next move

like a game in chess...

what is my next move will be.

problem is, i think too much....

dream

i had a dream yesterday...

and it shown me to be a counsellor. *shakes head*

'eh big guy... you sure ar??'

i miss

i miss those days...

miss those days that i could lay on the bed the WHOLE day doing nothing... for 3 consecutive days.

i miss when i'm out travelling with friends.. P.D., Bukit Tinggi, Tioman, Melaka... despite our differences, we would always have a blast.

i miss those laughters we shared... we laugh so loud that everyone is staring at us, and we would laugh even louder.

i miss those silly little things that we have done together. some are embarrassing, some are stupid, some are amusing. yet, every single one of it leaves in a pocket of memories that will be cherish.. always.

i miss those yum cha sessions.

... especially the ones that we went out at 3am in the morning. and ordering some weird stuff that is not in the menu.

i miss those crazy nights when we were loaded with assignments, and spend the nights together in MacDs, or bunking at each other houses just to plunge it into the pigeon hole before marks are being deducted.

i miss those chatting session on MSN from night till wee hours in the morning.

i miss those time when we drove up to Genting... just to have a cup of ice blended mocha.

i also miss those time when we drove to ulu yam... along the way, 3 cars stranded because one of ours have 2 flat tires.

those were the days. would the script make it to hollywood director's desk? hardly. media prima? maybe. but it was those experiences and adventures that makes you chuckle when you are alone and reminiscing... those were the days.

back to reality =)

workaholic

Slowly it's creeping into my skin that i'm beginning to feel i'm a workaholic.

boss is the one wearing a mask.

awaited break

at the end of today...

it will be a long and relaxing holiday.

no rush...

slow and steady....

time flies like *swoosh*

time flies... it's august ledi..

the past 1 months has been excruciating and fun at the same time.

managing people is no fun.. when they don't listen.

it's nice to see people raise up their hands and say 'yay', it puts a smile in your heart.

it's growing and expanding...

are we there yet? long way to go.. but i surely hope so.

please give me a lil more time.

i'm trying to run as fast as Usain Bolt.

spend spend spend

oooo.... just what i wrote about (a jist of it) couple of days ago, but not that many points and facts la.. and pro of course..

http://www.freemalaysiatoday.com/2011/07/14/the-spendthrift-couple/

Bersih ~~

to whom may concern

i must admit i'm not the biggest fan when it comes to politics. the thought of indulging into it merely provoke my own principles of not getting involve in such debate and events.

recent event that has happened not only whip up as a wake up call, it sunk in as to how low people can go. leaders of this country that so-call led us to independence, has taken a 180 u-turn on the same people that has fought hand in hand for this country's rights. you must give them some sort of credit that they even manage to outwit the Chinese. till this very day, they still manage to command a strong hold in ruling this country.

my parents always brag about how close knitted they were with other races. a true culture and race of 'rojak', where no skin colour was to be differentiate from the other. everyone respected each other. everyone has their backs on each other. in recent times, mixed community literally does not exist in this society. everyone will be looking after their own silver plate, and would care less on matters that does not harm them directly. everyone seems to have their own agenda. the M would strive for power, the C will be looking for more money, the I will seek protection.

it seems there is this hidden rule; if you do not cross the line to my backyard, i couldn't care less of what shit you're doing. you could kill among yourself, but DO NOT cross the line. the formula has been working pretty well for the last 100? 200 years? the problem starts when one man is not fighting for their people, or for their 'own' people, but are fighting for their own benefit. greed comes into the equation, not only they want power, they want everything. the veto power is being enforce into each living soul standing on so-call 'their soil' under their watchful eyes. treating this like their own disney playland.

if we do not learn from countries like Greece and Egypt. all we have to turn to 1 man, whom was a living legend, whom has everything. yet he wanted more. constantly trying to improve something that wasn't meant to be. trying to seek for something more that he has aplenty. always in a illusion that the world is under his fragile feet. Michael Jackson, ladies and gentlemen.

