrY ChrisTmaS

EverYonE!!!

SantA Loves U!!

So Do I!!

see... told ya it was quick... hehe

i know what i did for the last few days

WARNING... A very random entry...

finally, something to do... at least... n i think.

holidays have just gone by for a week now. whoossh!! tat's it. still left... (lazy to count how many days left)
anyways, i went to genting 2 days ago. yea... AGAIN. with couple of frenz. didn't know what to do then, n when the call arrive, is inevittable tat i would go. lolz...


to cut the story short...

i reach there at 1 am. n came back down at 6.30am. yea.. A.M. n with 300 bucks as well. guess my mp3 is free. thx brada Lim. i'l be seeing u soon... real soon. lolz...


upon reachin home, (bout 8) straight dose off at my bed, but woke up a couple of hours later. wash up, and head out to Petaling Street with a fren. went to shop for christmas gift. yea.. how can u find any Christmas gifts in Petaling Street rite... u tell me, n u shud ask my fren. =.=


in d end, i got a torch light. and a watch. wat i need a torch light for?? hmm... go figure it out urself. try to think straight k guys...






'mali mali, watches for 10 bucks... torch light also for 10 bucks... mali mali... dun buy nvm, dun touch nvm, but dun see, really mind mind mind..'


my fren? she got 10 watches for her sis, bros, niece n nephew. (btw, buy 10 free 1, tat's where i got my watch... lolz!!)

after that, v head to MV, tot of having lunch there, but d jam was massive, so v detour to Bangsar Village for makan. but still end up searchin for a parking lot for 20 mins, n d rain didn't help at all. =.=''




i got 2 boxes of these, 1 for the christmas exchange gifts n 1 for ME!! it tatse good! can get it in Bangsar Village. (concourse area)

after makan, n sending my fren home, i went back home bout 5. took d opportunity to catch some sleep. half way thru, Betz called... can't rmb wat she said. n then Aili called. also can't rmb wat she said... lolz... (so guys next time dun call to ask me anything, or make an agreement, while i'm sleepin)


bout 7pm, i went to Sue Jern's hse (Betz's fren's hse) for.... i dunno what u really call tat, but basically, we eat, we sing, we talked, we played games, we exchange gifts(more like snatching), we talked somemore, n we laugh... i had fun thou, tis is d 1st time i attend tis kinda party. thx for inviting me Betz.



backtrack a lil, (i malas wanna edit the top part) @.@


d day b4 i went up to genting, i went to low yatt, to got an mp3 player and speakers for my lappie.
Sonic Gear speakers (20 bucks)


Creative Zen Stone MP3 player.

tat's bout it. will update u more, if i could think of other things.


wanna go emo now...


nah, just joking.


btw, i was suppose to be in another country NOW, Auckland, NZ. while i'm writing this entry. but... things happened. well, life goes on. probably i'll go to another country (singapore? thailand? visit Garcia's country? or go visit Rangga?, any suggestions??)

oh ya, i left out somethin... present i got from the 'snatching christmas gifts thingy'

thx sue jern for the lovely mug.

tired

gosh... can't believe i'm tired b4 d clock hits 12. is this d sign of tua.ness in me? hope not... better not!! (RED ALERT!! )

anyway, i'm off to bed...

gud nitez peeps!!

sweet dreams!!

yay!! holidays!! or no yay!! holidays...

i think i'l go for the latter 1...

i mean is nice to have a break. but nth to do... really sux wei.. i slept the whole day today... at least 10 hours.

anyone wanna lepak or movies or yum cha or lunch or dinner or supper.. ANYthing!! i'l be goin MV tmr, (probably).. so anyone wanna hang out with me, giv me a cal, or sms la..

i just came back from yum cha session with my fellow frenz. haven seem them for ages. angelica, derrick, and alicia. u guys still look d same. lolz.. but the comment they have on me? 'eh.. u tryin to become F4 r?' swt, double swt... =.='''' of cuz no la... just.. just... gah.. malas mau explain.

as expected, i've been put on a hot seat. all i can say is news really can fly. if u don't get what i'm tryin to say.. so be it.. malas wanna explain again. (just read my previous post: 24/4-13/11) tat's not d hightlight of d yum cha session, as usual, GOSSIP!! lolz.. so many interesting stories have been shared. hehe

b4 this, i went to MV today to take my paycheck, (yea, drive all the way there, just to get paycheck) waited so long, cuz tina (my agent) haven prepaid the cheques, sampai baru mau tulis. so many promoters were there at Starbucks, many patrons stop and peep at wat's happening among d crowd. (crowd=us, promoters) lolz.. after went to watch 'i am lengcai' aiks!... i keep sayin that, i mean 'i am legend' the show was so so only. tat's not wat i expected from Will Smith. the movie kinda draggy lor... btw, this is my 1st show, since i watched 'chuck & larry' imagine how long was it.. is quite long, to me la...

b4 this, i went for futsal in the morning in PJ. i sucked in todays game la. especially when i became goal keeper. don't know let d opponent score how many gazillion goals. paiseh... probably they're good, or i probably i sucked in this game. kaki bangku... *sob sob*

yester i went to 'look out point'. this is a place located some bukit some where in KL (near to cheras) the directions michael got from some stupid blogger was all WRONG!! totally out! TMD, i tell you, i think he/she probably will have a hard time finding his/her own home, if he/she draw a map for him/herself. =.=''' v took 1 1/2 hours to 'tracked' down that blardy place.
but the environment not bad, can chill and makan. and listen to emo songs. (v shall not go to that) overall is quite a nice place. but sad thing, v missed the sun set that michael say v can enjoy.

