endless scrolls

next move

2011-12-09T18:13:00.002+08:00

like a game in chess...

what is my next move will be.

problem is, i think too much....

dream

2011-11-22T12:52:00.002+08:00

i had a dream yesterday...

and it shown me to be a counsellor. *shakes head*

'eh big guy... you sure ar??'

i miss

2011-09-28T18:06:00.003+08:00

i miss those days...

miss those days that i could lay on the bed the WHOLE day doing nothing... for 3 consecutive days.

i miss when i'm out travelling with friends.. P.D., Bukit Tinggi, Tioman, Melaka... despite our differences, we would always have a blast.

i miss those laughters we shared... we laugh so loud that everyone is staring at us, and we would laugh even louder.

i miss those silly little things that we have done together. some are embarrassing, some are stupid, some are amusing. yet, every single one of it leaves in a pocket of memories that will be cherish.. always.

i miss those yum cha sessions.

... especially the ones that we went out at 3am in the morning. and ordering some weird stuff that is not in the menu.

i miss those crazy nights when we were loaded with assignments, and spend the nights together in MacDs, or bunking at each other houses just to plunge it into the pigeon hole before marks are being deducted.

i miss those chatting session on MSN from night till wee hours in the morning.

i miss those time when we drove up to Genting... just to have a cup of ice blended mocha.

i also miss those time when we drove to ulu yam... along the way, 3 cars stranded because one of ours have 2 flat tires.

those were the days. would the script make it to hollywood director's desk? hardly. media prima? maybe. but it was those experiences and adventures that makes you chuckle when you are alone and reminiscing... those were the days.

back to reality =)

workaholic

2011-09-14T10:20:00.002+08:00

Slowly it's creeping into my skin that i'm beginning to feel i'm a workaholic.

boss is the one wearing a mask.

awaited break

2011-08-26T09:58:00.002+08:00

at the end of today...

it will be a long and relaxing holiday.

no rush...

slow and steady....

time flies like swoosh

2011-08-03T13:52:00.002+08:00

time flies... it's august ledi..

the past 1 months has been excruciating and fun at the same time.

managing people is no fun.. when they don't listen.

it's nice to see people raise up their hands and say 'yay', it puts a smile in your heart.

it's growing and expanding...

are we there yet? long way to go.. but i surely hope so.

please give me a lil more time.

i'm trying to run as fast as Usain Bolt.

spend spend spend

2011-07-14T11:07:00.002+08:00

oooo.... just what i wrote about (a jist of it) couple of days ago, but not that many points and facts la.. and pro of course..

http://www.freemalaysiatoday.com/2011/07/14/the-spendthrift-couple/

Bersih ~~

to whom may concern

2011-07-11T23:34:00.004+08:00

i must admit i'm not the biggest fan when it comes to politics. the thought of indulging into it merely provoke my own principles of not getting involve in such debate and events.

recent event that has happened not only whip up as a wake up call, it sunk in as to how low people can go. leaders of this country that so-call led us to independence, has taken a 180 u-turn on the same people that has fought hand in hand for this country's rights. you must give them some sort of credit that they even manage to outwit the Chinese. till this very day, they still manage to command a strong hold in ruling this country.

my parents always brag about how close knitted they were with other races. a true culture and race of 'rojak', where no skin colour was to be differentiate from the other. everyone respected each other. everyone has their backs on each other. in recent times, mixed community literally does not exist in this society. everyone will be looking after their own silver plate, and would care less on matters that does not harm them directly. everyone seems to have their own agenda. the M would strive for power, the C will be looking for more money, the I will seek protection.

it seems there is this hidden rule; if you do not cross the line to my backyard, i couldn't care less of what shit you're doing. you could kill among yourself, but DO NOT cross the line. the formula has been working pretty well for the last 100? 200 years? the problem starts when one man is not fighting for their people, or for their 'own' people, but are fighting for their own benefit. greed comes into the equation, not only they want power, they want everything. the veto power is being enforce into each living soul standing on so-call 'their soil' under their watchful eyes. treating this like their own disney playland.

if we do not learn from countries like Greece and Egypt. all we have to turn to 1 man, whom was a living legend, whom has everything. yet he wanted more. constantly trying to improve something that wasn't meant to be. trying to seek for something more that he has aplenty. always in a illusion that the world is under his fragile feet. Michael Jackson, ladies and gentlemen.

sometimes i do wonder... maybe it's the doctor who just purposely overdose and killed him. unbearable to see how this man live his life. with debts mounting to huge truck loads, and events that happened throughout his career and life. he shouldn't be given the recognition that he suppose to be getting.

sadly, many of us paid tribute to the wrong things. yes, talent is something to be acknowledge, more importantly a person's character that really completes the whole picture. character is something that takes time to build, and mould. another sad part is in today's society, that very essence part of being a outstanding person is neglected. people are being gauge by loudest voice you make, the most money you make. everything seems so surface and could easily disappear with a snap of fingers.

