empty

monday was the last nite i probably get to see everyone. though there would be opportunities that we could meet up. however, you know. work sometimes can take it's toll.

as i could observed that nite, everyone was so excited taking pictures, flaunting their dresses and tuxedos. some look stunning, and some look gracious. as everyone attempts to record and save a piece of history into their memory bank. somehow, i don't feel anything. why?

4 years in college. i couldn't say it's a waste of time. as i mentioned before in previous post. i learn awful lot, and have a great bunch of friends.

maybe i'm just not good at saying good bye. on the other hand, is there a need to say it. is not like i'm vanishing or people are leaving. they will always linger around. it's just a matter of whether we want to keep in touch. a bunch of excuses, kevin saw.

so... saying good bye.... just can't do it

4 years

...in college.

time flies rather quickly. in the blink of an eye, i'm done with college life.

what's next?

most likely work. though i would like to enjoy a few more months. i could enjoy after 5 years. or maybe lesser. ( i can hear chants 'whoa.. you're gonna be a millionaire isit?', 'retire by 30?') LOL... who knows?

after all these while, why i don't feel anything? is this suppose how one should feel when you finished your last sentence, and tearing off your exam dockets, throwing your books, and showing your hand to the invigilator while she hands you subjects available next semester; "keep the paper, i won't be coming back".

seriously, i don't feel anything. maybe a lil sense of relieved. but why. or does it have to be after i received my graduation scroll? hmm.. i'll leave it as it for now.

i certainly don't want to come back. *touch wood* i have my share downs and scares. hopefully is smooth sailing.

i enjoyed my time in HELP, great companions, travel mates, excellent motivators, and all these i've never experience before i came into HELP. at least, it's some thing different. though i long to stay.. but my time is up.

another chapter unfolds, and greater things awaits me. and i hope i could embrace it all.

to friends that are still there that reads my blog. i sincerely wish you all the best. do keep in touch. be it futsal, yum cha, travelling, or movie day....

cheers to greatness of our lives

got car, but don't know where to go

you long for a car, and you finally got it. keys were given to you. you pack your bags, stock up some food, and ready to hit the road. you plunged the car key into the ignition, shift the gear to [D], release the hand break. you look up with full of energy and enthusiasm, only to turn sour and hunch your back to next breath you take.

you don't know where you want to head to.

many of us... are just like that. given the tools, given the opportunity, we just don't know where to head to. a blank slate of mind as to where we should be heading. consciously we want to go somewhere, we just don't know if we should be going there. is it necessary to go there at the first place. and what would you do if you have reach the suppose destination.

'sometimes we should let go of what we have planned; for things to fill in as time unfold itself'

hope for the N time

i type in "hope" at the search bar of edit posts. and there were more than 50 posts that i used the word "hope"

i don't remember if i said this before, and i usually forget what i've written. even it's yesterday's post. @.@

anyway, hope... it's something that drive each and every one of us forward. hope is something we cling on to when despair is all we could feel. hope it's just a way of saying, i'll try... when sometimes trying is just not enough. 'hope' is a faint prayer that just dies of once we open our eyes and unclutched our hands. they say faith is all we need, but where is faith, and how do you define faith?

Lord Jesus?

Allah?

Buddha?

or Myself?

i'm not a strong believer in religion. neither do i reject any of them that could possibly shed light when i'm searching for answers. i've step into temples and churches. seek for answers in front of the 'cross' and 'statues'. and so far, none gave me the answers that i'm seeking. some say, you need to study it before you form your judgement. others just ask you to believe god is in everyone of us. funny, i tend to buy the latter's idea.

when we hope and pray for something, usually we hope that it will go well for us, and probably move on to others. wishing them well. it's nothing less noble that we pray and hope for the best of well-being of others. just that... we are selfish. and nothing wrong. we tend to protect our welfare first, and others second. even it's unconditional love. i might be just opening another can of worms. you see, by providing love and care towards the others, your heart tend to be at ease, align with your own belief. you are calming yourself by putting others in priority. you feel good after doing so. it's actually a double-edge sword.

coming back to the idea of hope, we tend to get disappointed every time when we put every ounce of energy hoping for the best. in the end, we rationalize things happened for a reason, and it could be the betterment for us. there are things we could learn from. trying all to act positive and being optimistic about the situation that smack right in front of your face; with 'you're in deep shit' sign looming.

all i'm saying... some times it's tiring to hope. things that don't go your way, it's frustrates you to the max. the irony part is we all hope for the better. question is, are we doing anything to improve the situation, and climb out the rabbit hole.

responsibility

when it comes to study, i think i put the least amount of effort into it. and i was told i should put more effort into it. maybe it's the continuous cycle back in high school. never really give a damn bout education.

the irony, i'm still in school, even when i should be working. thou it's another couple of weeks till i graduated. but it always gives me mixed feelings when i think bout it. in the end, i just put it aside. always.

ask my friends around me, they think that i'm never serious bout it. work, however is way more important.

now... i surprise myself that i'm actually a lil more concern bout studies as compare to work. maybe because i'm jobless, or it's a group project, and i don't want to be held responsible.

straight to the point. i was assigned to do the documentation of video for a paper, and i wasn't sure how to go about.

i emailed the group members, none reply. maybe they have blocked my email from entering their box once presentation it's over.