i just finished my last paper on that day itself. 100 MCQ questions. is not as easy as is seems k... d time and effort of shading 100 spots, is a blardy hassle thing to do. b4 for that rite, v got Pl for our 106 grp report. meaning?? plagiarism. TMD!! how can plagiarise wor... i paraphrase everything we got from the source k... takkan, paraphrase in a more PRO manner also cannot? also GUILTY?!? zzzz... hopefully d marker let us off with it, otherwise need to see the dean, and i don't really fancy seeing him la, he'll put it in a very good way, all sound so nice, but in d end do nothin much bout it. psychologist ma... so don't trust everything a psychologist k... ( i'm not a certify psychologist YEt, so do trust what i said. even i am a psychologist, u also must trust me) lolz... cuz i'll be nice.. hehe

realise i'm backtracking d events that happened? hehe... k la, don't wanna backtrack so much.. later u guys dizzy n blurr...

HOORAY!! holidaYssS!! but no plans la, anyone wanna ajak me, pls do so ya... i'm very free. hehe...

i went to bed at 2am just now...

now is 4.40am....

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go back to sleep!!

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TMD!!

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bearing in mind, i still have a paper later at 2 =.=''

continued post...

it's 6am...

after goin thru litterally everyone's blog, sports news available

n....

i'm still not SLEEPY @-@

i don't know wat title to put

staring at the ceiling, while lying on the bed, lights off, while listening to the rain drops hitting the roof and tar road. heart rate beating eva so slowly. the room is just pitch black except for the lights omitted from my lappie. i think it'l be a very random post...

i like rain... it's just so serene. it's just so... i can't find the right words to describe it. nevertheless, it calms me. ever try walking under the rain. nice feeling. you should try tat someday... ever experience that your day was so dreadful, you wish to just burried your head, and suddenly the rain just hits you, the strength just enough to make you come to your senses, and wash all your sorrows away. 1 word to describe it; shiok!

well, today i didn't went under the rain to let it hit me today, neither did i let it wash my sorrows. but i hid in my room, poundering what has happened to me for the past few months. 2 words to describe; roller coaster.

so many things happened, yet so many things did not materialise. i'm glad that both things happened and didn't materialise. i used to tell myself, everything happened for a reason, and the reason for it to happen is for the best outcome for the people, environment or things that involved. i finally found the REAL reason for the things that is happening around me, and the outcome has never been better. i was so foolish to perceive otherwise. the all mighty never lies. and i apologies for doubting.

at times, i just don't want to accept the fact, i just don't want to move. and is so easy to linger around our comfort zone. and keep on dwelling on the 'drama' that had happened, although it constantly feed me with tears and heart breaks. honestly, it is so much easier to do so, compare to taking another step forward. everytime i try my hardest to climb out from the hole, just one more step, or pull, or wateva it should be call. i get pulled down again, the strength is just so strong that i have to succumb to it, totally surrender. white flag. but while i manage to come back to my senses, it was too late, i'm right where i have started b4. point zero.

a fren once told me that i'm much more mature than i look and the way i act. (mentally la, dun always think of my appearance k, i still look young compare to my age) it kept me wondering. to come to think of it, not really lo. if i'm mature enough, i will be able to handle the situation well. if i'm mature enough, i won't react to the way i shouldn't have. although i'm 23, i sometimes still feel like a young kid, still trying to search for his identity.

letting go of something is hard. is just like giving your last piece of salmon sushi to someone, and tat bugger dont know how to appreciate it, just chew twice, and spit back out because stupid bugger can't withstand the raw.ness and wasabi he just dipped in. wat to do, us humans sometimes are dumb asses too. knowing the fact that, that bugger will spit it out, we still give in. y?? cuz we are too blardy nice. good, warm n nice ppl, walkin on this surface of earth, waiting for ppl to take advantage of us.

nah.. i'm just kidding.. there are still kind souls out there that appreciate us rite? rite?? (i hope)

my melatonin level is increasing, n circardian system is kicking in.

meaning???

i'm goin to bed... zzzzz

sweet dreams peeps to be continue...

complains

i'm suppose to be studyin for my finals.. SUPPOSE la... end up here pulak. having headache now.. so much info to cramp in... my 'hard drive' overflowing ledi.. 2 core papers on monday. n 1 more on wednesday. 2 papers on monday is sufficient for me to hang myself, if not jump down from 18 floors.

y need to have exams wor. secara practical, sudah la. haihz... i know i know.. not d first time complainin also. have been complaining since N years ago. n still complainin, guess i'l be complainin during every finals, until i grad. lets see, i still got 5-6 semesters to go, so there will be another 5-6 posts of complains. whahahaha...

i'm goin nuts.

n yet i'm hungry.. mind u, i just ate 3 hours ago. =.=''

i feel like eating cake. addicted to secret recipe cakes ledi. =.=''' i just realise i got 12 vouchers. woo hoo.. can get one whole cake ledi. i don't know how i got it... but i got it. gagaga... shud i get 12 different types of cakes, or just 1 whole cake leh? hmm.. dilemma ni. can anyone decide for me...? tiramisu, double choc, banana choc, cheese cake, watnot cheese cake, watnot choc cake. *slurps* *drool*

cannot cannot... must stop thinking bout it. not till i finish my 2 papers on monday, probably will get a slice or 2. ehehehe...

ish... no mood to study ledi... tat's all folks. wanna go watch ManU play against Derby C.