if you take a step back, the picture is still very much blurry. the people felt that they are being mistreated, misled, and there is no 1 solid structure to prove that the system is in good hands on it's own. like i said, the current system is being created to cater to their own needs and pleasures. i read an article that the constitution law has been change 42 times in less than 60 years, while USA amended theirs 27 times over the last 2 centuries.

what we are implying is not radical changes to make this a better place, is getting worst. how much sand you have to cover your pile of shit? one fine day when you wake up, you realize that you are being buried by your own shit, not only you have to clean your playland, the people living in your playland has to get their hands dirty to clean this mess of yours.

i'm not familiar with politics at all... but as a bystander, you could see that it's getting worst day by day. people are waking up from your hypnotism, the alarm bell is struck harder each time, and people are waking up. they tend to care, they are angry and frustrated, because you are crossing the line.

what was shown in the media and internet was such a disgrace. people do not feel safe living in this playland of yours. people are leaving. it will be too late when you turn over to your shoulder, you see no one but your own that are on the same boat as you; reaping others hard earn money, mocking others diginity, and pushing others to the brink of death. in the end, that pile of shit will eventually tumble onto you.

i do not feel one bit proud to be part of this shameful history. i do not have a story to tell to my kids like how my parents told me bout theirs. i do not feel like uttering the word that has home me for since birth.

maybe for the last time until something is done

m.a.l.a.y.s.i.a....sueh-kan

jerking

2011-06-30T11:27:00.002+08:00

...is not fun. it makes you wanna puke. at the back of your mind, you know where you will be heading. However, the stop and go makes you want to abandon the journey itself.

no fun... no fun.

2011-06-26T14:00:00.003+08:00

is there such things like...

you don't know something. and you don't have something.

between the both, how do you identify which is which.

take for example. say you have RM10K in your account. at the same time, you don't know bout it, but people is telling you have it.

is just like when people tell you, you are more than what you are. seriously, whenever you look in the mirror, you see you. what is hard to be reflected is the fact what you don't see in yourself. on the other hand, you could feel it.

i can feel it. and it's growing.

should or should not

2011-06-03T00:35:00.002+08:00

have been very fickle minded of whether i should change my job. change of working environment. been telling some of the close ones what my thoughts are. and by laying down my thoughts, i thought that i would be able to figure out something. or least have a clearer picture. not in this case though.

i thought to myself, it couldn't be a good thing if you gave too much thoughts and spending much energy dwelling of might be the scenarios if i leave or stay. on the other hand, it wouldn't harm given that extra thought. just in case ma...

i'm stuck.. good nitez

5 days

2011-05-10T19:42:00.003+08:00

Who would have thought this day will come.

Just 5 days short.

BTW, it's work related

2011-05-06T00:11:00.002+08:00

never thought i will experience such a desire.

was told it wasn't time yet,

i made the calculations,

i do know what i'm getting myself into,

yet...

maybe i'm not ready after all..

shelter and food

2011-05-02T19:14:00.003+08:00

a serene holiday... didn't go anywhere, didn't do any particular interesting.

in fact... had done quite a fair bit of reflection. work.

never had the feeling of being needed so much in the company... that's because there isn't anyone besides the 3 of us. and i wonder why i have stuck there for more than a year. anyway, i told my boss that i'm bored doing what i'm doing and and would prefer to do something different. and if situation allows, he has to 'transfer' me to another department.

the company is moving soon, to bangsar. is a whole lot nearer. much much nearer. at least half of the travel distance. (see how much i've dreaded to move / wish that it's much nearer to where i'm staying?) and by moving office, hopefully things can take off from there. by which; find more staffs, quality staffs. not that the previous that has left us are bad, it's just... well, it's kinda bad, when the only choices you have is people from India, uncles whom retired, aunties whom are homemakers, and fresh grads that doesn't speak english.

at least we get to hired people.... during time of desperate measures.

guess the saying of 'don't work till you are irreplaceable' is quite profound. it's not that i'm really good at my job, it's just that i stupidly enough to say 'yes' to the job at the very first place.

things that i did not like...

1) started of with a very low basic.

2) workplace is freaking far.

3) not the job scope that i was looking at the first place.

4) low pay... oh, i'm repeating.

things that compensate...

1) excellent boss

a) brain washed me that HR is boring jjob during my first interview.

b) willing to teach, and has patience to do so.

c) benefit that i never thought i might ever get.

oh gosh.. i stayed with the company because of my boss. well, it happens rite?

the other reason i stayed is because... i really don't know what i'm good at. business development? marketing? sales? admin? kiasu and kiasi can't find a job.

i admire those people that knows what they are doing, and what they are talking. maybe i should have stick to doctor, lawyer.... those profession that it is what it is. no need to think.

maybe i should just go to some kampung and build a cabin, plant some plants... that should do it. that's all you need to survive right? shelter, and food...

worth while to think bout it right?

yet to be complete

2011-04-29T01:53:00.002+08:00

alot of half written post ended up in draft.

anyway.. decision decision decisions... hate it or love it.. we need to make it every moment in our life.

*deep breathes*

self-talk, "you'll be fine, don't worry too much bout it."

