emo-ing period for all??

just finished reading all the blogs that i visit most frequently. and came to a conclusion. everyone is emo.ing. some say is identity seeking, some are having deep thoughts of what to do with their current situation. and some... i don't think i came across 1 post that is not having the same the situation as the others. i dont' know what reaction should i potray; ampathy? sympathy? laugh? or just smile? noot teasingly laugh or smile k...

i admire some of them, as they have such deep thoughts, such different perspectives towards life. maybe i just view life different from them. probably i view relationships among people slightly different from them. maybe i just don't take it seriously as they would. the fear of getting hurt is still within me. don't know... the feeling of being in a relationship still eludes me. i'm happy with what i have, i'm content with the people around me.

falling for someone is just way too easy. getting a reaction from the other person, would say it's in between. involving in a relationship, that's just hard. stakes are high; emotions, time, energy. it could be a tiring process, but people still enjoys it. maybe the prospect of spending the rest of your life with the person you are most comfortable with, spurs both partners looking forward to be together, and make the most of it.

to me, forever doesn't exist. unless you are dead. i should be looking at life in a more optimistic manner... such is life... the person you sleep beside you for the past 10 years could just leave you the next day. maybe for the most ridiculous reason, that you never thought bout it. sad... but that's life.

emotional attachment is 1 thing that is hardest to detach. well, at least for me. i'm sure some of you may agree with me. many times when you friend just broke up, they would surely say, 'i'm not gonna get involve in a relationship anymore.' yet.. after couple of months, we see them holding another guy/gal's hand in Levi's shop buying a couples T-shirt.

not involving in a relationship, is like being half dead. (to some la) i know there are many things you could do. helping the need, save the world, serve God or maybe on a personal note, build a stronger and complete YOU. we can't escape from human interaction. by saying 'i can' meaning you staying in some temple or monastery. i mean, you actually could. by detaching youself from the outside world, yet, you are attached to it. but's it's a whole different level. maybe some of you know how's it's done. =)

as i mentioned just now, detachment part is the hardest. y so? i also not quite sure. maybe is because we have 'invested' time, energy, and emotion into the other person. and those investement definitely are more valuable than New York stocks exchange share market. some people take a life time to get over someone precious to them. some take a shorter time. i took double the time of the time i had with my partner to finally able to 'shrugged off'

it definetly takes time. we know what we suppose to do... just being told once, or figuring out things on our own. in the end, it's just understand the situation, the know will eventually come. but... the question is; accepting the fact, and acting upon it. how many of us, can acept the fact that.. let's say, ur parents just died, and you terus can accept the fact, they are gone. surely it takes time for reality to sink it, especially they mean so much to us. (maybe the parents example was bit too much, but i'm just trying to get my point across)

seeing some of my friends going thru such period. in a way, saddens me. things will definitely get better. the process is agonising and painful, yet.. it's another way of teaching about life have to offer.

******

there's 1 period of time, i almost fall for someone. (see... it's easy to fall for someone) i probably too simple, maybe too complicated. maybe the initial stages was nice... we have good conversation. probably just the nice feeling of talking to her. but i soon found out that she's interested in some other guy. (guy=my friend) and some other things happened. nonetheless, my main point is... is easy to fall for someone. hehee...

phew.. it took me 3 days to write this post. siao! n the last part was totally random. thou, there's alot more to write... but.. not tat anyone will finish reading till tis part. =)

tell you a secret

hey guys!! i got something to tell you... are you excited? or at least curious? no?? come on... lil bit also don't have?

anyway, i'm just so excited la... i don' t know where to start. maybe you oredi know it. since it's sorta announcement,... wat the heck, rite?!?


okok... *deep breath*

i tell you hor...

i'm...

i'm ....



BORED LA!!!


p/s: i know it's lame. forgive me? *acting cute* =P

untitled

friends has been pushing and asking when will the next gal 'arrive'. u think so easy meh... u think u could just place ur order in eBay, and the package will arrive in 2 weeks time. 'mou soh la'.

i try picking myself up again.

i try to gain back my confidence.

i try to love myself again.

i try everything i could possibly think of.