sometimes i do wonder... maybe it's the doctor who just purposely overdose and killed him. unbearable to see how this man live his life. with debts mounting to huge truck loads, and events that happened throughout his career and life. he shouldn't be given the recognition that he suppose to be getting.

sadly, many of us paid tribute to the wrong things. yes, talent is something to be acknowledge, more importantly a person's character that really completes the whole picture. character is something that takes time to build, and mould. another sad part is in today's society, that very essence part of being a outstanding person is neglected. people are being gauge by loudest voice you make, the most money you make. everything seems so surface and could easily disappear with a snap of fingers.

if you take a step back, the picture is still very much blurry. the people felt that they are being mistreated, misled, and there is no 1 solid structure to prove that the system is in good hands on it's own. like i said, the current system is being created to cater to their own needs and pleasures. i read an article that the constitution law has been change 42 times in less than 60 years, while USA amended theirs 27 times over the last 2 centuries.

what we are implying is not radical changes to make this a better place, is getting worst. how much sand you have to cover your pile of shit? one fine day when you wake up, you realize that you are being buried by your own shit, not only you have to clean your playland, the people living in your playland has to get their hands dirty to clean this mess of yours.

i'm not familiar with politics at all... but as a bystander, you could see that it's getting worst day by day. people are waking up from your hypnotism, the alarm bell is struck harder each time, and people are waking up. they tend to care, they are angry and frustrated, because you are crossing the line.

what was shown in the media and internet was such a disgrace. people do not feel safe living in this playland of yours. people are leaving. it will be too late when you turn over to your shoulder, you see no one but your own that are on the same boat as you; reaping others hard earn money, mocking others diginity, and pushing others to the brink of death. in the end, that pile of shit will eventually tumble onto you.

i do not feel one bit proud to be part of this shameful history. i do not have a story to tell to my kids like how my parents told me bout theirs. i do not feel like uttering the word that has home me for since birth.

maybe for the last time until something is done

m.a.l.a.y.s.i.a....sueh-kan

jerking

...is not fun. it makes you wanna puke. at the back of your mind, you know where you will be heading. However, the stop and go makes you want to abandon the journey itself.

no fun... no fun.

is there such things like...

you don't know something. and you don't have something.

between the both, how do you identify which is which.

take for example. say you have RM10K in your account. at the same time, you don't know bout it, but people is telling you have it.

is just like when people tell you, you are more than what you are. seriously, whenever you look in the mirror, you see you. what is hard to be reflected is the fact what you don't see in yourself. on the other hand, you could feel it.

i can feel it. and it's growing.

should or should not

have been very fickle minded of whether i should change my job. change of working environment. been telling some of the close ones what my thoughts are. and by laying down my thoughts, i thought that i would be able to figure out something. or least have a clearer picture. not in this case though.

i thought to myself, it couldn't be a good thing if you gave too much thoughts and spending much energy dwelling of might be the scenarios if i leave or stay. on the other hand, it wouldn't harm given that extra thought. just in case ma...

i'm stuck.. good nitez

5 days

Who would have thought this day will come.

Just 5 days short.

BTW, it's work related

never thought i will experience such a desire.

was told it wasn't time yet,

i made the calculations,

i do know what i'm getting myself into,

yet...

maybe i'm not ready after all..

shelter and food

a serene holiday... didn't go anywhere, didn't do any particular interesting.

in fact... had done quite a fair bit of reflection. work.

never had the feeling of being needed so much in the company... that's because there isn't anyone besides the 3 of us. and i wonder why i have stuck there for more than a year. anyway, i told my boss that i'm bored doing what i'm doing and and would prefer to do something different. and if situation allows, he has to 'transfer' me to another department.

the company is moving soon, to bangsar. is a whole lot nearer. much much nearer. at least half of the travel distance. (see how much i've dreaded to move / wish that it's much nearer to where i'm staying?) and by moving office, hopefully things can take off from there. by which; find more staffs, quality staffs. not that the previous that has left us are bad, it's just... well, it's kinda bad, when the only choices you have is people from India, uncles whom retired, aunties whom are homemakers, and fresh grads that doesn't speak english.

at least we get to hired people.... during time of desperate measures.

guess the saying of 'don't work till you are irreplaceable' is quite profound. it's not that i'm really good at my job, it's just that i stupidly enough to say 'yes' to the job at the very first place.

things that i did not like...