Or

maybe they just don't care bout the 5 marks.

anyway, problem arise, and i msg one of the most responsible member (my opinion), and he never reply.

i'm trying to run away from responsibility, but i'm facing a problem, and none give a damn. so... as part of the team, who is helplessly helpless. i should flight rite. i'll deal with it only i got caught la.

p/s: i don't usually act this way. don't assume/presume/judge that i'm always like this =p

ding dong ding dong ding dong

contemplating what to do next. sometimes decision is just not easy to make. don't know which one to take, and fear it will be a bad one. there is never wrong or right, every decision made, opens up another possibility for us to experience. having said that, rational is way easier than doing the actual thing.

lion city is not far off from 1-malaysia. don't even have to think of ozzie. though they are opportunities opening up. i'm not sure which path should i take.

i'm sorry if i said we need to make decisions there n then. even it is laid down for us. sometimes every factor needs to scrutinize to the dot before making one. and i'm no different than you.

coming back, i've tried knocking on a few doors down south, and people seems to be peeping from the window, which is a good sign, at least they don't shut you down first.

dad has been more than helpful and exceptionally encouraging. which... which....

sometimes i take for granted what i have, and i've been truly lucky to have them around me. i wouldn't say it's the best parenting style, at least they tried. i understand they have their own to live, and they try their best to provide what they could for us. if not for them, things would be very different.

i'm going all over the place, and it's a mess.

by the way, thesis defence wasn't good. i let myself down. but i'm glad that it's over. and hopefully it's not as bad as i think it will be.

finals it's in 2 weeks

after that.. work? or have some fun..?

evolution theory

does evolution theory applicable?

after researches and experiments that has been tested over and over again, it's hard to argue that it's a false claim. furthermore, if it wrong, that would make Darwin look like an idiot.

how do you distinguish between right from wrong, or the other way round. how do you differentiate the superior from the weaker ones following the natural selection process proposed and validated by Darwin himself.

i don't know.

my believe is, it all boils down to the energy and frequency that is or was tuned in by both parties. when both are align, you can talk, joke, make love and babies. as for animals, survival of their species takes centre stage. survival of the fittest remains true, because genetic transmutation and fusion of both strong genes will breed a better offspring. biologically, it makes perfect sense. however, it's just shows that we have a genetic advantage; smarter, fitter, and culturally more advance (where you were born). in a way, it gives you a head start. (if only we know how to take advantage of it).

then again, Chris Langan was tagged as the human with the highest IQ in the U.S. meaning, he's smarter than Einstein. and he lives in a bunk.

yet, from time to time, we heard stories that people defy the odds to become famous, utterly rich, or where they think they deserve to be. we get to hear stories from Oprah shows, or even MLM annual conference.

Sternberg was quoted there are different areas of intelligence besides the common 'book smart' and 'street smart' terms. and he believes that everyone is different, in terms of area we excel in. it's true that some may possess any of the abilities propose by him, yet again, it depends on each individual desire to make the most of the situation given and change things around towards what they ultimately desire (defying odds).

at the end of the day, it boils down to us as to how we want to live, what is the guideline for comfortable, what is joy, where is the bar of superiority that we should chase after. ultimately, it's just the choice that we made through what we really want, that's all the matters.

disclaimer: above is purely personal opinions, that has no scientific backing

6 weeks

6 more weeks.. time really does fly. finally graduating soon. it's still early to talk bout graduate. as anything could happen, as it has for last couple of years. unexpected events pop up here and there. i'm pretty convince i could go this through this time. *fingers crossed*

i wanted to write how i feel after this 4 years in HELP. maybe i'll save it for 6 weeks later. maybe i would have a difference perspective again. as it have during my time in college.

let's hope i won't forget...

shut down

i'm thinking of closing down this blog...

gossip

things seems more funnier and interesting when the topic and subject ain't about you.

it's bad

BUT we still do it =)

quarter of century

in a few more moments, i'll be turning 25. quarter of a century gone. time really flies. literally.

and in a few more months, i'll be graduating. what would my feelings be? well, i don't know. is there a sense of achievement? probably? it is something i attempt to complete, not whole-heartedly, but at least i tried. things haven't been smooth sailing. hopefully things will get better soon. i still don't know why i insist of taking up this course. is it because of ego? or is it just to prove i could do something in a long run? is it not to left behind? or i just want to blend in with the norm? i don't know how to answer those questions, neither do i have the answers. nevertheless, i'm glad that i enrolled into this course. there are tremendous learning that have learnt and yet to be learn. there are companions that i would never trade for any other thing in the world. i don't know why is there tears scrolling down, but... i guess it's just emotional, to me at least. somehow, there is a sense of closeness that i have never felt before throughout my life. and i grateful to have crossed path with this kind and amazing souls. they may seems normal on the outside, but deep down, they just blow your mind. at least it did to mine. i'm leaving soon. i don't know how close we're gonna stay. hopefully close enough that we could still come out and have a drink once or twice a month. some say it's just a phase in our short life here on earth, i do agree with them. hopefully this phase could last a lil longer.