FAIL...

is not that i don't want to, but i don't know how to. maybe my friend was right, i am who i am. always running and hiding instead of facing.

i tried facing it... but who wants to go into battle, when u are not sure u could win. the fear of losing is just so scary. at least for me. but bad thing is, not entirely bad, there are some postive aspects of it) well... putting in simple words, i don't have to face death (yes, it seems that way), as i already found out the answer. =)

but the main point is, i just don't have the confidence to face it. =/

guess i'll just be content with what i have now. ME

very random post

tmr got another paper... ergo... and the book is not egro at all. everything is related. if u never pay attention at the begining.. tat's it. you need to constantly refering to the front part of the book again. as i was saying... tmr got paper, but i went to work yester and today as well. wat's wrong with me?!? @.@ wat's more worrying, i still don't know wat i got for my individual assignment. been trying to contact the lecturer d whole week, FAIL. ask d teacher assistant, HOPELESS.

you know... last time i used to go Starbucks to chill with friends during the weekends, or maybe after a long day in college. but now... i go there and buy coffee to stay awake while working, (especially when you need to go back and study *cough*farking ergo text book).

look furthest to the background (milk powder cans). yea.. i'm studyin while working.

when u drink alot of water... wat would be d consequences? u need to go toilet to pee la... anyway, my point is; while working in Alamanda in Putrajaya, when i go toilet, i have to pass by this Osim shop. you know now they promoting this equipment call uRobic. and there's tis salesperson rite, will be sitting on the machine. so call 'working-out' la.. even talkin to his colleague. everytime i pass by the shop, he will SURE be sitting on the thing. that was a few weeks ago... this week, i saw him again... guess wut.. his body figure still remain the same la!!

how effective it is... u be the judge la...

few weeks ago, we had steamboat at Yuen's in Sunway. if you've been there, you'll know that people fight over chicken. it's just crazy rite...

you know what? i found out something even more crazy.

1st pallet; (left hand corner) gone in 3 mins. 2nd pallet; the man is taking the last box.

these people.. (same people) rush and buy milo. 2 pallets k!! 1 pallet is bout 50 boxes. i think they could sense the world is coming to an end. that's at least 2 years of supply of milo. and that also every meal with milo. imagine: morning; milo with toast bread, afternoon; milo fried with kangkung, night; kicap chicken with milo, supper; roti milo canai. craaazzzyyyy!!

on the other hand, we know kids nowadays are getting more and more privellage, parents pamper them gile 1.

3 year old kid: mommy, i want PS 3.

mommy: okie, wateva for you son.

18 year old daughter: daddy, i want 1 mini cooper, 1 bmw, and 1 beetle. 20 Gucci, LV, Prada, handbags EACH, and 10 thousand every fornight.

daddy: done. wateva for u precious.

kk... a lil bit melampau. but... but... u just see for yourself la...

see the label properly. if you can't. it states SALMON!! wtf?!?! salmon porridge for a 8 month of baby. matt 7 o...

last time i want to drink milk...

me: mommy, i want drink milk.

mommy: wat? no money r! just go drink tap water la.

=.='''

just came back from Williams, ate alot.. n i'm stuffed. today finished another 2 papers, 4 down the drain, another 2 more to go. this is when everyone is throwing all their notes, and books. haihz... this is the consequences of taking so many subject.

don't know y, seems kinda moodless... although 4 toughest papers have been completed. guess i'm a lil bout my Ergo paper. did quite badly in my assignments and mid-terms. wonder i'l take another 6 subjects in 6th sem. will see...

been thinking alot bout... everything. my mind just wonders off in a snap of fingers. heck, i can even think of something else while i'm sitting for my paper today. damn it..
i've never been so hardworking... cuz i've always been a lazy brat. i'm too lazy to think, too lazy to move my fingers. heck, d laziness is kicking in RIGHT NOW!! i'm just lazy to type it out. thou many thoughts are swirling around in my brain.

it's been a tiring semester. 6 subjects, what do ya expect o... most of my friends take 4, oredi ask me to push them down the building. i'm not showing off... but, it's just something i thought of doing at the beginning of the semester. some of u might know the reasons, to some who doesn't. it's not important anymore.

a lecturer once say, a memory will vanished, an incident will be seen as nothing, an event is so small it seems insignificant, once something bigger, better, more beautiful happen, 'replacing' the memories that have been implanted in our neuro brain cells. (sorry for the many scientific terms ) =p to a certain extend it's true... but mostly, it's up to us lo, whether we want to 'reformat' the whole program. but usually, as us humans... won't do so... cuz there's attachment. attachments that is bound with emotions and feelings. i would say that is the strongest 'glue' on earth. and we live by it day by day... everyday... for the rest of our lives. we can't escape of it, unless we stay in some deserted island, with just few coconut trees hanging here and there.

hmm... don't know why suddenly talk bout this. but... yea. this couple of weeks have been listening to words and going places that i used to hear and visit. it use to trigger some sort of chain reaction. but funny yet weird, it didn't just now. =) in a way, things are looking more positive. things are getting better.

tired... tmr still need to work. monday still got paper. @.@ couple of more days, just couple of more days... berTAHAN!

happy b'day grandma

this is a delay post, suppose to do this last week, but takde masa.... due to ASSignments... went to a seafood restaurant near my place (supposingly is quite famous for it's fish. and i didn't know bout it after 3 yrs stayin in serdang. so much so, for my parents to do vegetarian.) anyway,m we celebrated grandma's 81st b'day. (fulamak.. how i wish i could live tat long, or maybe longer... hehee... )

delicious and fresh seafood... tiger prawn, lobster, and abalone... unfortunately, we didnt get to eat any of those. =(

this is highly recommended. better than the one i ate in klang.

me and bro's cam-whoring while waiting for the rest to arrive

her children

her chidlren in-laws

her cucu.sss

and tat's her i overheard an uncle while borrowing a lighter from their table, saying my grandma is pretty. (pretty rite.)

fuiyoh! 81 still can attract uncle.