lights off *poof*

plead tak jadi

what has this world come to be... when u try to get some decent help. yet no one response to ur plead where it has fallen on deaf ears. tragic rite..

when finally u see light at the end of the tunnel, ur hope raised, ur senses heighten, adreneline running thru ur body... yes! there's help, u thought to urself.

manatau, when u reach d tunnel, there's a person there waiting n stop u from exiting. 'sila bayar dulu, sebelum keluar' muttered the fella. wtf?!?!?

is like.. u fell into a deep hole, n ur friends saw u.. 'u wanna come out r.. buy me murni or williams 1st when we get out of here, then i'l save u...' this is call frens r?!?!? deenngg!!!

sad rite..

how can this society move forward? how can this country progress? how can this world sustain the negativity that societies and countries potrait such ingenious acts.

by saying those shameful act, i mean BRIBE..!!

u know who u are la... u ppl should be shame of urself!!!

d previous two post??? i admit, its' really crap.. i also dont know what i'm talkin bout.

today post will not be emo stuff (nth to emo)
happy stuff (nth funny happened)
not gonna talk bout my work either (cuz nth to talk bout)

my main point is...

i still very lost for my psy 106!!! n 103 as well.. but not as bad as 106. can anyone of u kind soul out there help me.. ahem.. *cough* mandy.. ahem.. *cough* michael.. *cough* aili.. *cough* betz..
geez.. wat's wrong with my throat huh.. as i was saying i need help!! ahem *cough* ivy, *cough* boon woei *cough* sharon

i'm free this weekend.. group study!!! tutoring!! anyone?!?!

today... i would like to commomerate.. er.. sorry.. i mean pay tribute to, pay tribute to a fren. a fren whom i known not tat long ago,(couple of years consider long r) anyway, a fren whom i think i know well ENOUGH

TQ...

d air is fill wit smoke n dust.. Can die b4 u reach 30 if u inhale more than 1 large tank a day. Sun is scorching hot.. Can fry an egg on d car hood, probably chicken chop, is possible. pork chop to those PORK chop lovers.. Lookin out d window, yea.. definately can cook pork chop.. Well done mind u, not half done, so no worries u wil end up in d clinic.

I'm sittin outside of secret recipe opposite pj hilton, workin... Yea, workin when finals is looming ard d corner. N Yea d same job i post bout a few weeks ago. But...but... I dun tink i'm workin, cuz accordin to webster dictionary, work means exert oneself by doin menu or physical work for a purpose or out of necessity. N wat i'm doin is nothin or somehow relate to d definition above. I've tot bout it d whole mornin, stil can find a connection or watsoeva.. Unless u consider sitting is part of workin..

Oh.. Oh.. I've jus discovered somethin. I'm actually workin.. Let me see i can back up my reasons n relate it wit d definition above.

It mention by exerting oneself mentally n physically. Mentally is torturing, try imaginin sittin down from day til nite doin NOTHIN. I mean reli nothin except to wait for ppl to approach us. N also it is physically drainin, cuz i'm sittin outside of d restaurant, smoking area. D heat literally suck d energy out of u.. For now, i've fulfill d 1st part of d definition. A purpose or out of necessity. D purpose is to sit n wait for ppl to approach us, n to educate d customer if she/he doesnt know how to use d application of d phone. N lastly, out of necessity, is not necessary for me to work, cuz i'm havin finals, suppose to be studyin at home. But i get to study while workin, in theory la. On top of tat, i'm paid!
So, i'm actually workin rite? Rite?!?
phew.. Feel much better. I felt bad at 1st, was told to work, but not doin anythin, n double bad cuz get paid for doin nth..

Disclaimer: i'm not 'chuin.ing' anyone,(show off) for gettin paid for doin nothin, i seriously didn't want to work, exam la.. jus helpin out my fren.. N i'm BORED!

By d way, i'm using n95 to blog bout tis.. Is like typing hundreds of sms at 1 go.. San fu.nya.. But for u guys, is ok la.. Yay! For another purpose to be here.

P/s: if anyone drop by to visit me, i'l buy them cakes, while stock last! Hurry hurry! Lolz

phew... finally finish lab report, n anthropology paper. still got 3 more papers to go.

i'm tired... slept 3 hours only, damn report... it really has taken d toll out of me. i think my sleep debt is about one thousand two hundred sixty three point nine eight five hours... =.=

today after anthro paper, went Williams for dinner with betsy, boon woei, ai li n min huei. long time haven't been there. d last time i went there was... hmm.. can't rmb.
anyway, due to betsy's network with williams, d portion was larger than usual customers ate there. good huh... hehe... i'm was stuff. meat balls!! pasta!! mash potato!! *slurp*
we had a good laugh before, during, and after dinner. everyone was laughin at boon woei lame jokes. can't stop laughing. even i got into the car... lolz... see i'm still laughing. HAHAHA!!

laugh is good... laugh is healthy... laugh is great...

so start laughing people!!

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as for now.. gua mau tidur...

my commemorative speech

due to 'enormous' requests, i've decided to post my speech... lolz..
enjoy ya.. i hope *finger cross* hehe

I would like to commemorate a person whom I’ve known for a long time. Ever since he is a young kid, adults around him would disallow whatever things he wished to do. Things like climbing up the stairs, to joining the kids in the playground during the evenings. Usually the answer is a straight ‘no’. This is probably he was the only child.

The distance between his parents and himself were drawn further apart. This is because his parents were constantly working. There’s no one at home, besides grandma. Most of the time, he would be alone, either watching television or playing with his own toys.