i realize i questioned myself a lot lately. raising doubts i could accomplish such and such tasks. you see, i'm not a confident person. my self-esteem is in an all time low. i don't know what would happen when i come out to the working world. hopefully i could survive and start picking my pieces of confidence quickly enough. i just admire those could walk gracefully and walk with full of confidence along the street. leading some group or just do task with such confidence. i don't know are they pretending, or they really have. both ways, i respect their ability. some friends say i have that in me. problem is, i just don't see it myself. even with mirrors around me. i just don't see it. believe me, it is very frustrating.

earlier on, i mentioned i question myself, i asked a lot of questions. and these questions just don't seems to have an answer to it. and i hate it. i think i'm a problem solver. i like to find a solution to it. i wouldn't lose sleep because of it. but i get angry at myself for not finding the answer. i didn't know i could be that harsh on myself. until few moments ago. that brings me to setting standards for myself. i set pretty high standards for myself. sometimes, it's just unbelievable. the downside is that i give up easily, way too easily. clearly that had lead to disappointments after disappointments. and ultimately = no confidence.

i think i've wrote about confident, self-esteem, self worthy, etc. many a times in this blog. and it is self -actualization. somehow, it doesn't seems to be heading anyway. sometimes i question God. 'is He testing me?' i accept. 'how long more should i go through this?' this is sometime i can barely give in. when there is glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel? i quickly and bravely walk towards there. what i found? it's just a bunch of fire-flies lingering around. i guess i could link fire-flies with HOPE. it s**k but to accept hope is all there is to keep us alive. how can we break this cycle? i'm still searching for the answer.

omg, i can't believe you're still reading.

i was suppose to talk bout... heck, i don't know what was i talking, not even after scrolling up and refer to the topic.

i guess for the first time, it met the title of this blog. endless words/scroll.

happy birthday to me

mould and shape, mould and shape, mould and shape....

just not good enough

a volte

sometimes...

just sometimes...

if only i could be that lil more...

bull

am i really that stubborn??

reality check

is time to stop thinking...

as if i was doing it at the very first place.

Kevin... look at the bright side, and everything is gonna be alright.

practise...

law of polarity

why can't a person deliver only happiness?

because by being sad you know what is happiness.

within sadness, we get to experience joy.

just like tall and short, we don't know how short person feels, unless we experience it.

we know how hot and cold feels, because we experience it.

we live in the world govern by the law of polarity. everything has a balance to it. and how we balance things up? well, that's an art that it will take a long time to master.

bertukar

things are forever changing at a lightning speed, that life. and truth is...

it's getting faster and faster

complains?

the eyes never lies. behind that big genuine smile, proximity that lure a person close to you, it could easily blind one what is right from wrong. and somehow, it's fascinating, the always ignorant one could see through it.

in the world full of lies... how long can one prolong to hold him or herself to be truthful to themselves. one should always long for that, but somehow it is not easy to materialize in this frenzy, manipulative world.

however holy, however pure, we ought to practice bias. and certain prejudice will always tend to float on the surface. it's a laughable stock, when one preach their principle, and not living the way they should be. basically it's just opposing to ones core belief. on the scale of 1-10 for oxymoron, it falls at 10.

wuu... again

ride on the waves,

never let go,

and it soon will be over...

faith is all i need,

companions is all i long,

courage is all i must have....

after this long and self-inflicting pain,

have i gone stronger,

or have i strung?

it seems i'm neither here nor there,

it's just awareness that keeps me intact

what i experience is nothing new,

it's just a lil early than the norm would knew.

alas, i praise universe once i've figure it out through.

it wasn't suppose to be a poetry,

as i'm struggling to string words even it's just words of three.

human chimney

went to my first visitation to a plantation/factory/field trip few days ago.

the smell of tobacco makes me wanting to stay even further away from it. but sometimes temptation do kicks in. anyhow, i'm proud that i did not light up a cigarette for 2 days in a room full with smokers. period.

things that goes around my head

there is a saying, 'if you dream long and hard enough, your dreams will come true'. same goes to, 'if you desire for something

i begin to doubt that part. things doesn't seem to work it's way to the designated point that i desire. they say, 'everything happens for a reason'. and there are obstacles that challenges us before we are strong enough to claim the ultimate prize. what if you are not up to task? means; no finish line? i don't know, it's hard to predict the future. even it is pre-planned, sometimes or rather most of the time... things just don't work out just like you wanted. it deviates to a path that could is totally a different experience. things could be better or worst than the original goal. why does this happen then? why do we need to plan ahead if things seems unclear and misty.

i see some humans, they just live one day at a time. and they seems so much happier. could this happen to me as well? things that i longed for, doesn't match the current state i am in. it's contradicting. when things contradict, it makes a person confuse. ultimately, depress.

what if things are just unachievable? the saying goes; 'everything that is imagine of, will be a reality'. some say that 'you always get the things that you wanted'. is that so? if i could get the things i desire, why am i not getting it? is the request too big for even god to handle? i don't think that's the problem. but what is? timing? effort? knowledge? skills? talent? wisdom? ignorance? stupidity?

i'm rationalizing my way out. and it doesn't seems to be working. the thoughts are... just like the title suggested.

