pressure

due to immense pressure...

i have decided to end my relationship... it was sorta a mutual thingy.

it's for the best of both of us.

obviously, the gals and 'gals' can't take their hands away from him.

i couldn't take it...

as it really affects me.

i wish u all the best..

once again... back to normal life

the one

the first time i saw u,

i barely know u.

as time goes by,

we get to know each other better.

i understand u more with each passing day.

i like the way u look at me,

the sparkle in ur eyes,

never fails to mesmerise me.

the jokes that u tell,

never fails to humour me.

after going thru many hardship,

after goin thru many break ups.

i want to give up.

i really want to give up.

i never thought that i would go through so much pain

so much misery.

it hurt so badly,

that i think all the love in the world is...

is... crap.

i have lost faith of the name of LOVE.


not until...

not until u came along and swept me off my feet.

i never felt this way b4,

seriously...

the feelings in me, is ever so surreal.

i need to hit myself twice,

i need to ask myself twice.

people may say or think what they wish to,

but my heart will always be…

will always be…

disclaimer: i'm still very much straight..

while everyone is busy with their assignments and meeting it's due dates. i'm just slacking here. i know i should be doing work instead. just wanna blog something, but dunno where to start.

well... it's just a crazy and hectic couple of weeks, never been so busy before in my life. althou i feel that i didnt contribute much to the group assignments. i'm sorry to all my group members if you think that i didnt do much, or social loaf. i admit i did loaf a lil... maybe quite a bit... alot? anyway, i try to contribute, but i don't know what to do la.. really blurr. especially tabulating the data in spss. all i can do is those 'keci miao stuff', feel so bad... =(

apart from that, i've starting working again, there's been jobs on and off, althou not much, but i think it could survive for the months to come, and afford the tioman trip as well.

i still don't know why i took 6 subjects at the beginning of semester. one of the reason, i wanna finish my degree as soon as possible. and another reason is, i just wanna prove to someone that i could do it. probably i was just angry at myself for not getting what i want, after putting so much effort in it. more of disappointment, i guess.

friends have been good to me. if is not for them, i think i've been long gone... k la, not tat serious. but i probably would have a breakdown. come to think of it, i actually did. i'm weak... but after the incident, it's even worst. wat's d word for worst than 'weak'? tell me bout it...

self confidence, gone...
self esteem, gone... kaput
trust, gone too
stop believing, hell yea..

basically, i never felt this low before in my life. it was really a long turn. imagine all the things u do, just turns out wrong. is like d fairy tale, Midas touch. only that whateva i touch, turns into dust.

in the last 6 months, i think i've changed. more of the negative things afloat to the surface. dah la biasa sudah negative... haihz..

i don't know what is d 'big guy' up to, giving me this kinda 'wonderful' obstacle. i thought i've overcome it 3 months ago. but it came back to hunt me for good. the period when i'm most vulnerable. i've not shed a tear since d first day of 2008. but last week, it really hit me like a train. i broke down again. yes again. i never expect those kinda shit will happen again, not after so long. i just didn't see it coming, and i was seriously run down by it. damn it.

it's ironic, that while i'm writing this, it's was bout the same time when we first met. only that, it was last year. how time flew pass us. how things have change since then. how much have we grown as a person. and how things is gonna be different from now. =)

sometimes i tell myself, how glad i've met you. if it's not for u, i wouldn't have experience this kinda trauma? maybe the word is bit harsh, but right now, that's d only word i could think of. i always feel empathy for my friends who went thru hardship, and suffer from it. in a way, i've expected it will happen sooner or later, but i just didnt know that it will hit me so hard. welcome to the club. i'm officially the member. hooray. p/s: joie, i understand how you feel and went thru that period of time. maybe not 100%, but at least, there's 90. period.

again, if u ever be reading this, (it doesn't matter if u don't) u don't have to do what u just did. i still don't know what's the actual reasons behind it that u claim u have. althou, occasionally the thought will just creep up, but i just too tired to hunt for the answer. as it don't serve any purpose anymore. u would have told me, if u wanted to, long time ago.

yet, i don't hate u. i never did. up till now, i still don't. i was just angry at myself for not doing enough. i was angry at myself for not trying harder. i'm a man with ego, that i hate to lose. i was angry at myself for letting you go so easily. and i was angry that you gave up just like that, and without giving an actual reason.