1) started of with a very low basic.

2) workplace is freaking far.

3) not the job scope that i was looking at the first place.

4) low pay... oh, i'm repeating.

things that compensate...

1) excellent boss

a) brain washed me that HR is boring jjob during my first interview.

b) willing to teach, and has patience to do so.

c) benefit that i never thought i might ever get.

oh gosh.. i stayed with the company because of my boss. well, it happens rite?

the other reason i stayed is because... i really don't know what i'm good at. business development? marketing? sales? admin? kiasu and kiasi can't find a job.

i admire those people that knows what they are doing, and what they are talking. maybe i should have stick to doctor, lawyer.... those profession that it is what it is. no need to think.

maybe i should just go to some kampung and build a cabin, plant some plants... that should do it. that's all you need to survive right? shelter, and food...

worth while to think bout it right?

yet to be complete

alot of half written post ended up in draft.

anyway.. decision decision decisions... hate it or love it.. we need to make it every moment in our life.

*deep breathes*

self-talk, "you'll be fine, don't worry too much bout it."

1-0 up

Just finish MU against Chelsea match. not too bad. personally i think Chelsea players are way too rough. Drogba falls down like a lady when he attempts to win free kicks or getting his opponents sent off for that matter. MU got lucky for escaping a penalty.

all is good for now...

for some strange reasons, i couldn't get back to sleep. wide awake now, not so sure bout later.

should life just be that way. taking one step at the time, and not looking too far ahead?

there's a saying, 'if you fail to plan, you plan to fail'. not sure if this ever applies. so far what i've planned out, never came true. or maybe i am being too idealistic about what might happen if things were.... going according to plan.

on the other hand, if there is no plan. it seems like it is a very direction-less path way, where you don't know where you might end up. and that is the scary part.

wise man says, 'take the least walk path, and you shall be a better man.' how many have gone through it, and come out to be a better man? a successful man? i have not given up, it's just that the path i'm taking is way too hard, i'm not sure where i'm heading, and you get de-motivated when things doesn't seems to fall into place. it comes to a point, where i think to myself, why do you bother trying again. ironically, i was being commented that i never stop trying. *laughing out loud sarcastically* taking that leap of faith again. it's scary you don't know how far down the cliff may be... you might just die half way before hitting the ground.

it is a pleasant feeling to know that you are wanted by someone. somehow knowing the fact that they believe in you. things get complicated, when you don't even believe in yourself. i'm trying to gain back that bit of confidence in me. the truth is, i'm losing that bit left in me. i do not even dare to imagine what catastrophic events that might happen.

somehow... in view to the public, it seems like a disadvantage to reveal, and bare naked especially you do not have much to show. (please think beyond physical)

there's this psychology term, that a baby did not learn to crawl, but straight into walking. you may think that the baby it's brilliant. 1 step ahead, saving time. however, i think it's a disorder.

you see... they would always look for shortcuts. jumping into conclusion. thinking too far ahead, where now is more important.

it's a chronic disease... no good no good. for the individual, and people around.

lesson of the day: baby steps. but walk faster please.

round n round n round

a lot of things going through my head right now...

let's see if i can pen it down later on..

working....

sometimes i wonder why i need to go through all these...

journey?

adventure?

test?

bahhh...

it's not easy

When freshmen first stepped into the hall while waiting for psychology 101 to begin, some will think to themselves; 'man, i'm gonna understand people so much the better after i collect my scroll.'

3 years later... there isn't much difference from the time i step into the hall the very first day. maybe i was late, and i did not catch the most important phrase the lecturer might advise us. hmm...