His parents weren’t the best communicator in the world. His dad is a very quiet person; he will let his wife do the talking and scolding and his mom never listen. Deep inside, he knows what his parents’ good intentions were, but somehow he just had that feeling of irritation. Probably they weren’t there, when he needed them most. And the anger and frustration in him just couldn’t disperse in a snap of fingers.

He hated it when he is being nag, he hated it when he is being scold, and he hated it when he is always being proved wrong. Hence, he just distances himself from everyone, and bottling up everything.

During secondary he attended a boy school; he was a loner. Along came a boy who he thinks he could hang out together. He even joined his friends’ tuition centre, all just to mingle around with his friend. But one day, his best friend as he thought he was, betray him. And that causes him to bury deeper into his dark and quiet shell.

He wasn’t acing his subjects in school; neither was he making waves in the sport he loves most. He always hung his head low, slouching while walking along the corridors. His self-esteem is at his lowest. The only time he feels confident is during private training. He doesn’t have to compete with anyone but the thousands of shuttlecocks that were bombarded by his coach. He would run all over the court, hitting the shuttle as hard as possible,
stretching every muscle in the body. Sometimes, half way through the session, he would vomit. His face is as pale as snowflakes, legs and arms trembling, but he never complains, in fact he felt good, he was happy.

Like any other teenager, he had a couple of relationships. But none went well. Finally, he told himself that he should open up, and let someone fill up the emptiness in him. And his wish came true. He found someone that; as they often say, the other half that completes me. In fact, things went really well, for the first time after so many years, he thinks he has found happiness. The same happiness when he was in the court. Except, this was even better.

But things started to change, just 3 months after she went to overseas to further her education. The next thing he knows she told him she wants to call off the relationship. Reasons given? She found happiness there, and she’s thinking of getting a PR.

It was just like a heavyweight boxer landing the final blow on his opponent. He was totally knocked-out cold. I’m sorry… dead is a more appropriate word for it. You may come to think; come on man, just 6 months in a relationship, couldn’t be that bad. Believe me, I’ve question him exactly the same thing as well. I think he just couldn’t take it anymore.

If you are still wondering who this person is. He’s me.

Yes, my situation is not as bad as some who lost their love ones. But to me, losing a friend is like losing a part of me, let alone something that is precious to me. From the day I decide to move on, I have also decided to leave my mind, body and soul that have nothing but misery in my life at the graveyard of melancholy. Today I stand in front of you as a newborn person, just like a phoenix rising from the ashes once again; learning everything from zero, laying a pathway for greater things that lies ahead for me. For I know things will always get better the next time.

today woke up at 8, and i literally need to drag myself out of bed. i slept at 4am last nite. so u could imagine how groggy i was. there's a grp study organize by mandy freud in coll at 9. so must go. i've been so blur for the whole sem for psy 106, if i don't attend d 'intensive class', i think i need to see ms. Winnie d next sem, which i don't intend to. =)

i was really nervous for my final commemorative speech. i was feeling so unease the whole time i prepare the speech yester, don't know whether Mr. Carroll will approve not cuz he mention not to talk bout relatives and all. mine was worst, i talked bout myself, but i wanted to do something different. kinda weird rite, commemorate urself. ivy was teasing me the whole time in class, cuz she never see me so nervous for my previous speeches b4. =.=''

n wat's worst, i am the last speaker. do or die... i so wanted to pull out at the last min. since i know i oredi pass my subject. i was afraid they will laugh at me, i was afraid the lecturer will critisize me, and i was afraid of... i also dunno wat i'm afraid of la. zzzz....

i tink it turn out quite well, not as bad as i thought. at the end, got cheers and claps from everyone. probably they cheer n clap bcuz everythin is over, and they dun have to see the lecturer's face anymore but not my speech. lolz... who knows rite. doesn't matter. n thank god it's over. n i'm satisfy with what i did. hehe...

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mom called while i was sleeping, she said that v'll be eating out tonite. i said cool. it has been so long, that i can't even rmb when was the last time the whole family sat and have dinner TOGETHER. n share stories, and update each other a lil bout our lives. funny huh, we stay at the same roof, but we hardly gather together. everyone will be doin their own stuff.

anyway, i had loads of fun today. and i'm really happy that things turn out better than i expected.

gud nitez ppl...

p/s: if u want to see wat i wrote for my speech, i'll post it in the nex post, if not, forget it la... hoho...

women do cheat too

they always say men cheat on women due to women do not care for their men, and therefore they seek pleasure else where. other fact is probably the men is horny for younger women.
i came across an article saying reasons women cheat on men. and there are 10 of them!!

1) not enough sex.
2) being the bad girl
3) self-esteem
4) revenge/payback for past wrongs towards their partner
5) lack of intimacy
6) feeling neglected/ignored/under-appreciated
7) emotional withdrawal
8) bedroom boredom
9) exit strategy
10) revenge for cheating

if u can realise, 3-4 out of 10 r dealing with physical contact. so important huh..
n if u have any other suggestions, pls do leave a comment...

hehehe

recap

just a recap of what's happening to me for the past few days. don't bother to read, if ur not interested in my life happenings. =)

on saturday

went to coll as early as 9 am for colloquium. y so early? hmm.. ask my fren, michael. apparently want to finish early wor. good also la, can go back n sleep. cuz the previous nitez also din sleep much. nth much happen during colloquium except for a yr 2 senior who questioned the presenters bout their research methods.