anyway, like i just said... it doesn't matter anymore. althou it doesn't serve any purpose, i appreciated the action that you've took. TQ

=)

do nothing day

today is do nothing day... i'v been bz for the past couple weeks, i don't really have time for myself. a fren once asked, ' since u so bz studying and working at the same time, do u really have time for yourself?' *think think think* all i i could manage to utter is a no.

i've been on the go for almost 9 months... and it's either i'm working or facing the lappie doing assignments, if not, will be in college doing discussion. if not, it will be some other stuff i need to do. it's just tiring...

so today... i'm just gonna stay home... and do nothing. literally nothing. theoretically nothing. i hope.

i'll just slack, stone, become vegetable for 1 day. wateva... don't ask me to do anything!!

p/s: mike, if ya reading tis... A. C is still on tonite.

today was a mundane day. got a class on a saturday morning. 1 word: SIENZ... but somehow i semangat gile went to college. but i was late bout half an hour. another reason for goin to class; wanna take back my lappie from ivy. =)

class was ok.. as usual. 1 word: BORED... but after 45 mins, i went to did an experiment. it was a fun experiment. i got extra .25% on top of the .5% for a 45 mins experiment (only psych students will know what i'm talking bout) later on, when to attend tutorial, the only reason i attended. 2 words: KIN YOU... lol.. as usual, he crap his way thru with some valid points. nonetheless, he brought the whole class to laugh, even the tutor also laugh together. it was funny... really funny. but at 1 point, it got a lil out of line, the tutor also no eye see.

btw, after the first 2 presentation, me n sharon played spider solitaire. (she played most of the time)

after tutorial, send the gals (aili, ivy, mandy) to bangsar... for shopping. but mandy was saying she's hungry, so we end up makan.ing b4 i head back home. the food... 1 word: LOUSY. n it wasn't really worth the price. the fish n chips i had, 1 word: DISAPPOINTED. d fish... sad... looks so flat n meatless. the chips.. pathetically( dunno got such word) little. i think my dog can finish d whole thing in 1 bite. BUT... the company was great. everyone was sharing their worst injuries, no offence, but i find it amusing and entertaining.of the 4 of us, you would think i got the most injuries rite. WRONG!! it was mandy. n i don't think you would ever thought she get herself injured rite. only her face... don't know how many incidents ledi. (mandy, no offence ya, wasn't teasing u)

went back home to sleep...

*beep beep* (hey bro, what time u goin to lian hui's hse..... ) shit! i totally forgotten that i had a dinner to attend. it was a pre-wedding dinner. n yes, my primary classmate is getting marry tmr. n yes.. she's quite leng lui. n no.. i'm not gonna get marry any time soon.

on top of that, we had a so call 'gathering' as well. it was nice meeting up with everyone, not everyone, but the ones that i was quite close together during primary school. some change quite drastically, n some still the same ole boring (me). but it was fun meeting with them again, especially those whom i have not met N years. surprisingly, everyone still remembers that me and a gal were a 'couple' back in those days. 12 years exactly. puppy love la... nth also. n yea.. it was really long time ago. n yea... i am old?? hmm...

in a nutshell.. it was a nice way to end my week, especially the hectic and overloaded work and assignments that i've been rushing for the past few weeks. although there're still reports and presentations need to be done.. but yea...


hope things will be smooth sailing from now on...

when u r stress.. overload with assignments and reports... what is d best thing u could do to release the stress and whateva is bottling up inside u?

*

*

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EAT!!!

*

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if is home cook food, lagi best!

P/s: mom haven cook for a long time

i know i shouldn't be here... there're tons of things i need to attend to. but yet i can't help it...

probably just a quick 1...

whenever i see you, i just can't take my eyes of you,
i just can't forget the first time i laid my eyes on you,
ur eyes just mesmerize me, and directly reach out to my soul,
i just can't help it, but to just say no,
but somehow i regretted for saying so.

you gave me a ride, when i need you.
you change my life, when i got into you
i was happy when i was riding with you,
i thought to myself, could this be the ride of my life,

at times, i still think it is
maybe now, i should be thinking it was.

when you drove off, i was left stranded in the middle of no where.
i try to walk out of this maze,
but i fail in grace.

changing lanes,
i hopped on the ride to the never-ending land.
at times, i wish it is a one way plan.
but the driver is kind enough to suggest a backup plan.
and i decided to take up the suggested.. plan.

but now...
well, i don't know what about now...
heck, i dont' know what is gonna happen now...
fuck the now...