futsie futsal

haven't been updating as frequent as i hope for. anyhow, let's start the ball rolling again.

if you think i was busy with my stuff, actually not so. i just don't know how to put in words what i'm thinking.

on the lighter note, i manage to organize a futsal competition. that's right. a badminton lover organizing a futsal competition, that doesn't make any sense. however, i do play quite regularly as compare to badminton. so i guess it makes a little sense.

back to the story. last weekend, a few of us from the company i'm interning decided to organize a competition for the youth as part of the activities for SWA. what is SWA? Success Warrior Ambassador, it's a youth club that strive for success not just academic to youth but more of a holistic approach. i'm not saying, once you join the club, you would be success. however, it is a platform for youth to polish up a set of valuable skill that is important when we face the harsh, cold reality of working force. and no doubt, i've learn stuff that uni or college never taught us.

enough of promoting, i'll talk bout it some other time.

back to the story again. =P it was way much tougher than i thought. and honestly, the preparation wasn't good. there were many things i didn't give consideration about. and many things that were totally unexpected. i didn't draw up the schedule earlier, was short of man-power, teams were in fight, and rm1500 is alot of money...to a team consist of 7 players.

why would i say so? if you divide the prize money, it's about 200 each. i'm not saying it's a small amount, it's still money. however, some fail to see the bigger picture of sportmanship, for the good of a game. and most importantly, to have fun. some teams were driven by the animal instinct inside them, barbarians that think they are strong enough they could bring down anyone, using their fist instead of feet.

yes, it's okay to be competitive. but some idiots got over-clouded by monetary and ego. and they think they are so damn good, in actual fact, they are not. when the chips are down, they only know how to blame. best of all, the organizer get a share of the blame as well. i do admit my short comings, and it was a lesson well learned.

it was supposed to be a picture fill post. and it got side-track. my apologies.

pictures will be up soon. =D

row row row your car

3 hours in the car...

can alter a person's perception and made certain decision.

pouring out

i've come to realize something. i've been seeking acceptance. acceptance as a son, as a friend, as a colleague.... every lil thing that i've involve in people around me. or at least i tried to be involve.

unconsciously, it's what i have been doing all these years. without realizing, it seems like a chore. it's not bothersome, it's not tiresome. it just seems like a part of me.

funny as it may sound. why do we seek acceptance, especially acceptance from others. why can't we just please ourselves. why go through shit for your friends, associates, family etc.? one of the reason? we are afraid of being lonely. nobody likes to be lonely. nobody. bullshit, if anyone could live life without anybody. in some rare case, yes maybe. but i'm talking from a normal, functional society. yes, there are saints and monks and nuns who live in caves and forest, who has no social contact whatsoever with their outside world. like i said, in some rare cases.

why do i keep on stressing, that nobody likes to be lonely? (i don't know, i just feel like saying). okay.. back to acceptance. the opposite word of acceptance; rejection. the fear of rejection from anyone we care and hope to gain acceptance will clearly damage our significance as well as ego. both plays a part. imagine; you're walking on a street, where you know every single person. and no one lifted a hand to say hi, or smile at you. how would you feel? imagine as well; if everyone acknowledge you, how well would your ego be boost? both has devastating affect, and it could go either a positive or negative way.

besides feeling significant, comes along joy and peace of mind. people treat you differently. there is a sense of pride knowing very well that people that you care will be there for you when you need them. ironically, we human has been design in such a way that we could overcome anything. and we need not to have assistance from anyone. so, why do we need approval of certain party to proclaim our very own existence?

things could have been better, if i've done this, said that. sadly, things sometimes doesn't turn out the way we wanted (cliche as it may sound, but it's true). i act on impulse. i go with the feel. i don't give a damn, if i want it to go my way. and in the course of those actions, things usually turn out quite badly. sigh.

looking back, i don't have a friend who can consider my childhood friend. i really admire those who has, knowing them for years and years. wow! that just blow my mind. how can they grow up in the same or different environment and still could be very good friends. i don't feel sad, nor feeling pity in the sense. because i know there is something else that is driving me and my friends apart. and it's one of the rules and regulations of friendship.

these are the foundations of frienship. one thing i've learned is never end the friendship abruptly. it's like hitting the emergency breaks, and kicking your friend out of the car. the consequences? let's just say it's not good.

and how does it link to acceptance? well, when we reach a certain level of friendship, and understanding of the fundamental of it. acceptance may be the least thing you should worry about.

talk to me

generally, there are two types of people who talks to you.

• the ones like you

• the ones really like you

think think think ting ting ting ting

u know what happens when you got nothing better to do during the holidays?