1-0 up

2011-04-07T05:01:00.003+08:00

Just finish MU against Chelsea match. not too bad. personally i think Chelsea players are way too rough. Drogba falls down like a lady when he attempts to win free kicks or getting his opponents sent off for that matter. MU got lucky for escaping a penalty.

all is good for now...

for some strange reasons, i couldn't get back to sleep. wide awake now, not so sure bout later.

should life just be that way. taking one step at the time, and not looking too far ahead?

there's a saying, 'if you fail to plan, you plan to fail'. not sure if this ever applies. so far what i've planned out, never came true. or maybe i am being too idealistic about what might happen if things were.... going according to plan.

on the other hand, if there is no plan. it seems like it is a very direction-less path way, where you don't know where you might end up. and that is the scary part.

wise man says, 'take the least walk path, and you shall be a better man.' how many have gone through it, and come out to be a better man? a successful man? i have not given up, it's just that the path i'm taking is way too hard, i'm not sure where i'm heading, and you get de-motivated when things doesn't seems to fall into place. it comes to a point, where i think to myself, why do you bother trying again. ironically, i was being commented that i never stop trying. *laughing out loud sarcastically* taking that leap of faith again. it's scary you don't know how far down the cliff may be... you might just die half way before hitting the ground.

it is a pleasant feeling to know that you are wanted by someone. somehow knowing the fact that they believe in you. things get complicated, when you don't even believe in yourself. i'm trying to gain back that bit of confidence in me. the truth is, i'm losing that bit left in me. i do not even dare to imagine what catastrophic events that might happen.

somehow... in view to the public, it seems like a disadvantage to reveal, and bare naked especially you do not have much to show. (please think beyond physical)

there's this psychology term, that a baby did not learn to crawl, but straight into walking. you may think that the baby it's brilliant. 1 step ahead, saving time. however, i think it's a disorder.

you see... they would always look for shortcuts. jumping into conclusion. thinking too far ahead, where now is more important.

it's a chronic disease... no good no good. for the individual, and people around.

lesson of the day: baby steps. but walk faster please.

round n round n round

2011-03-18T11:34:00.001+08:00

a lot of things going through my head right now...

let's see if i can pen it down later on..

working....

2011-03-14T13:45:00.001+08:00

sometimes i wonder why i need to go through all these...

journey?

adventure?

test?

bahhh...

it's not easy

2011-03-05T23:58:00.002+08:00

When freshmen first stepped into the hall while waiting for psychology 101 to begin, some will think to themselves; 'man, i'm gonna understand people so much the better after i collect my scroll.'

3 years later... there isn't much difference from the time i step into the hall the very first day. maybe i was late, and i did not catch the most important phrase the lecturer might advise us. hmm...

6.8 billion humans on earth. how can you possibly understand each and everyone of them. to a great extend, it's highly impossible. while many psychologist studies the society, the community, the patient who walks into the office and he/she happily takes it as a case study. just wonder if they could understand what they study. of course there will be experiments to be conducted, hypothesis to be predicted. in the end of the day, the question is; could you understand yourselves through and through?

understand oneself is hard enough, the community? the society? the entire human race? why even go there when we can't even handle ourselves. of course it will be mind bottling thinking bout each and every action we about to take, it's not as easy as breathing air. that is what makes us different from beings that have conscious lower than us.

the world will be a better place if people make a conscious effort to at least keep their emotions in check. however, nobody is saying you can't laugh, be angry, or sad when situations and events occur on you. you will just die.

what it meant was, would you be able to move on quickly as situation occur? recover from the highness and lowness after an happy or sad event?

it's not easy, and it takes time. it doesn't mean that you are god-like when you manage to master any particular emotions. it just meant that you're...

First Valentine

2011-02-17T00:02:00.004+08:00

Officially this is the first Valentine we celebrated together.

It's just like any normal day that we've been through. Both are dead tired after work, though i very much enjoyed the laughters while in the living room. Nothing spectacular, nothing ordinary, maybe it's because of certain restrictions, however, it's not an excuse to not 'goreng' it a lil.

I must say seeing that smile lids me up. It just gives me great comfort to manage to see you are doing alright.

Thank you for being my Valentine.. then and now.

mind readings

2011-02-11T17:20:00.002+08:00

it's been a while. last post was 1 month ago.. so, you'll be looking at 12 post for the year 2011.

do you believe in mind readings?

have you been to wondering and searching for answers, and you couldn't just figure out for ages. it seems like a missing puzzle to complete the whole picture.

and out of a sudden, light bulb lid. you get a hint, a tip or a message from a conversation, or message that flash passed you. so, do you consider that person does mind readings? it's as though the person knows what's bothering you, and he/she does not want to tell it out explicitly, while casually phrase it in a normal conversation between 2 human beings. *that took awhile to complete the sentence*

coincidence? or just pure luck?

whatever it is, i choose to be amaze by it.

things done in year 2010

2011-01-02T11:13:00.003+08:00

you probably heard it all the time 'wow! time passed by so quickly', 'it's the time of the year already?'

i started work 1 year ago, and it still seems like yesterday. the feeling of me working full time have not sunk in yet. yes, YET.

what have i achieved in the past 1 year? honestly, no idea.

what have i done to get me where am i today? i don't know the answer too.

some around me said that i'm extremely lucky. and i should be counting my lucky stars. well, to those who know me better, i didn't exactly sign up for it. and at times, i did not want to be in that situation. after all said and done, where have it taken me? i still have not figure it out. a lil wiser maybe. a lil more experience. in the end, i asked myself, is that it?

am i being too hard on myself? or am i expecting too much of the current situation?

work aside...

year 2010 has been a year of ups and downs. there isn't a real impactful event that i could recall specifically. as i said, things whoosh pass, there isn't a moment i could sit down and take a breather. lets see i could recall some of the things.... in random order

1) i graduated.