yr 2 senior: y u didn't use pilot test?

presenter: cuz we... bla bla bla..

yr 2 senior: u shud hav use pilot test... bla bla bla

presenter: cuz we... bla bla bla.. (gettin pissed)

yr 2 senior: i understand, but u shud use pilot test, since.. bla bla...

d next grp comes in n present, n after the presentation.

same yr 2 senior: y u use pilot test in tis research?

presenter: cuz we want to compare... bla bla...

yr 2 senior: u shudn't hav use d pilot test, cuz.. bla bla...

presenter: but we want to.. bla bla.. (more calm than d previous presenter)

yr 2 senior: in my opinion, u shudn't use pilot test, bla bla...

if i were d presenter, i'll take my shoe n stuf it in his mouth. TMD!

after the judge has given comments, he's still talkin bout pilot test. all he likes pilot so muc... go study pilot la.. study psychology for wut.. =.=

after colloquium, finally get to go back zzzz.... at least for a couple of hours. less than 15 mins after dozing off, bro came rushing in remind me to send him to d court. less than half an hour, phone rang. walao...du lan... can't even reach stage 2 of my sleep.

went to 1U to meet up wit frenz after i drop my bro of d court in Pudu for his competition. had waffle for lunch. n d next program on d list, shopping. galz... anyway, i bought a pair of shoes for myself as well. wanting to get 1 for a long time, but didn't seems to find 1 tat suites my taste. hehe.. it cost 60 bucks. i think is still ok, cuz converse cuz bout 140 bucks. but aili n boon woei say is still expensive. i don't know how to shop la... next time take me along k..

bout 7pm, mike called. say he takde transport, so need to pick him up to go watch the liverpool match against newcastle at d roof top of 1U. the atmosphere not bad la, d only thing is the fans keep repeating the same songs over n over again. not other theme song meh. at 1 point, they chant their keeper's song, padahal, d keeper not doin anythin througout the match. unlike ManU rite, got 1 song for each player on the pitch. heh!!

atmosphere during the game

banners tat r hanged up to so the semangat.ness in them

some liverpool fans tat chicken out (at first) being interview by a BBC reporter.

good day for liverpool as they won 3-0 away to newcastle. but not so good for ManU as they lost 1-0 away to bolton. but they r still above liverpool. thats the main thing. hehe





on sunday.


teman my bro to the court for his competition the whole day. from morning till evening. tiring gile.. since i got nothing better to do. just teman lo. good brother rite. hehhe.. anyway, he lost in the quarter-finals in his singles, and got champ for his doubles event.







bro winning the double title with his partner
group pic for a chinese newspaper





after that went to meet up with frenz to makan dinner at ss2. bump into betsy, didn't expect to bump into anyone thou. terkejut aku.

(if u notice, is gettin more brief as i write. my semangat.ness is dropping, malas ledi) heh

anyway, went to get the cakes at secret recipe in TTDI, (still got 2 vouchers, finish it lo). suddenly my fren suggested v go 'small lil genting' in cheras. =.=''' i don't know y, but i comply to it. had fun there, cuz they were asking bout kinky stuff, and telling lame horny jokes and also observing a young couple reacting to each other. damn funny.



gah!! malas ledi... until then, i'll continue next time la k...


have a good day!

22 april - 13 nov

22 april - 13 nov. this is the period i will always rmb. it has brought so many sweet memories that are to be treasured, bitter notes to be reflect on. this is the period i would rmb for a long time, as it has bring significance meaning into my life, and along the way change who am i as a person. i wanna thank god whom shed light towards a wonderful person that has lid up my life, givin me the chance to learn so much from this person, as a friend, a companion, a partner, a lover and as well as a teacher. through this period of time, i've learn so much in life.

it is sad, for i couldn't learn and share anymore with this person; even i long for it not to end. the period of that chapter have been close; even i long for it not to be close. as much as it hurts, i need to let go; even i long for it not to let go. i need to move on with my life, as it wasn't meant to be. it takes courage and effort. on the other hand, it takes even greater courage for the other party to do so. and for that, i salute.

promises that has been made, are yet to be fulfill. promises that says we'll stuck with each other no matter what.. promises that says i'll be there for u... all these are yet to be fulfill...

there's nothing to be blame, there's nothing i could do. there's no more strength in me of lifting my finger swearing at as to why god treat me this way.

i don't know what the future lies ahead of me, as it is still greyish to me now... as we cannot foresee the future. but i know what i want, and i know He will allign something great for me. for i am grateful for things that happened, and will happen to me.


therefore, i hope god bless this person along the way, and guide this person thru the journey that lies ahead. amen...

went to mid valley for dinner with my frens. they were late, so i went to shop for my bro's present as it was his b'day yester. happy b'day bro!! heh... he's 15 this yr. i bought a wallet for him, as his oredi koyak gile... sad thing, i didn't get any present this yr. =.=

anyway, as i still have some spare time, i went studio R. was scouting for a pair of shoes. but couldn't find any. suddenly i saw futsal shoes. adidas, nike... all so expensive. gua bukan pro, buy so expensive for wut rite. so i ask d salesperson, n he intro Umbro. he told me that got new designs, n it arrived a day b4 yester. wow... good good... on top of that, i get 15% discount. lagi good good.. hehe.. cost me bout 76 bucks after discount =)

den i went to IT department to check out the price for external hard disc, and nano ipod. expensive leh, bout 500 ++ hmm... think bout it 1st le.. d price for external hard disc also quite costly, 120GB cost bout 300, and 160 GB bout 400 buck!! think think think bout it 1st le... probably i'll go low yat to get it, there shud be cheaper. ^.^

had dinner at shushi king, haven eat shushi for months!! (since july i think)

shushi king got promo for their salmon

my futsal shoes

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random pics i took it long long time ago...