-unknown author-

back to work...

nite peeps

kena kacau

yup... tat's rite, the title says it all... today something quite unusual happen at work. the morning period was quite okay... alot of family came n do their grocery shopping. once it hit 2pm... it was dead dry, and boring gile... i try to keep myself bz by talking to those aunties while giving out dry samples.

then came at night, when i was bout to finish work, i went to wash d tong, and when i came back, i saw 2 dentyne on my booth. then suddenly d gal who left the chewing gum, came by n say hi... of the 2 days, i never spoken to her, n suddenly she came n say hi. funny...

we started off we small talk la.. intro our names n all.. then she suddenly took out her phone. i tot she replying sms or wut la.. 'can i have ur number?' (stunt for 5 secs) 'oh.. alrite... 012-606####. 'can i have ur email as well?' (stunt for 10 secs) 'oh.. okay.. #$%$##$@hotmail.com... 'okay, thx! ur email.. isit...?' 'yea, it is.. friendster, facebook, bla bla..' 'okie... thx'

continue wiping my tong n packed my stuff...

'hey, can i take pic with u?' (stunt for 30 secs.... sai mm sai o) 'okie' (chik-chak) 'hahaha... bin zhui, take another 1 la...' (chik chak) 'i don't know how to smile infront of the camera 1 la'

u think i wat... artist or superstar meh.. i wanna go home leh.. take so many pics of me... interrupting while i packed my stuff.

it's been a tiring day. n still got work to do... y need to be so 'san fun' wor..

nitez peeps

wedding dinner

went to work today... in putrajaya carrefour. i've been to many hypermarkets to work. and i would say they have the worst system and management ever. and possibly d worst day. y? the loading bay sucks, they don't ahve a proper system to go about. i know carrefour is a hypermarket, n is big. and you would expect big truck loads to dock in to load the stocks they ordered. i litteraly need to carry the blardy booth up to d loading bay. n is at least 4 feet high. n then d stupid guard gave some stupid instructions, asking me to take the pass, otherwise i could work. (understandable) but.. tmd!! directions totally all wrong. i need to ask gazillion of ppl only i manage to find d staff entrance. n i came from the wrong direction!!

not only tat, d stocks they arrange is so random. v could find eggs in d cold storage section, n another pile of eggs in another corner of the hypermarket. milk powder is so scatter throughout the area as well. i manage to find my spot. and i set up my booth there. but when i was on the way to the cashier, i saw another section with 1 whole row of product that i'm promoting. wtf!!

wat so amazing is tat, near the staff entrance, along the corridor. i saw a cabinet full of trophy. awards for being cleanest hypermarket, best service, and best don't know what not la. i'm suspecting whether the management asked someone to do it, they purposely shelved it to show off. cuz the system and management is really darn bad.

all in all, i took more than an hour to get into d hypermarket. that also, i took a few short cuts, and skip a few procedures. imaging i follow everything, probably by the time i set my booth, it was already tea time.

after work, i went to my fren's sister's wedding. so unrelated rite. i know.. but i don't know y i agreed to go at the very first place. anyway, d highlight of the wedding is not d bride and bridegroom. but the mc? i don't think they called them that. is like those u see in chinse show, when d couple get married, and there's someone beside saying all those stuff. but this lady lagi best... she can talk, sing and dance. whole package la... but d sad thing is, she talk too much, she sings quite horribly, and dance... no comment at all. at 1 point, she sang kelly chen's pop song. swt gile...

for ur information, i haven attend a wedding dinner for the past 5 years. at least. n suddenly, i have to attend 2 in 2 consecutive weeks. swt... pokai ledi wei...

better stop here... back to ASSingnmentssss

ciaoz..

i'm so sleepy now... i did not do much throughout the whole day. just went for class in the morning, n tutorial during the afternoon, i even skipped the lecture. no... i'm not old... n i REFUSE to accept that i'm ageing!!