2) granted parent's wish of walking up the stage to receive the certificate.

3) read a couple of books (mostly unfinished)

4) went to Kuantan, Ipoh, Cameron, Genting, Sekinjang, Melaka, Penang, Phuket, Phi Phi Island, Singapore

5) attended 2 friends' weddings

6) attended couple of funerals

7) attended lots of dining buffet events

8) got an iphone... twice

9) passed 'probation' period

10) lost 10kgs, gained back 13kgs

11) met an accident

12) had a primary class gathering

13)

gosh.. so little things accomplished. (was striving very hard to think of the thirteenth)

anyway, things i wish i could but didn't manage to achieve.

1) no savings

2) Bali for holidays

3) travel to Perth

4) work in a MNC

5) others are pretty subjective.... and i couldn't think of any other things

i wish i could do something more meaningful things. however, looking back at the list, i think it's been a pretty decent year.

signing off year 2010.

ramblings

2010-12-26T21:54:00.002+08:00

there are many things i tried explaining, and no one seems to understand it. there are certain believes i adopt that may not to anyones liking. i don't know whether things will turn out what i intended to be. i keep my fingers crossed, and never stop trying. this is the only thing i know. don't break the only thing i know how to do. give me a better solution, a different solution. i lack of trust and believes. and possibly that's why i am where i am today. screwed up. i don't intend to fix it. i just want things to get better from now on.

Break

2010-12-08T18:27:00.001+08:00

I still need/want a break.

Wanted to submit my leave application form, but suddenly got projects came in. Sigh

er.. title-less it is

2010-11-21T18:42:00.000+08:00

i've been blog hopping, reading a lil bit here and there. mostly looking at pictures really. more importantly, i take a look at myself, and people around me. it's not that i've been expose to many. however, just my one cent thoughts i have.

here goes...

it's really easy, i mean really really easy to miss out on things. not just exciting things. i'm talking bout small lil things that may not be significant at first glance, IF you're moving such pace. i always thought that i take things easy. however, someone pointed out to me, i jump into things very quickly. assumptions, always wanting to be first, getting ahead, making sure that the person next to you is 2 steps behind you. could i just blame that i'm being trained that way? coughbadmintoncough.

having said that, really it's those small lil things that actually accounted for making it a successful thing in your barometer of good stuff. hmm... wonder where did that just came from.

bottom line. enjoy the moment. [i'll try la k]

yay~~! i just blogged after quite awhile. woohoo.. super happy. jumps around* *moon walk*

that's a bit too extrem of optimism. hehe

dinner time.

and not forgetting, happy birthday Jian. may you have a bless and wonderful 18th year. =D

random no. XX2

2010-10-31T23:43:00.002+08:00

things may not turn out what we expect. as much as we want it, persistence may never struck much sense to it, when you don't get the things you want.

ultimately, it may not be the things you need. why frown, just make the best out of every situation. it solely depends on individuals of how we look at it. be content may be the word that is ringing in the head.

but to quench the satisfaction thirst is never easy. that's why we have survive as long as time have recorded. so much so evolving over time.

PHD

2010-10-22T16:14:00.002+08:00

whoa.. since when...? my friend link me to his blog. PHD in BS?? lolz

saturday

2010-10-09T10:24:00.003+08:00

this is one of the Saturdays i would chilled at home, cranked up my laptop and watch House. Just came back from breakfast with the mom and bro (youngest).

things have been really really mundane and routine. now that 'the gal' is sorta working under the same roof as i am, and the bro (youngest) came on board for a couple of days... besides work, and food... and watching series... life has been pretty much... okay..

i was term as being not adventurous. i begged to differ. i honestly feel i can do both. and how could you be outgoing, when every time some things just don't work out, or there is a last min changes. what can you do?? agenda push it forward lo..

how could you do something, when the smiley face is always at monotonous or tuned down..? do we have to always let the environment to conquer how we felt, and what we should feel? sometimes. but not all the time.

surely things will be great, if we have everything under our control. we feel powerful. the dark side of this emotion..? we tend to seek for more. that's where the thrill is. we humans have been programmed to seek for something better. it's in our genes. from living in the caves to living between concrete walls. we have advance quite a fair bit. some analyses have said that human growth and spurt of advancement have increase in a tremendous pace in the last century. the fastest ever since the beginning of time.

what could be more after this...? flying cars?teleports? ability to survive without food?