U START TO THINK OF NONSENSE.

things that never occur in your mind, suddenly pops up like mushrooms, light bulbs start lighting everywhere. good or good? it depends... optimistically; you got break throughs, you have enlightened. pessimistically; you are just bored. either way, it doesn't matter.

there's a research done in the States, statistically is shows that more than 90% of the population DON'T THINK. 5% thinks THEY THINK. and only a hand full, REALLY THINK. George Bernard Shaw famous for his playwrights, music and politics involvement once said, "i only think one or twice a year, and i'm world famous". so, really, if you really think you're thinking? hmm... highly unlikely.

i would like to fall into the category of 'a hand full' in that particular research. but sadly, i'm far from it. at most, i THINK i'm in the category of 'thinks THEY THINK', at most. i would term it as; analyze situations and matters on hand. and never thinking.

once again, comes down to the question, do we really think? and what does thinking truly mean? to my understanding... it's the ability to entertain a brand new idea.

face value?

after all, people do care what others think. no matter how ignorant a person can be. i finally acknowledge this matter after... sometime. and yes, i could be a very ignorant person.

i've been labeled as 'cold blooded', i won't deny any of the accusation. and if 'ignorance is bliss' is anyhow true, i think i live up to it's 'status' to the fullest.

why do i act and react in such way? probably i'm not prepare to accept the fact, and running away is the best possible way; at that moment in time. ironically, i always tell others to face the fact, and approach each possible issue as optimistically as they could. on the other hand, i couldn't do so. all i could do now, it's just let out a sigh, and smile.

how stupidly i could be

roles

i was told to revaluate my role.

challenge is.. i don't know where to start. is not that i hold many roles. and i don't think i play many roles. the roles that i hold, is fairly insignificant. really.

"my son is chairperson of student council". "my daugther is the manager of the xyz hotel". "my dog is the leading pack of dog society".

sometimes the roles i play, seems to be rather petty as compare to others. and always, yea always, shy away from the responsibility to take charge. social context that have mold myself into this current state? or should i start selling myself how much i could offer to this community and society?

in chinese, there's a saying, (direct translation) 'blank talk'. and it's the easiest thing to do on earth. just talking and boast, without proving what you have to really offer. in other words, talk cock. just bull yourself through. there are people who play this particular 'role' exceptionally well.

come on, you need to give them credit for this. they could sell themselves even knowing they don't possess any of the qualities they bullshit about. how cool is that?

unleash the potential within

at times, it seems that you know so much, that i'll go all knees to worship and salute you. at times, it's just frustrating that you keep everything inside. i learn so much, every single time i hear you speak. nevertheless, i always regret that i never spend enough time with you.

you've pull me through the darkest and toughest times. and knowing you do it subtly makes it rather more impressive.

i hope i could do it more than you're doing, giving back more, sharing the things i know. however, knowing you, as selfish as always. things would take a long time.

having an impact and seeing others change for the better. it's something i could bear to see. it's something terrifying and fearful to the extend it sends shivers down my backbone. i don't know why... somehow, it's the pace that you're growing, it's just unbelievable.

3 words

Excite me pls...

300 posts

took me quite a while to reach this mile stone. =)

what can i sum up 3 years of blogging.

hmm... seems like i'm moving forward, seems like i'm backward.. seems like i'm still static.

Maslov once said, if you're not moving forward, you're moving backward.

so, where am i now?

thought it will be a long post? heh...

for the sake of updating

it's unusually odd waking up at this sorta hour wandering in the house, doing literally nothing. in actual fact, i try every possible way to go back to sleep.

i couldn't hear birds chirping. is it because of sunday? or it is because the of haze, its died of suffocation.

it's still quite dark outside. staring out the window, waiting for the newspaper delivery guy to throw in Sunday Star. but it's sunday, he too sleeps a lil later than usual.

neighbour's dog is barking. it barks at unusual hours... while everyone is watching 7-9pm drama shows in Astro. and sometimes wee hours in the morning.

coming back, the haze is so bad, my nasal pipe is dripping like crazy.

moving along... LOL. oh ya.. *light bulb*

what is the barometer for acceptance of a person's flaws?

hmm... answer (mine of cuz)

it all depends on the person who is accepting, if you love that person whole heartedly, it doesn't matter who they are, what they made of, how they gonna become. love is above all? debatable... in the end, you still could accept them. nevertheless, it could always change. as things are never static.

hmm... i don't know how to end this. oh well, just take it as commersial break lah, okayy... =)

comebacknexttime

howdy yo~

Good Morning~~

I'm a lil hyper this morning, must be the coffee i had just now. either way, i'm in a relatively good mood. so, bring me up the next notch alright?!? woohoo...!

i don't have nice pictures of me smiling... cuz i don't know how to.

note to self: learn to smile in the mirror whenever i'm in the bathroom

wedding aisle

instead of the standard, boring walking up the aisle with the same old song being played since human invented music instruments...

it's nice to spice things up a lil...

disclaimer: i'm not getting married...

check this out ... click

pasar malam frenzy

Uncle Bob fried chicken, china burger, Taiwan pizza, fried ice-cream, chocolate buble tea... these are just the few things you can get in a night market...

3 times for this week. a record for me.