6.8 billion humans on earth. how can you possibly understand each and everyone of them. to a great extend, it's highly impossible. while many psychologist studies the society, the community, the patient who walks into the office and he/she happily takes it as a case study. just wonder if they could understand what they study. of course there will be experiments to be conducted, hypothesis to be predicted. in the end of the day, the question is; could you understand yourselves through and through?

understand oneself is hard enough, the community? the society? the entire human race? why even go there when we can't even handle ourselves. of course it will be mind bottling thinking bout each and every action we about to take, it's not as easy as breathing air. that is what makes us different from beings that have conscious lower than us.

the world will be a better place if people make a conscious effort to at least keep their emotions in check. however, nobody is saying you can't laugh, be angry, or sad when situations and events occur on you. you will just die.

what it meant was, would you be able to move on quickly as situation occur? recover from the highness and lowness after an happy or sad event?

it's not easy, and it takes time. it doesn't mean that you are god-like when you manage to master any particular emotions. it just meant that you're...

=)

First Valentine

Officially this is the first Valentine we celebrated together.

It's just like any normal day that we've been through. Both are dead tired after work, though i very much enjoyed the laughters while in the living room. Nothing spectacular, nothing ordinary, maybe it's because of certain restrictions, however, it's not an excuse to not 'goreng' it a lil.

I must say seeing that smile lids me up. It just gives me great comfort to manage to see you are doing alright.

Thank you for being my Valentine.. then and now.

mind readings

it's been a while. last post was 1 month ago.. so, you'll be looking at 12 post for the year 2011.

do you believe in mind readings?

have you been to wondering and searching for answers, and you couldn't just figure out for ages. it seems like a missing puzzle to complete the whole picture.

and out of a sudden, light bulb lid. you get a hint, a tip or a message from a conversation, or message that flash passed you. so, do you consider that person does mind readings? it's as though the person knows what's bothering you, and he/she does not want to tell it out explicitly, while casually phrase it in a normal conversation between 2 human beings. *that took awhile to complete the sentence*

coincidence? or just pure luck?

whatever it is, i choose to be amaze by it.

things done in year 2010

you probably heard it all the time 'wow! time passed by so quickly', 'it's the time of the year already?'

i started work 1 year ago, and it still seems like yesterday. the feeling of me working full time have not sunk in yet. yes, YET.

what have i achieved in the past 1 year? honestly, no idea.

what have i done to get me where am i today? i don't know the answer too.

some around me said that i'm extremely lucky. and i should be counting my lucky stars. well, to those who know me better, i didn't exactly sign up for it. and at times, i did not want to be in that situation. after all said and done, where have it taken me? i still have not figure it out. a lil wiser maybe. a lil more experience. in the end, i asked myself, is that it?

am i being too hard on myself? or am i expecting too much of the current situation?

work aside...

year 2010 has been a year of ups and downs. there isn't a real impactful event that i could recall specifically. as i said, things whoosh pass, there isn't a moment i could sit down and take a breather. lets see i could recall some of the things.... in random order

1) i graduated.

2) granted parent's wish of walking up the stage to receive the certificate.

3) read a couple of books (mostly unfinished)

4) went to Kuantan, Ipoh, Cameron, Genting, Sekinjang, Melaka, Penang, Phuket, Phi Phi Island, Singapore

5) attended 2 friends' weddings

6) attended couple of funerals

7) attended lots of dining buffet events

8) got an iphone... twice

9) passed 'probation' period

10) lost 10kgs, gained back 13kgs

11) met an accident

12) had a primary class gathering

13)

gosh.. so little things accomplished. (was striving very hard to think of the thirteenth)

anyway, things i wish i could but didn't manage to achieve.

1) no savings

2) Bali for holidays

3) travel to Perth

4) work in a MNC

5) others are pretty subjective.... and i couldn't think of any other things

i wish i could do something more meaningful things. however, looking back at the list, i think it's been a pretty decent year.

signing off year 2010.