mike n mandy (aaww... so sweet) lolz

smoking kancil

nth beats a hot steamy cup of coffee in d morning

lookin at d time, used to make me think of u

i seriously dunno who's t-shirt is this. i swear!!

tak jadi...

haihz... tried to create my own design of outlook for my blog, tapi tak jadi... spend almost the whole day looking for 1 design i like. when i manage to find 1, tak jadi also... d fonts la, this la, tat la.. all seems tak jadi 1.. haihz...

so, i'll temporarily revert to this template 1st, probably after finals, when i got lots of time.. then i'll slowly do it up. guess i'm not that good in those html stuff, even thou i took a class with Mr. Siva, i think he's gonna be so disappointed, when he sees his former student forgot what he had taught. gagaga...

it's 3 something, n i'm still not sleepy... hmm.. what shud i do next?? =.=

ha ha haa... didn't know i would get a response for sayin i miss some1. wonder what response i would get if i said...

i love you... you know who you la huh...

HEHE...

anywayz.. yes, i miss you ai li.

i also miss you michael. *puke* lolz

sharon u want me to miss you too?? hehe

how bout ivy? joie? gagaga...

and whoeva thinks that i mite be missing. i miss you all... (abit greedy rite) i know i know...

i miss your giggle, cuz it makes my day
i miss your lame jokes, cuz it makes me laugh my heart out
i miss your gaze, cuz it gives me confidence for being who am i
i miss your encouragement, cuz it gives me the strength to move myself another step forward

come back, come back... fill me up once again. as i know u make my day and others.

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i won't be making my trip to stadium shah alam to watch Pete Sampras, Roger Federer, Rafael Nadal :((((( i want to go!! *sob sob* y they didnt' pick me wor. anyway, i receive a job recruitment from my fren, workin for Nokia again... i tink it will be a pretty ez job, cuz is in Hilton hotel. ;)

k la, enuf of talking ledi...

once again,
i love you... you know who u r la, huh?? hehe

nokia wifi cafe

just finished my presentation today... i think i did ok thou... but it will be better, if i didn't uttered; 'erm... uhm... erm...' so many times. well, wat's been done is done, couldn't change anything also. just like life... what is done, is done... what to do?? just try to do better next time lor... =)

had a group study tis morning, everyone turned up late, cuz of massive jam in KL. don't know what's d reason for it. it was 10, but still so jam. =.= it went ok thou, considering i was in class, but i'm not in class for most of the semester. heh... don't know what the philipino teaching also. sienzz... anyway, i learned a few things from mandy 'freud'. TQ!

btw, i'm in secret recipe WORKING... and i'm blogging rite now... lolz... cool huh.
is so damn f***ing bored la. our job description?? sit and smile and wait for customers to ask 'wat is tis all about?' den only v can approach them. which most of the time, it doesn't really happen. according to the client for this event, they say is more PRO wor...i think is kinda stupid la.. where got such things 1 rite... anyway, for the sake of the $$, no choice la. just sit till 10.

so, don't be surprise if i write another post after my dinner. lolz

aiya, dunno wat to say ledi...

i miss you... you know who u are lo, huh? =)

tryin to utter something here...

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but...

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tryin hard not to be emo...

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but...

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OH WELL...

visualize

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bright light shining upon you... and you embrace it with both hands... accepting whateva that is shone... a sense of serene in the heart, and overwhelming joy fills up your body.

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I LOVE MYSELF!!

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gud nitez everyone

last emo post

y do i need to be so angry?
y do i need to be so disappointed?
y do i need to be so moody?
y do i need to care so much?
y do i need to hurt myself?
y do i need to cut myself to see how much i bleed?

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y can't i be happy?
y can't i be joyful?
y can't i change things?
y can't i ever fixed things?
y can't i be patient?
y can't i believe in myself?
y can't i believe in faith?
y can't i change for the better?


aarrhhh... i'm goin nuts!!
i need to stop thinking so much. and just set out what i'm suppose to do. go with the flow... and let nature take it's own course. first of all, i think i need to start treating myself better. i've been punishing my body and mind for the past 1 and a half months. and i realize is not helping at all. i can't control what's out of my boundaries, sometimes i need to accept that certain things is out of my control, no matter how hard u try to turn things around. at least i know, i've gave my all. and all i can do is control myself.

all thanks to U, i've grown stronger. and all thanks to U, i'm begining to push myself further. and all thanks to U, i know what i want in life.

yea... i've realise i've been emo-ing alot. i think tis would be my last emo post for the year. =)


'What you think, and what you feel, and what manifest, is always a match' quote from unknown author

p/s: i didnt cut myself. just an expression. althou i did try hurtin myself unintentionally. n it bleed... =.=''' accident

hav u ever go thru ur msn or yahoo messenger list, view who is online, and probably start a conversation from there on? yea... probably most of do the same thing, when we wanna find some1 to talk to.

but have u ever notice, what was the main reason of u talking to him or her?
subjective huh...

maybe he/she is ur good friend, u wanna pour ur feelings out, after a terrible/ happy incident.
maybe u like that person, u wanna talk to them.
maybe u just got his/hers email from the mall or on the street, (instead of number) and u chat with them.