Scrabble scrabbling

PRESBYTERIAN:

When you rearrange the letters:

BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER:

When you rearrange the letters:

MOON STARER

DESPERATION:

When you rearrange the letters:

A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES:

When you rearrange the letters:

THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH:

When you rearrange the letters:

HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE:

When you rearrange the letters:

HERE COME DOTS

DORMITORY:

When you rearrange the letters:

DIRTY ROOM

SLOT MACHINES:

When you rearrange the letters:

CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY:

When you rearrange the letters:

IS NO AMITY

ELECTION RESULTS:

When you rearrange the letters:

LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS:

When you rearrange the letters:

ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT:

When you rearrange the letters:

I'M A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES:

When you rearrange the letters:

THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:

When you rearrange the letters:

TWELVE PLUS ONE

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

MOTHER-IN-LAW:

When you rearrange the letters:

WOMAN HITLER

ghostly students

this is what kids been taught in school nowadays...

creative or wu liao?

credit to my bro; curi from his faebook

ho ho ho

okok.. back to work

pride & glory

enough is enough

sigh... previous post indicating i was getting more agitated by the fact of people's doings, what's being said, and plainly just can't stand the sight of their face.

*recalling and frantically searching my past memories*

nope, as much as i judge... i don't get piss. yes, pissed off by a person plainly on sight and a lil of the doings and sayings. i think that's pretty serious stuff. it bothers me so much, i feel it is sucking my energy just like that *snap*

'ignore it lah...' was what my friend said. i'm trying. really, i am. ignorance is bliss?

reading back some of my recent post, there's so much anger and hatred (alrite hatred is a heavy word, but u get my point?okay.. shall use dislike). it's just damaging my spirit and soul (is it the same thing) anyway, it's kinda sucky. how many times have i repeated the word 'suck'. see... so negative. argh!

should i just stay at home and zen myself to cleanse my mind, body and spirit? ahaha... maybe i should stay medidating again.

i don't like the fact that i need to put up a face/mask that i'm clearly not comfortable with. a friend once said, it's okay, as we try to fit into different situations and environment, as the world is harsh, we NEED to put on one, just play a different role each time.

another friend said, just be true to yourself, and be yourself. you'll feel much better at the end of the day, where you don't have to pretend. people will appreciate, and those who don't, too bad for them.

i feel that in both ways, both are true and seems similar. in actual fact, there's a subtle difference.

i hate psych. you know so much, it isn't a good thing (choong, 08) by the way, she love psych, i just cited the latter sentences. as i was saying, there are so many psych terms, you don't know which category you fit in.

see the confusion and contradiction?

i'll bite

A.N.G.E.R.

i'm feeling alot of it lately. i snap easily, i lash out at people like they are nobody. come to think of it, it's very scary indeed.

it's always too late once those filthy words leave my bad ass mouth. might already hurt that person, or tears would be strolling down those cheeks. i feel awful for pain i've cause, and the consequences, it's just unbearable.

just the other day, i almost killed a person. i've been thoroughly patience with this person (i think). things that were said.. really gets on your nerve. thank god we hardly cross paths.

'if you're so damn smart, you just go find your own damn solutions to your pathetic, self pitiful life. don't ask, if you're not willing to listen. you stupid fark ego maniac.'

*phew* much better.

can i just blame it on surpression that i've mastered throughout my entire life? okay, that settles it. surpression is my answer.


seriously, i need anger management. *4 counts breath in* *4 counts breath out*

when problems is not a problem

when you needed help the most, who can you turn to; your dad? your friend? or your foe? you'll be surprise sometimes your greatest enemy shows you the light.

it's hard to identify a problem, when sometimes i think there's none. denial mode? maybe. however, by not identify there isn't any problem at the first place; there wouldn't be any problem...in subsequent thoughts, problem doesn't exist. true? partially. suppression? probably.

i'm not asking anyone to agree with me. it's just a random thought.

it caught me thinking, when friends ask; 'are you ok?', 'is there a problem?'. if you know me, my usual response would be; 'i'm fine', 'no problem'.

am i strong, or am i covering it up? am i really that optimistic, or am i just plain ignorant? ignorant as in avoiding problems, throwing it way back to the cabinet of memory. honestly... i don't know.

i know i have to deal with situations if it's smack right at my face. implicitly... i can't get in touch with my inner self. i feel it's dark and scary, it send shivers down my spine just thinking bout it. yet, this is something i have to face.

in the end, i think i'm an avoider, fearful, ignorant son of a ______.

puddle of mud

when the odds are down, situations seem to be turning worst by the day, and the future looks bleak. the energy level is just so low, it suck out the remaining droplets from your body. Yet, at the corner of the room, there lid this soul, shinning ever so brightly. putting on a brave smile, forever energetic, and always optimistic.

however, as the mask being remove, crystal bitter taste tears flow gentle down that strong frame. as the voice box vibrates, disappointments and sadness is all that's been utter out. clenched fist pounding on the table, as anger and frustration being transmit to the hard surface table made out of rock. and as surroundings quieten down, heart that is still beating ever strongly even it's been puncture a thousand times.


will a pat on the back, an assuring hug, or even words of encouragement works?

chockie taste better

your smooth and silky skin, makes me wanna touch you,
gently caressing, afraid that you get hurt.
fondling your hair, as you hiss and giggle like a naughty child,
beneath that willy smile, lies much more to what you're portraying,
i study you, your every movement, your every angle,
despite all the effort,
it's still very much blurry between those lines.
oh.. did i mention the cleavage? oh my...
it's like never ending valley that drifts down towards the center of the earth.
what a sight.