81 and still going strong.

i think her stamina is better than some of us. climbing batu cave is piece of cake for her.

happy belated b'day grandma

tomb stone

finals is just around the corner, the gang went to edmund's house for group study. everyone seems relax, and not that stress at all (i think) compare during mock presentations and trial assessments. and i was told (cuz i was late) that most them cried, because jeffrey showed them some emo video clip. the usual 'suspect' i know they would cry. but i didn't know some of them could be that sensitive. anyway, it's nothing wrong to cry (even for a guy), to me, it's just a form of expressing your own feeling.

~~~~~~~

it was bout 5 something, and we decided to take a break. loads of info has gone in, (me... i don't think much have gone in). so we drove out to have a 'tea break' and dinner for some. one of them mentioned bout ordering wrong food. and it suddenly struck me of a conversation i had with fren couple of weeks ago.

we were talking bout tombstones, and what we gonna engrave on it after we died. so, i was thinking, and had an idea, cuz i'm was doing some field experiment bout tombstones n bible quotes couple of weeks b4 we had the conversation. so, i told my fren, 'die no eye see' (translate to canto, i think u'l know). yaya.. it's lame... it was a sudden thought, cuz i saw most of the tombstones have pictures on it, and everyone was... as if staring back at me. so, yea... that's where the 'inspiration' came from.

anyway, steph told me... y don't put 'mee goreng soup'. i was shocked, and later on i just smile. it was so long ago. and i almost forget bout it. and i ask her y should i engrave those 3 words.
and she go on by saying that, i was simple when she first met me. and it will be simple and elegant as it own class, and it's just 'kevinish'. if i engrave on it. just a word 'simple'... i don't know how to explain. but, yea.. in a way, it reminded me how simple and naive i was. seriously. k... i shouldn't use naive, but... okay.. i have 1; ignorance to the outside world.

i always wanted to have a simple and comfortable life, where i don't have to work hard like a dog, get promoted, probably become a CEO of a certain company, and that's it. the only satisfaction you get from it, is the achievement that you have reach the top. to me, i believe that there's something more in life than work. i wouldn't want to work till i die. but on the other hand, i know that money is something essential for survival, and to feed my family (if i ever have one). thus,
over a period of time, i have swayed my priorities to money. i work, work and work, even though i miss class, money is to come 1st.

in the end, what do i get out of it? nothing really. i used to earn quite a fair amount of money, but i could easily spend all of it at one go. so, if you think bout it... i've haven't achieve anything. at least, not the things that i wanted to. if you think that, 'yea, tis fella, sure want fancy cars, big house, bla bla...'. honestly, who doesn't right. if i have the chance to gain all these things, why not? but my point is, i believe there's more to life than working your ass off for something that it doesn't yield the returns that it should.

my main point is, (according to steph), i used to be a very simple person. i THINK i still am. but... not as simple as last time. not as simple as i would like to be. i know i have a choice. but sometimes we have to alter our choices to suite the trend? comformity perhaps? i don't know.
i always think that humans are simple yet extraordinary but people are the ones who complicate things. in other words, we could say that people tend to comform to society needs and how we have to project ourselves in the eyes of the person standing next to you.

as i was saying, simple is who i am, or rather who i was. and probably would want people to remember that i'm a simple person who could do extraordinary things. i'm still trying to search for my old self. and hopefully by the time i'm done finding, i'm the better old self of me. much much better. mee goreng soup = simple = kevinish


question is, what would you want to engrave on your tombstone?

i've been tagged -edited-

this is my 1st tag. n probably my last...

1. What's your favorite color at the present time?
i like... black

2. Given the chance, what special ability/power would you like to have?
The ability to know everything.

3. What do you think of your brother(s)/sister(s)?
weng jun is... you wouldn't want to know
weng jian is... same as the above

4. Where is the place that you want to go the most?
i want to go Europe. Old trafford.

5. If you can have 1 dream to come true, what would it be?
i want to have more dreams to have it come true.

6. Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after the rain?
dumb... you could see it most of the time.

7. What are you afraid to lose the most now?
hmm... i got nothing to lose, but everything to gain

8. If you win $1 million, what would you do?
my answer will be the same as aili. 1 million not much la, 10 million then we talk.

9. If you meet someone that you love, would you confess to him/her?
i guess so (Kong, 2008)

10. List out 3 good points of the person who tagged you.
er... i don't know la.. will find out more bout her. i know! she likes sushi.

11. What are the requirements that you wish from your other half?
...