*ran to toilet*

train of thoughts...broken*

well, i think we have a handful of stuff on our plate, i say let the advancement of the human race to those constantly trying to change the world and improve this planet. and we sit back and handle our own matters, embrace and experience it as it comes..

happy saturday

unexpected journey

2010-09-05T11:05:00.002+08:00

When Christopher Columbus first set sail, he did not expect to 'found' America. Life is a journey of twists and turns. Even on a race course,where it's been designated, drivers sometimes do end up on the brick walls.

Embrace it, and let it take you on an exciting ride. When people say you need to completely take charge of your life. It's just half truth in it. Knowing what to do, and mapping your course in life is important. What's more imperative is be flexible in your approach, you never know where it will take you.

phase

2010-08-23T19:02:00.002+08:00

i wish things would be better.

and i wish things could be better.

it's just a phase...

and it shall pass.

good things never last forever,

so as bad.

the darkest hours,

are just before the break of dawn.

don't frown because your chips are down,

smile because is an experience gain.

it

2010-08-19T00:31:00.002+08:00

After a while..

you don't know whether you're getting good at it, or you're just not up for it.

pariah hilton

2010-08-18T11:09:00.005+08:00

You know when you get to attend parties, social events? everyone seems to dress up, have fun, enjoying the food, booze. cuci mata abit and hopefully get lucky before the lights turn out?

socialite like Paris Hilton?

enjoy sumptuous food that you don't need to fork out a single cent.

drink till there's no tomorrow, while waking up to a person that you hardly remember his/her name.

I don't know bout you, but i don't really like this, especially dinners. specifically buffet dinners.
i have alot of this. i wouldn't hate it, it's just part of the job. i would prefer to chill at home, or yum cha with a few friends.

am i whinning? no. am i showing off? no. am i complaining? maybe a lil. i guess i just want to finish my drama of House season 5.

M or H

2010-08-11T18:48:00.002+08:00

Money or Happiness...

Choose one...

Sometimes i wonder is it really that hard to stick to one. Truth is, it's hard. It's not complex math or a chicken and egg thing. 'Content' would be a key word in between this 2 words that utterly have cause many disharmony. The constant struggle to strive for these ultimate 'thing', can cause a few added strands of white hair. We try to ignore... go with the flow... many other ways. Yet..

Fact is.. it's like that lah.. i also don't know what is the fact.

random thoughts... begin

2010-08-02T21:59:00.002+08:00

it's so hard to pen down my thoughts these days. it's like a flip switch, "click" "click" "click"... or a hour glass, grains of sand flowing through that tiny pipe. each grain of sand represents a thought, and as it flows down that chimney, it's hard to keep track of as it reaches the bottom of the base. Accumulated, non-organize, scattered...

as i was going down the newsfeed of facebook. i saw an album, in that picture, there were a group of people. and i know most of them, wouldn't say we are close, just hi-bye friends. at one period of time, i was pretty close with some of them. i wonder what it takes to build that bond?

scrolling down... same for another group of friends. just hi-bye friends, used to sit in the same class room, side by side... looking at each other's answers during examination. apart from that, i wonder how did they went through those thick and thin periods.

envy? yea.. definitely.

mom used to tell me; 'you don't need many friends. a few good ones will do. as time goes by, the group will get smaller, everyone will be preoccupy with stuffs and family.' true enough.

well, i never really categorize my friends, as in 'your my buddy, your my best friend, your my no so close friend, hello hi-bye friends, bye bye hi-bye friends...' i'm glad and happy that some call me as their best friend, buddy... it's my honor to cross path with you.

sometimes.. i don't know how to categorize all these. what is a definition of a 'best friend'? a person whom you share everything, every single little nitty gritty stuff.

random thoughts... end

2010-07-28T02:01:00.002+08:00

I would like to post more often than i wish to. But no ideas of what to put it up...

till then...

Stay Alive

places to visit

2010-07-03T10:42:00.005+08:00

i want a holiday. for the last 7 months, i only took 1 day off. And that also because of something urgent. it's quite amazing for the fact i'm such a lazy person

experience awesome sunset in Bali

seeing how fast is the pace of Toyko

taking long walks on a countryside in UK

enjoying the slow pace in Perth

Swinging from building to next building in New York

But all these things... need ka-ching.

no money how to go lah.

2010-06-30T13:41:00.002+08:00

If 'time' doesn't fit into the equation, the question of 'how long' will just be a variable in this equation.

rain rain go away

2010-06-19T10:18:00.004+08:00

i find this quite amusing. made some comments.

1) lady is afraid of water, scare will drown (then again, why did she crossed the road)

2) lady is desperate for man in uniform to save her life (ah moi you look quite ok wut)

3) lady is afraid dolphin from Sentosa island will bite her pedicure

4) man in uniform got nothing to do, too excited going around street saving helpless citizen

5) man in uniform receive a call from her?

6) lady is too ****, (just turn around and walk back where you came from lah)

6 months

2010-06-14T17:46:00.003+08:00

*blink blink*

6 months in work force... wonder how many more years to come. will continue counting when it reach 31st Dec.

time flies...