regardless of those attributes,
i still very much hate you. yes... HATE you.

you stupid code of ethics...
as if you albeit those rules and regulation,
acting innocent.. 'oh..you shouldn't have'
acting politely.. 'so thoughtful of you.. but i can't receive it'

total turn off...

i feel like puking... urgh...

all in one

closing the door as i walked passed it. confinement time as it best.

i learned bout myself through events of the past one week more than anything else combine for the last 5-10 years of my life. good? seems great. acknowledging it is one thing, putting it into action and empowering it is another. procrastination is still very much alive and kicking in my blood streams. so.. we'll see.

i think i did a pretty good stuff will my title head of the blog. nothing fancy, just simple. no? anyway, i like it.

talking bout simplicity. remember i've mention that i prefer a simple life in my past post? doesn't matter. i need the reminder. a friend once said, 'wow... u have/ will lead a simple life.' in my mind, don't you? why complicated things when it's just so simple. having said that, sometimes things aren't that simple as it seem. we would like to believe that, don't we?

too many questions.. my apology. not really a good way to end a great weekend (if you're having one, ehh).

by the way, happy father's day. i called my dad after i reach office, to wish him. 'i love you' is something i didn't manage to blurt out. although, in my mind i was weighing the chances. this is what you get in asian context. is so hard to say those three words. intimacy and affection is something many do not grasp yet in this culture. ironically, we can say those magical words to our girlfriend/ boyfriend (or is it just me). funny... but it's interesting stuff to look into.

surprise #3 of the month

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

BERNARD SAW

you're still a blurr case as always...

air for thought

we spend most of the time searching what we want in life
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problem is... NOT because we search the wrong places.
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problem is... we don't know what we want.

drinks for thought #1

had a conversation with a friend.

her comment; scare of aging, because got a lot of things to do, and have not experience.

well...my question is, do we really need to experience all things in life?

it's good to experience as many things as we could, to do the things that we want, and die without regrets. however, there are too many things to do, that sometimes it's not enough for one life time to experience everything. and sometimes we are too engross with things, that we forget where we came from, because chasing external tangible outcomes. so what if we have done everything there is to do? to tell a great tale? hmm...

what if one life time is not enough?

i didn't know we could continue to serve God after we 'check-in'. Buddhist belief there's karma and afterlife; second chance. not so for other religions. that was an eye opener. thank you. i'm not saying who is right or wrong. after all, we choose what we want to believe.

i'm not a big fan of God. nonetheless, i do believe there's a higher being above us all. and things do happen for a reason. every damn thing. you could term it as cause and effect. some may not agree, they would say it is God's will. i may want to disagree on it a lil. hear me out for a sec?

IF is God's will... would God wanna put you in pain? maybe/maybe not. but if you think intellectually for a moment; nothing will happen if you don't drop a penny into the pond. ripples won't cause sand to move at the end of the pond. it's actually the results of what we previously thought of that causes the joy, pain and whateva experience we are/were going thru. some might just ask, 'but where got ppl wanna suffer pain?'. have you wonder why do you enjoy pleasure then. we live in the world of duality. yes and no, good and bad, positive and negative, pain and pleasure. hence, if we could enjoy, we could pretty much suffer as well. make sense? 'but this is not fair...' now your blamming God for being unfair? such irony... but it's the truth.

coming back to the question, 'why do people wana suffer pain?' there's a saying, people grow when they go through pain, i think it's just as much is true when we enjoy pleasure. the only difference, pain causes us to dig deep into our souls and minds (conscious and unconscious) to search for answers. how many of us when we are in deep shit, or has a favor to ask, we always pray hard? how many of us would pray for our love ones to be safe, or wish them well? almost all of us. funny thing is, we never pray to get more hardship, make our life miserable, and full of shit, so that we can grow. interesting huh...

very few of us probably will say a prayer saying; if this is what i need to go through, so be it, i'll just embrace it. (it's easier said than done, really).

coming back again... if u notice, when things don't go our way, we tend to get irritated, blaming the whole world that things is not working in our favor (it all happen to many of us). point is, when we say 'why is all this bad stuff happening to me?' guess what, you'll be on a roll of experiencing a series of bad stuff. don't believe? try it.. and let me know, alrite? =)

as they say... there's always 2 sides of a coin. look at the brighter side. these philosophies has been pass down generations after generations. it's always a choice how we look at things, and how we handle it from there. something interesting i found out, we humans like to sulk and take in the moment of despair and pain. is as if it's our comfort zone. and now you're wondering why chose to suffer in pain instead of enjoying the moment /incident that happened to me.

wrapping up, i mentioned that i'm not a big fan of 'His Honor'. why? i'm not sure though, maybe it's not the time yet, or God is too big of a word for me to understand and digest. too big that it'll take me no time and space could be measure to absorb all of His teachings.



p/s: this post is purely my opinion, and it has no intention of offending any parties that might feel offended.

ethics is boring... cross cultural is boring... psychology is also boring.

nth seems to interested me anymore. whyyy r?? i pick up a story book instead of cross cultural textbook, i rather watch dvd, than reading the codes. you tube streaming instead of searching for journals. so meaningless rite? i know.