12. Which type of person do you hate the most?
back-stabbers

13. What is your ambition?
to have a sugar mama. a few if possible

14. If you have fault, would you rather the people around you point out to you or would you rather they keep quiet?
of cuz point it out la.. people make mistakes wut.

15. What do you think is the most important in your life?
my family r, my friends r, my...

16. Are you a shopaholic or not?tat would be a big NO!

17. What is the thing that you really want now?
to be happy

18. If you have a chance. Which part of your character you would like to change?
i'm a hot-temper person.. so yea...

19. Is there anything that you have done which you regret?
i never join the school band.

20. what are you craving for now?
i want BR!

back to study... haha.. u know i'm joking rite. ;p

p/s: i tag steph, i think that's bout it.. others have been tagged by *coughSHARON

N82

this is wat i've been doing for the past couple of days while workin in 1U.

the gang came 'visit' me.. so sweet of them rite
cam-whore pic 1
group pic 1

cam-whore pic 2

cam -whore pic 3

group pic 2

group pic 3

yea.. taking pictures.

now... back to work... ===>>> ASSIGNMENT

=.=

just came back from movie and badminton. kinda tired thou. i passed by that place again. and i hate it when images came flashing back in. i don't think i'm depress. but i'm just angry. no, i'm not hungry.

i just want to find a loop hole.

and i THINK i have found it.

TQ 3 Kingdoms.

i don't feel like sleeping. but.. i think i better go. i need it. wouldn't want to embarrass myself tmr... (faint while half way thru explainin to customer)

~NITEY!~

random friends

i was browsing my fren's blog which he mention bout friends. couple of weeks ago, a fren of mine ask me something regarding bout my circle of friends. mom mention bout friends the other day. and i came across an article talkin bout friends as well.

got me thinking a lil...
actually rite... i got alot of random friends. what do u mean by random friends?
according to kevinsaw.org. random friends means that u have many circle of friends, scatter gile, all over the place. can find them in college, work place, shopping center, behind the lorong of some lorong that they shouldn't be at. and all these random friends rite, mean alot to you. (at least it means alot to me)

i used to have no friends at all. yea, at all. high school was... no comment at all. i still keep in touch with 1 or 2 friends thou. most of my 'friends' then was in the courts, where i used to train.
*fast forward*
then came when i enter a-levels. met a bunch of nice, interesting ppl. i still hang out with them occasionally, not as often like last time, where we used to go ulu langat in the middle of the nite, and got stuck there because my tyres burst. 2 tyres! it's interesting to look back, n see thru time that our conversation has change much. but some still the same old mundane stuff. the topics are much deeper, and involves many things in life.

after completing my a-levels, i got involve in freelance, thx to my friend. thus, i met a whole bunch of different people. some extremely brilliant, some damn hilarous, some are just normal. i fall in the normal category) anyway, it was fun, and i get to meet alot of people, face alot of complains from ignorant, arrogant, think it's their father's company kinda people. but it was fun, when u manage to put them into shame. self-satisfaction. (but i very kind, i don't do that as often as my other colleague/friends do)

after working freelance for almost 3 yrs. (don't know can put into my CV not) anyway, u know who are your friends, and who are just a colleague to u. in a way, u filter out those 'who mean somethin to u in ur life'. i don't want to use this word, but yea. i guess that's d only word i could use right now. i still keep in contact with a handful of them, they are really nice people, and have taught me alot. i mean really alot.

then, when i entered HELP. it was a totally different experience, and self-esteem demoralizing. i don't dare to tell where i'm from, who i am, and especially my age. i don't want ppl to look at me differently. not at that time. but it turn out not to be so scary as i would expect thou. they accept and acknowledge who i am as a person. in a way, they gave me the feeling i never had when i was in highschool. (what to do, deprive kid... sad la)

so, yea.. basically, i have friends from work, who means alot to me. i have friends in college, who also mean alot to me. lastly, i have friends who have grown up with me, shared the deepest thoughts, and feelings.

so, when u ask me who are my good close friends, i dont' know how to answer u. cuz they are many who are kind enough to be my friend. n i appreciate i have good circle of friends. if u ask me who are my best friends, i would say that best friends are the one who are there, by my side, lending me a shoulder when i'm at my lowest moments, and laugh with me when i'm at my happiest moments. n sharing every possible things there're to share.. if u have gone thru hell and nirvana with me.. then ur at my top of my list. =) if no, there're still possibilities we could, if u wanna be my friend.

use to be colleagues, now are my friends

friends who grown up with me

work, basically means fun, used to be la...

all smiles.

my gang in uni 1

my gang in uni 2

was searchin for pics to put up, n i came across this. cute rite. ^^