etc
etc

on the other hand, have u notice their display or personal msgs, and what is being written. there will be loads of things being written, some just put their name, some are tellin u what they are doin, and what they are goin thru, n some are quotations n some are just pure bulls***

well, i take more note on wat is being written on their personal msgs. and some friends' quotes are really insightful and meaningful. n sometimes, their quotes does reflect on what i'm going thru and needs. is just funny, and i'm always amaze that when u wondering n searchin for answers, it always appears in front of me.

have it happened to u b4? well, it happened to me quite often. amazing huh

'ride'

n here i was talkin bout consistency a few weeks ago regarding my blogging in this blog. when i just view how long ago i've written a post. is bout 10 days ago. haihz...

is not that i don't want to blog... it's just... it seems nth is happening in my life. well, there are things, but is not appropriate to talk bout it. mentioning bout it, just puts more pain into it...

i've gone thru hell... well i wouldn't say is hell. erm... i would say i've gone thru a ride, n so far is the best ride of my life. oh, did i mention that is 'ride' instead of ride. well, it doesn't matter if u understand not. i'll explain in the future, if the time is rite.

back to my story, i've gone thru a 'ride', that is so incredible, i would never forget in my entire life. the shockness, the pain, the thrill of it... wow!! the feeling is just unbelievable. u don't know what i'm talkin bout, don't ya. heh~

just imagine...

when the road is pitch black dark, winding; as u wouldn't know when is the next sharp turn, narrow; as only 1 vehicle can pass. slight mistake from u, KABOOM!! u r probably rolling down d cliff. is so f***ing hard to drive.

is even harder to drive, when there are no lamp post along the road, when there's no passer by to ask for direction, and the person u tot u could rely, just went to sleep. tat's pain, is a real pain in the ass, when u know u could take the highway, following the traffic and big signboards, it seems more safe and guarantee that u will reach ur destination. but no! instead u make a turn u think is a short cut. u end up here, u can't make a u-turn, the only option is move forward.

it was real pain in the ass, as it was a difficult route to use. bumpy, winding, narrow n pitch black. it couldn't get worst than that. yea, at times i do have the regret of making the turn. but in the end, i'm glad i made the turn. as i wouldn't know there is another route i could take to reach the same destination. ya, althou is a more challenging route, by that, if gives me more time to reflect on my driving skill, my vision, and my reliabilty towards my passenger who's sleeping. some might think that's a waste of time, it would be so much easier if we have taken the highway. true enough, it's easy. but like i said, i've made the turn.

wat's there to life, if everytime we make a wrong turn, we just make a u-turn. is always not that easy as making a 3 point turn. furthermore, the road is narrow n winding, u couldn't possibly make a u-turn. the only option is to drive thru it. pitch black, winding, n narrow route. we still can reach the destination, it just take a lil while longer. but in the end, i think it makes the driver a better driver. as challenges make a person stronger. environment makes a person stronger. pain makes a person stronger.

i'm still in the pitch black, winding, and narrow route. nevertheless, i still have faith that i could reach my destination.

alarm clock

it's been raining practically everday in d morning for the last 1 week. and i have been getting up everyday in d morning for the last couple of weeks. in between 3-5 in the morning tat is. i don't know why... no alarm clock to wake me up. just my own biological 'alarm clock' waking me up. how cool is that.

is the sky mourning for me as well, as i'm also having a rough time dealing with my own situation. how cool is tat as well, 'they' 'cry' with u.. opps did i just say cry with me. lolz...

if u r thinking what time is it now? ya... it's 5 in the morning. if is 4 in the morning, i'll sing u gwen stefani; 4am. =)

gud nite peeps... or shud i say good morning every1 who r sleeping, n to those freak like me who r not... gaga

have u ever miss a person so dearly till u don't think straight at all? u do all sorts of stuff, that is probably romantic that u could charm her, or probably something stupid that u get on her nerves. u just wanna talk to that person day and night, u wanna see ur partner thru webcam, even though is just thru the eye of a webcam. u think bout her all the time, wondering have she had enough sleep after a night long of working. wondering whether will she fall sick, because of the bad weather. wondering.... just wonder.

just contact her la, some of u might say.

but the tricky part is, u couldn't contact her, because u know she is busy with her work, u don't want to distract her. u try to help, but u can't cuz is not within ur expertise. all u can do is just sit and watch. u refrain urself from helping her, cuz by helping her, u might cause even more trouble.
she's stress up, she's begining to throw tantrum. u try to encourage her, but whateva u say offended her. the feeling is just... but is ok.

so what could u do?

well... all u could do is just sit at the side, quietly. but in ur mind, u r still thinking... thinking of a way...

ouch

OUCH!! a bad gatric, both sides of my tigh are cramp, and a sore ankle.
this is wat u get when u did not eat something for the whole day and have not been excersing for the past a year and a half. geez, should have grab something to eat. and at least do some warm up. but was just suddenly too hype up to go for a jog. heh...
and now, i'm suffering the after effects of it. ==.==

by the way peeps, sorry for MIA for much of the last 2 weeks. heh will try to update my fellow 'fans' more frequently. gagaga

forgive me as i have sinned.

filthy and hurtful thoughts running through my mind,

when it shud be cast aside.

rest... finally

shiok.nyyyyyyaaaa....
finally get to rest for a couple of days. i've been working non-stop for the past 3 weeks. even b4 my semester started, i've oredi been working.

first, it was Fernleaf roadshow, in between there is Maxis 3G in Kuching, n i also for Digi, event crew aka KULI, and now d latest i'm in, is this project of maxis broadband. i'm working for nokia tis weekend.