3 years ago, i was like most of the people, eager to give back to the community.... wait. i think i've posted something similar to this.

die... nth seems to interest me ledi... how???

not even the thought of graduating and look for a job. how la??

i think i'm having a depression.

***

oh oh... i think i find something positive in studying psych. the only thing i could think of is... we are able to know what's wrong with us or the people around us quicker and more accurate compare with humans that did not. sadly... even we found out what's wrong with us, we ALWAYS wouldn't accept the simple fact that there's something wrong with us.

denial mode

just like... we did something wrong, it's always harder to accept your wrong doings than saying 'i'm sorry'. ain't so?

***

this is getting way to skew off topic.

i had a dream last night...
was attending an interview. we were pick up in a MPV (yup, there were a few other candidates), was drove around the block while the interviewer ask some questions. can't remember what were the questions thou. anyway, the last i remember, i was sitting in a room, facing the boss. (assuming i pass the first round). the employer looks like Dr. Goh (omg! i heard employee's benefit very bad, and the uni damn kiamsiap). anyway, cut the long story short. i got the job, (clap clap) but as i leave the room, he came over and put his arm around... (what are u thinking u bastards) my shoulder, and say 'what do you what to acheive in the next 5 years?' i stone. 'more importantly, what do you want to acheive in your life?' soh gao jor...

coincidently, was having a conversation with my friend, she ask something similar to the question i had in mind... i also dont' know how to answer.

what is this.... it's really frustrating to not knowing what interest or at least have something particular in mind.

seriously, need to introspec ledi (Phun, 09).

k la.. off the bed.

good luck in your remaining papers peeps

HAPPY B'DAY AILI NG.

I WILL NEVER FORGET YOU...



FOR PUSHING ME INTO SELAT MELAKA

10 most stupid things to do

1) being tough when you're not.

2) taking advantage of others, while protecting yourself from being taking advantage of.

3) denying the fact over and over again, padahal it's right in front of ur face.

4) giving plenty of excuses, when you only know there's only 1 alternative.

5) pretending to act cool.

6) guessing your way through, when you can just ask.

7) pray only when you need help.

8) saying something that the other person knew is a lie, and yet you still say it.

9) doing any of the 8 statements above.

10) still doing it, when you know you need to stop doing it.

please*

singer?
actor?
dancer?
above all, an entertainer?

laughter transcend throughout the sea of people,
smiles that reflect upon the person next to you,
tears of joy, sorrow, and touch; flows down the valley.

it's not easy to please,
yet thou preserve.
it's hard to stir,
yet thou continuously do so.
it annoys,
yet thou don't care.
it's nice to witness, it's great to feel, it's sad to leave,
how much so,
rather be content....

found

found this in my comp, don't know when and how it got there.. and since i haven't post up anything recently...

As I pounder up that lovely gaze,

Only to shy away with grace,

It's hard not to notice,

As thou embrance with a welcome note,

Only to be left with a blank look,

Stranded on a desert island,

In search of never island,

Stretching the cornea to its widest horizon,

In hope of home sweet home.

Crystal clear droplets of dew,

Quench thirsting in an instance blow.

Feather floats effortlessly on shimmering notes,

Just like tip toeing on that sandy coast.

Stripes of sea shells dangling down,

Knocking each other out,

Nevertheless, creates a melody that put thee in awe.

Ray of hope shines as thee frowns,

Denying the existence of souls,

Leads to down fall of that very soul.

can i heal myself...

photo credit to.. google

feeling: mood-less...

i just hope that i can make this leap this time.

*fingers crossed*

trust

why is TRUST has 5 alphabet letters, but not 4 or 7?

and

why is it call TRUST and not other name
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because

it's being build with two strong pillars Ts that is connected with you and me as US to form a bridge of relation

hence

T Relation yoU uS T

credits to sharon kong

love story meets viva la vida

a very good fren sent it to me...

a fine piece of compilation, i would say

love it

back earlier than scheduled

tagged by mandy

Here's the direction:

Once you've been tagged, you have to write a post with sixteen random things, habits or goals about you. At last, choose five people to be tagged, listing their names and why you chose them.

1) i'm random
2) i don't sleep much, but once i do, it'll be a long time.
3) sleepless record time 3 days.
4) sometimes i'm clueless of what i'm doing.
5) instead of watching series, i'm reading books, which is weird.
6) i still love badminton apart from futsal and sailing.
7) i accomplish 1 of my goals of passing the baton of LAME-ness to michael.
8) i still think i'm shy in front of people.
9) i would love to dance, but my hand and legs coordination are not cooperating.
10) prefer ramli burger over Mc-Chicken
11) i'm not desperate for a gf, padahal many thinks i am.
12) besides perth, i would like to explore to gold coast, melbourne, sydney...
13) i support MU is not because of they treble season, but because of Giggs and their team spirit.
14) how i wish to be 2 inch taller, but it's ok la.. still can cari makan with this height.
15) i would like to attempt to cook a 3 course meal
16) what attracts me in a woman is their eyes.70% angelic, 30% devilish

would like to tag....
kelsen - cuz he got no life
angelica - who recently likes blog
joyce - no updates
cheryl - no updates too
uncle sam - cuz i think u read my blog