anyway, i just signed up for 7 experiments for the next 3 days. so POK rite... i know. mind you, i have not complete the 1 hour complusory experiment that d department FORCE us to do so...

my bros r leaving for perlis tonite, for a badminton junior circuit. all the best to them!! especially the youngest, cuz he needs points to qualify for national GP finals. i want to go cheer them on, but... u know la.. ASSignments n all... sien...

sometimes i just wonder y i took 6 subjects this semester... d smartest student (the brain) in our course also took 4 only.. yea.. 4subjects. n i'm taking 6! crazy rite... don't know wat was i thinking...

just side track a lil... my best friend just got attached. after years complaining , and dreading that she wants to get a bf, and get married. hopefully this works well for her. =)

jewel of tibet

went for a chinese musical drama held at istana budaya yesterday. it is a 1.5 million budget production from our very own Malaysian artists. although i got to admit i don't know every single one of them. if you read the papers a couple of week ago, u shud know bout it. the title of the drama is: Jewel of Tibet.

the performance was great. and it was my first time attending a musical drama. the child development program got complimentary tickets for this 2 and half hours drama. and a friend of mine, Joyce invited me along. (thx!!)

another normal day for me.. nth extraordinary events happened to me yet... no, i have not hit the million dollar jackpot. (*wish i could) just like any other normal day... shouldn't really be bloggin... but... i feel like sayin something.. but..

oh well...

i've been thinking alot lately.. many stuff.. u know, stuff that involve u as a person. how u wanna live your life. what u gonna be or do for the 5, 10, 20 years... all these questions keep running thru my head. like all the time. n i just can't help it. is it because of my age? i don't think so lor.. cuz i've been thinking this kinda stuff for as long i could rmb. do u? sometimes i see those kids on the streets, or college mates tat are so care-free, and nothing seems to bother them. sometime, i just wonder, y i can't be like them.

everyone knows that, we will be working after we graduated, unless u come from a well to do family, where everything, well.. not everything, but i would say most of the thing is being prepare for u by ur family. i'm talking bout inheritance, i'm talking bout businesses that ur family will pass down to u, eventually. for those who are not so fortunate, like me. will need to work a lil extra harder to get the life we want.

i believe that there's more to life than slogging for a 9-5 job for the next 30 odd years. i don't like the idea of working. running your own business is also consider working. but what other choice do we have, other than to work, to feed our tummy and patch the holes on the roof. we human have been rather conditioned as in work=money=lifestyle. but... i just don't really agree with the 'equation'. what's life, where u dont get to enjoy. *rephrase* wat's life, if you only get to enjoy when your 60 years old. but of cuz, there're others who can enjoy it... if they are... you don't need me to tell you rite.

so, yea... i believe there's more to life than life itself living on planet earth.

geezz.. am i just too lazy to move my sorry-fat-ass around to get the things i want. or... am i just thinking too much, and always want the easy way out. like i said, i just can't help it. heck, most of the time, i think too much, till i try to anticipate wat's gonna happen next. (if u ever get what i mean) at times, it's just so tiring, just the thought of 'hmm... if i done this, or said that, mayb the outcome would be different.' 'if i try this later, what am i gonna do next.' i don't know some of u go thru this. but i go thru this all, i mean like all the time. sometimes, i just think too far ahead... it's just crazy.

p/s: i'm talking bout life and all, rather than workload in uni life. i know i'm very laid back when it comes to work in uni. =p

wat title should i put?

today was a tiring day.. went to class as early as 10, not tat early la.. but last nite, i slept quite late.. and i'm having a bad headache.

i actually have 3 classes today... 2 lectures, and 1 tutorial. 1st lecture, i wasn't paying attention at ALL, cuz i was doin our group's questionnaire calculation. sienz.. next up, microecons tutorial. again, wasn't paying attention again. cuz i forgot to bring my book to coll. double sienz.. after lunch with the gang, i sat in the class for 15 mins, n darryl called me out, n we were discussing how to go about for our field experiment.. triple sienz... dont see d point of goin to college rite, padahal ur doing nth, not even listening to d lecturer.