i just finished Shah Alam area. the place was pretty dead, we face alot of problems during the 10 days in Shah Alam. certain areas no coverage, the printer is not working properly, standing under the hot sun. those are the hard times. other than tat, i'm happy working with the promoters... now friends. the good thing about working as a freelancer is that u get to meet all sorts of people. and make friends with the promoters u worked with. the amazing thing is that, u don't know each other at all at the beginning of the roadshow, but still everyone can work with each other. surely they will be arguments and unsatisfactory with some promoters, is impossible to like everyone, and be like by everyone.

enough of nonsense. i'm goin to bed. finally!!

good nitez everyone.

movie maniac

has any1 watched Rush Hour 3? go watch it k... it's really funny. d fights are always comical whenever jackie chan stars in d movie. and the ever fast talking chris tucker. weird combination, but a unique one. it truly brings out the East meets West thingy.... i can't find a word for it. bad grammer. -__-'''

how bout the Secret? is a romantic comedy starring jay chou, directed by jay chou and many other things done by jay chou. d leading actress, can't rmb the name. heh... she's sweet, and fit perfectly into her role she played in the movie. the shows talks bout a high school gal travels thru time, and met up with jay himself. and the whole time we didn't know bout it, until the last part of the movie. really ncie.

n then... did ya watch Ratatouille? i'm sure most of u did. especially u lala and clam shells. lolz... nah.. just kidding. nice rite... a rat can cook. how real could that be. heh...

n then... how bout the second part of Almighty show. Evan Almighty. this show is hilarious, i tell u. althou there's no Jim Carey in it. the movie is still so funny. the last part of the movie is pretty dramatic, nonetheless, is awesome to watch.

y am i doing a review bout the movies above? @.@ nth better to do huh.. beside, i sucks in writing review.






is just that i watched all those shows in a week time. i think i could watched even more, if i have plenty plenty, i mean PLENTY of time. heh

sisha

heya!! i know is a pretty late entry. heh...

last 2 weeks i met up with Kenny for a game of badminton at Mont Kiara. gosh! i haven't lifted d racket for such a long period, it felt strange when i first hit the ball. my movement in d court was so weird, i thought i would fall anytime soon. nevertheless, i enjoyed it. one more thing, if ur intention is not to just sweat out in the court, there's also another thing that might make u crave to step into the court, which is GALS. there are alot of gals compare with other outlets and courts that i've went. probably the gals in that area likes sports. there were also gals playing netball outside the court. heh...

anyway, my intention is to sweat it out. wanna lose some weight le. tummy getting bigger ledi. -_-'''

after games, Kenny and me met up with some friends at Hartamas for a drink. so happened it was Kenny's b'day the next day, and one of my friend say wanna belanja him sisha. it was my first time trying it thou. the taste is bout the same as smoking a ciggeratte. is just less tabacco, and is so called 'purified' by the water.

okie, less crap, more pics.

first time trying it.

lucky lucky... stella, alston, and i can't rmb her name. (sorree, i'm bad with names)

stella, met her thru alston, she really can shake while clubbing. probably was drunk. hoho

kenny and me, my primary classmate buddy.

i'm abit sesak in this pic le... doesn't seem to fit in. -__-''''

i'm not lucky, but i'm happy

'I'M NOT LUCKY, BUT I'M HAPPY'

simple words, yet to me is pretty meaningful. not to u, but to a guy who didn't have much education, cuz he dislike studying. have been working ever since he came graduate from high school, have a gf to care for, and lead a very very simple life.

i don't know him really well, although he's someone related to me. but he seems content to whateva he has right now, although he did whine to me once that he's not satisfy with what his boss is paying him. true enough, the boss memang pay him quite lil.

to many, he seems to achieve nothing. but to me, he achieve far more than many others couldn't achieve, and they struggle their whole life searching and fighting for it.

but it all boils down to each individual, and their expectation in life, and what they wanna achieved in their course of life.

what are yours?

no politics b4 M-day.

i just read it in d newspaper today. it says something like this.

so, i was just wondering. is it true that politician can interfere with whoever and whatever organization in this country AGAIN after 31st of August??

hmm... everyone in this country knows that there will be always a difference in terms of poilitics and which side those ppl are trying to aid and whatsoever. it always has been so, since independence day. i'm sorry, the scenario has always this way since 3 major races came venture into this greenary land. just that no one talks bout it, and everyone knows what are the advantages and disadvantages they each hold.

yea, i do agree with the sultan of selangor statement; that malaysians have stuck together thru stormy weather. but the question is, do they do it willingly, or they have been force to do so? i belief we could take both answers. as mention earlier, we hold the key to each races. to put it bluntly, 'u help me scratch my back, i help u scratch urs.' is just plain simple as that. and it will believe me, that this is gonna go on for many years to come. unless we all change our mental attitude and perceptions. that we are malaysians, and not malaysians malays , malaysians chinese, malaysians indians, but malaysian. by just changing this very perception, it could make a whole lot difference to the development of the country and the well being of society.

as many of us will think, politics exists everywhere in the world, no matter where u r. i totally agree with it. we cannot eliminate it, but we could reduce it to the minimal. we generally, are more comfortable around ppl who are of the same 'color' of as our skin... most of my friends are the same race as i am. i wish to have a more balance group of races of friends. be it chinese, malays, indians. i'm more than welcome to have them all. but we live in an environment that most ppl tend to circum to. 'if u can't beat them, join them.' which is so true in d society that we live in.