Besty~~~

can you sing 'Slow Down~~' for me??

good enough

2010-06-08T20:03:00.002+08:00

i was chatting with a friend today, was told/ask that she doesn't treat her partner good enough.

got me thinking a lil while bathing just now. maybe it's just AHA moments. Anyway,
my 2 cents/ AHA moments would be; there's no such thing as good enough.this is just a perception on what others see upon us, or maybe us who lay their eyes of where the bar should be. But of cause, we don't expect people or you treating others like shit, and was told to **** off. seriously, in my opinion, there's no such thing as good enough, only the best you coul contribute, in your own capacity. i have friends pack lunch boxes for her bf, and i also have friends whom their partner never hold their hands in 3 years of their relationship.

when a person start constantly saying, 'can't you see i'm doing this for you, i'm sacrificing alot for you.' well, in economics term; when demand does not meet supply, the cycle just breaks off. kaboom. seriously, no point being in cycle when there's no constant flow in the loop.

AHA moment gone, overpowered by hunger. food needs to be inserted to heal the soul.

cheerios

women's right

2010-06-01T18:58:00.003+08:00

many do not realize, but women are getting more and more power. be it in the corporate companies or at home. we constantly hear pageant whom just won the title of Miss whatever competition they have join, they would be shouting just 3 things. world peace, help the poor and fight for woman's rights. *yawn*

as i said, many don't realize that, men balls shrink by the day. their bravery of going out for battles to fight for the country will no longer be seen as brave, it will be seen as stupidity. dying for your country is not an honor anymore. husbands buying food in the middle of the night, just to satisfy their wife's cravings. bfs allocate their job just to be with their gfs, etc.

i'm not generalizing. however, you could see around that men will do anything for their women. as it always have been. men will pour their heart and soul to do whatever the woman tells them to. wars torn nations apart just because 2 kings fight over a princess.

in actual fact, many women out there are really really powerful. they literally hold their men's ____, so much so the man will just nod their head to whatever request was spilled by the woman.

and YET, women want to fight for equal rights. whereas, they have complete control over men. this point, i just can't understand.

dosage

2010-05-30T23:09:00.001+08:00

i need a huge dose of inspiration, motivation, and purpose to move forward

something heavy

2010-05-14T11:44:00.003+08:00

I sometimes think that acting cute when you're originally do not fall under the cute looking caategory, is a big turn off. Or rather, that's how I think.

Also, trying to act pity... to gain attention

again, it's subjected to individual's perception

fun time

2010-04-25T16:05:00.002+08:00

it was a night to be remember, as it could very well be the last gathering. the laughter and screeching pitch of tone that shakes and move the neighborhood. i guess they won't mind one bit, as it's purely filled with joy. the uncle down the road might just grinned and reminisced his time back in college.

moving forward, each and everyone will go on with their lives. some have goals and dreams to chase after, and some have life purpose to lead the way, and some have destiny to be fulfilled. anyhow, it's the moments that we cherish each other presence more important than the meet up for the sake of it that counts.

no doubt it's one of those nights that everyone are relieve ( most of us were), and enjoy each other companion.

no doubt that 3 years isn't very long. nevertheless, it's where the foundation of friendship starts. it's where real long lasting relation is bound.

no doubt, if you were here with us, i'm sure it will be much more lively. miss those times when we were together with the gang (secretly and openly).

save 1 space for you by my side

tribute to boss

2010-04-24T10:49:00.002+08:00

after 4 months of working. i find my boss quite intriguing in a sense that the qualities he has, at times you take a closer look, it just... can't find a word for it.

he has such composure, though he will blast you (if it's your fault) or he hits a bump. he almost always will get things done. the amount of time lapse to come up with a solution is astonishing. he's very good at analyzing (typical accountant), the way he observes situations, human behavior... i wouldn't say i'm a psych graduand. guess experience comes with it.

i think he is mystery kinda person. me and my colleague were saying that he is a spy from CIA, singapore department. fetching information back to his country. well, you couldn't pass out the possibility of it. as singapore is doing better than us. and the amount of business singaporeans are expanding here in this country is quite scary.

nevertheless, he is really a nice person. and one heck of a boss.

2010-04-17T00:26:00.002+08:00

lately has just been work and no play for me. sigh. i don't like this.

people have been saying i'm fat. i blame it on stress. maybe i shouldn't eat that much. always tell myself, need to exercise la, do some sit-ups, kill some fats. never work. suppose to go futsal on thursday, end up in some event host and co host by Coach and Alliance bank.

funny, i would rather go futsal than mingle around with people carrying Coach bags, LV wallets, and Dunhill tuxedo. is sports really fuse in my bloodstream. i can only wonder.

moving along, had an interesting topic with my boss that day. a person taste will change/increase/differ parallel with your income. to some extend, i think it's pretty true. why settle for something less, when you can very well afford it. my question is, do you really need a whole collection of it. it's a norm thing, when salary or environment permits, humans will always wants more. every human is being innate 'greed' somewhere along the line in their DNA.

we could put it in a way that, we are target oriented humans, we strive for something better, and that's how humans have evolve since beginning of time. optimistic? or self consoling?

this whole post is rather scatter all over the place... many things running through my mind. it's been a while though.