anyway, d trial run for our field experiment was okay... we shouldn't be doing any of these, not b4 seeing ms. winnie. but wat d heck.. at least we know what to expect after triads with our lecturer. btw, it was thava's 1st time on the lrt. *give a round of applause everyone..

after the field experiment, was on my home, but i made the wrong turn, and end up in jln duta. wanted to make a u-turn, but instead... went to the wrong lane.. to cut the story short... i end up in 1U. don't ask me how... i also don't know. decided to watch movie, Step up 2: the street. yea.. i watched it alone.. (since someone didn't ajak) anyway.. it was fun... but the sad thing was, i was sandwiched by 2 couples side by side.... quad sienz... but on the brighter note, i got a 1U privillege card for free... yup.. FREE!! n there is 23 bucks in it!! hehehee...

below are some random pics... (malas wanna type ledi)

got my 1st post card from Kah Sang...
all the way from Venice, Italy
went to watch Step up 2... alone -,-
still got 23 bucks inside o... =)
new Dell laptop... sadly is not mine

good nitez peeps

what lies beneath

why u? out of so many, y u?

can't i spot another.

its hard for me to take my eyes of u,

and its even harder to describe the feelings towards u.
ur smooth n silky body, ur bootilicious 'butt',

and those eyes...

those eyes are just killing me.

heads turns when u arrive.

people start talkin,

n they started whispering.

yes... i could see and hear that at the corner of my eye.

but wait, they haven't seen the best of u.

wat attract me its not because of ur exterior,

yet the inner beauty that lies beneath the skin.

if only i can understand u better, if only i could see u better.

the mysterious and sophisicated structure,

being build ever so well by the gifted hands given by god.
if i manage to get hold of u...

i would be very proud to own u.

its a sight to behold.

everyone has its own perception.

yet, i think its definetely worth it.
so near yet... so far.

busy week ahead, will c how...

i got loads of things to do this week. like alot.. alot till i can't remember what am i suppose to do. the week started at the wrong foot, wait... sunday is the 1st day of the week rite. well, i had loads of fun in the sea sailing. althou i was place in d 'couples' platoo? platon? platoon?? (aili, how to spell) beside almost got killed by the 'boom'... i had fun!! reassured, it is a safe sport. really. i bet kin you had loads of fun too, getting a nice burn from mother nature. lolz..

back to what i'm suppose to do this week. and what was it again? oh ya.. loads of stuff need to be done. assignments, survey, field experiment.... what else r.. *flips to schedule, looks... close back, n start pulling hair* *faint* fellow bpsych students u know how i feel rite. and for those who don't try to imagine la.

and for the first time in my entire time in Help, i handed up my assignment late. hohoho... y?? i really don't know y leh... mind you, is not a 1% report or reflective writing assignment. is 15%!! yeap... 15%. n i don't have the urge to do, let alone finish it. but anyways, i gao dim ledi. finally!

*think*think*

dont know whether is it because of the workload of 6 subjects, or other extraneous variables. (fulamak!! i just used a term from psy 105) but i just don't feel like doing anything. i'm such a lazy ass at times. i know.

*think*think*

have u wonder y assignments are called assignments? *google word 'assignment'

"An assignment (Latin cessio) is a term used with similar meanings in the law of contracts and in the law of real estate. In both instances, it encompasses the transfer of rights held by one party—the assignor—to another party—the assignee. The legal nature of the assignment determines some additional rights and liabilities that accompany the act." - wikipedia

i don't know what the hell it means. even d definition is so ASS. no wonder it is call ASSingnments. no?? or probably last time during Rome or some where in d world, where d boss just throws you stack of workload. n those workload probably stink like the boss's ass. or maybe the stuff the boss ask them to do, looks just like their ass. go figure...

P/s: thx aili for inviting us to sailing. will do it again next time if there's another chance.

10 things i hate bout Laura

1. i hate that when i talk to you, you don't response
2. i hate that when you stare at me blankly, when i try to look you in the eye
3. i hate that when you are square but not curvy
4. i hate that when you are boring
5. i hate that when you make my life miserable
6. i hate that when you make me stress-out
7. i hate that when you just pretend that everything is fine, padahal is not
8. i hate that when you are complicated
9. i hate that when you make me insane
10. above all, i hate you till i don't know what else to say, besides I REALLY HATE YOU!!