3 types again

2010-04-11T18:16:00.002+08:00

My boss told me that there are three kinds of people in this world. this categorization adds on to the list that people segregate humans into different sections.

good and bad; black and white and brown... and the list goes on.

what he shares with me over lunch, seems and sounds true la.

he categorize humans into 3 types. intelligent; hardworking; lucky

in working life, there only exist 3 types of people. the above 3. if you see, those top management, they are either 1 of them, or a mixture of this and that. the dean in my (ex) department where i used to study, is super smart. my big boss is damn hardworking. god knows how many hours he puts in, as far as i know, it's alot. lucky... you wouldn't believe, but some employee are really that lucky. they rise to the top of corporate ladder in lightning speed. 10 years, and he/she is a managing director, or CEO of a big company.

as for me... i'm still thinking where i fit in. is there option D?

working life

2010-04-06T21:16:00.002+08:00

work is piling, hours are getting longer, and i'm getting phone calls from my boss at 10, 11pm these days.

when la this project can end?? i never thought this could be that tough when i first started working. oh my...

got a whole lot to write just now, but went to de-stress. forgot everything ledi. bah.

till then, next time laaa

sweet dreams

i shit also no time, you want me to do this

2010-03-26T13:42:00.004+08:00

could one is focus on doing solely on one thing, and one particular thing only, that they don't have time for any other things? be it to shit or eat or even brush their teeth.

i always hear ppl say; 'i shit also no time, you want me to do this?' ( i sometimes use this too, if i don't feel like doing it). sadly, most of the time, when they said it, next moment you bump into them in shopping complexes, facebooking, or doing whateva they are not suppose to do, or rather least important as compare to what they suppose to be doing.

oh well, we are humans. and there are always margin for us making mistakes. what i'm trying to say is... just be frank lah. don't have to give so many redundant excuses.

singapore => KL

2010-03-21T20:03:00.004+08:00

currently in Singapore, will be back to KL in a couple of hours time.

must say, i have lots of fun. good laughs, great companion, good food.

in the end, something to look forward.

neither here nor there

2010-02-26T23:48:00.004+08:00

opportunities have been popping up here and there. at times, it seems good. other times, it leaves you too much options, you don't know which to pick. they say; go with your heart. whenever i trust it... things turn out not the way i expected. it's funny when we always think that the grass is always greener the other side of the fence. i've been asking alot of questions lately, i think i irritate those people around me. i don't want to make a mistake that i couldn't afford to. i wouldn't say i made alot of mistakes, but the mistakes that i have made, it's sufficient to last me a couple of years. some of those mistakes i realize, i still repeat. afterall, i'm still human. some say, especially the teachers, would usually say; "don't make the same mistakes again". i can tell you it is very hard to succeed. not to say you can't, but it's just very hard. i've been making so many mistakes, sometime a wise decision could just turn into some shitty ones. "it's okay to make mistakes. learn from it, and don't make the same ones" easier said that done. we tend to fall back to the same thing over and over again. old habit dies hard. the desire it's just not strong enough. "go with the flow", is a common thing we all hear. sometimes... in fact, most of the time, going with the flow will lead you to some place you never thought of ended up with. then we will console ourselves; "this is gods will, He wants to test us". how ironic. at least, this is the humor side of it. 'positive thinking'... so to speak. on the other hand, strong minded person knows where they want to go. determine as ever, heaps of confidence, crystal clear in their mind that they will never settle for anything less than what they have set for. we have heard stories about these extraordinary humans defying all odds to achieve what they have set. these people tells stories that move souls and lift spirits. and we all want to be part of it. fact is, how many of us are as determine as these inhuman. sometimes i think these are angels that have been sent down from heavens to inspire. give us hope. as hope feeds the soul to make one body vessel to take one more step forward. to acknowledge there is still light at the end of the tunnel. before we step into that frame of mind, we need to know what we can/ can't do. what is within the capabilities. "we can do anything", one guy shouted at the back of the room. "i'm just being realistic, boy." there are so many things we can do in this world, that every single person experience different things in their life time, and life times before this, and life times ahead of this. a wise person once said, "our body are just a tool that caters to the soul, as the soul carries a series of life time experiences". i think there is some truth it in. why do we do things that we can't understand, and consciously, we know we shouldn't be doing it. interesting. choices; i think it's a good thing to an extend, i have choices to go with. it's a situation where gives me liberty to make a decision that may very well shape my life. i'm not going to go with the flow, neither i'm determine to sculpt my life....

i just got my answer =)

back to msn

2010-02-22T10:29:00.002+08:00

time flies when we are together, and crawls when we are apart.

i love spending time with you.

combo day

2010-02-15T02:23:00.003+08:00

First of all, a big shout out to those celebrating Lunar New Year. Hope the 'harvest' is just as good as last year if not better. Those in business, be there more revenue, and profit. Those working, may promotion and increment pave the way to harmonious life. And wish everyone excellent health, great prosperity, and abundance of love.

speaking of love, i heard this is the only clashing between western calender of valentine, and eastern calender of chinese celebration in this millennium. don't you think it's quite cool.

i think we are a bunch of lucky fellas. able to witness some amazing things in our life time. the turn of the millennium, booming of computers, internet, tragic disaster like tsunami, eclipse that appears once every thousands of years, and... maybe you could chip in some.

anyway, talking bout love. hmm... a topic that melts a person's heart if written melodically, weakens the knees if words pierce through the skin, and shakes the soul when express sincerely.

so far, it's been a good period for both of us. the normal stuff that we any other couple that you bump in the street. just that, i think we gone through slightly more during this short period of time than any other couples. well, at least more than what i've been through.

i think i've been rather lucky to be involve in this one. i must say, it didn't expect to start out like how the cliche stories lines we see in movies. and it certainly didn't go well after a rocky start. many think it's bad fung shui, karma, or whatever they could come up with. the way i see it... i think it's working pretty well, and i learn an awful lot bout being in a relationship that i never even know.

starting one it's easy, maintaining one... it definitely involves hard work. sometimes we are kinda naive, as to think that relationship should be all lovey dovey. of course we could, and we must have. however, if we look at a different angle; running your own life is tough work, what else can you say if you put two souls together. ain't it be more tough?

aiks.. it's valentine, and new year. why am i getting all emotional and wordy. apologize for straying off a little.

have a great week ahead everyone,...

Happy New Year, and Happy Valentine's day. may everyone receives abundance of joy, abundance of wealth, and great health.

pushing the wrong buttons

2010-02-10T21:43:00.002+08:00

as of late, i think i pissed off many people

i don't know what did i do actually in that spur moment. however, i will regret for the actions that i have take. words piercing through the heart, it's hard to just put a band aid or two across the wound just like that. scars will always remain.

just this morning, while driving to work. the usual.. jam all the way to work place. there's this car who wanted to cut to my lane, i couldn't break in time, and my car was in front of him. yet, he still insist of cutting to my lane, our rear mirror brush together, and i honk him along the way for his persistent. the next time i know, he bang his window so hard, i could hear it even my windows are close. his eyes ranging from anger, literally almost popping out. i swear he would run me down if he was driving a tank or lorry. serious.

maybe my action has cost him to go blow his top, after stressful times in the morning.

it's not entirely my fault lo. reasons:

1) he did not put his indicator. thinks that his grandfather road

2) it's my lane, in theory... and i got a choice to let him pass or not

3) i want to eliminate road bully. i was prepare to fight if he stops in front of my car. (cuz we almost the same size) lol

4) i want to get into youtube, just like the video taken in LDP. heee

having said that, from now onwards, i try to be nice~ full stop. i still got 75 years to live.

3 must

2010-02-07T11:39:00.004+08:00

attended a talk yesterday, with the mom. it was quite an insight. i like to attend this speaker's talk, it's always light hearted, and.. as i said, insightful.

the speaker mentioned quite a few things that caught my attention, and made me reflect certain things that has and going to happen to me. and today, i'm just gonna talk bout 1 of the points that i could remember.

humans need to have 3 mus, otherwise we will die. some may have studied this in psychology. and in my faint memories, i think one of the lecturers in bpsych must have talked bout it. anyway, 3 must.

1st must. we must do something.

imagine, if we just sit down and staring at the milky way, or lie on bed all day doing nothing...everyday. we are no different than the body buried six feet under. hence, we need to find something to do. anything, at least it's something.

2nd must. we must do something we love.

doing something we enjoy/love is something... one can't explain to the next person that do not get what you're doing. to a destroyer of the environment, they could never get what the humanitarian effort in saving the planet they love. or something like that.

3rd must. we must have something we hope for.

this is kinda subjective. why? humans strive on things that bring them hope. a glimmer of hope would push beyond a human's capacity that they never could imagine. you could say, hope is what keeps us alive. whereas, hope is something that could ruined our life too, literally. as one hope that his/her children to get rid of an addiction. sometimes, it's just kinda hard. rationalization could immediately take place. but that is a whole new dimension that one should consider.

these are the 3 must one must have. if not, one may die. come to think of it. it does make a whole lot of sense. if you find something to LOVE to DO, and putting HOPE into it. as many that have found their passion, they claim that they never work a single day of their lives. all because they enjoy doing what they love, and hope it will blossom to something more.

-the end-

dialog

2010-01-28T21:59:00.001+08:00

I miss you

Why do you miss me?

Because i've found everyone

contentment

2010-01-20T21:51:00.004+08:00

does life meant to be a struggle?

some say yes...

some say no...

so how ar? i also don't know.

i'm been fortunate enough that i don't really suffer, and i usual get what i want in life. it may be simple things. though sometimes i wish i have a Ferrari, or a condo in the heart of the city that costs 2 million. nevertheless, those are just wish list. having said that, so what if you have all those things? ain't life still the same? you may be eating a more expensive food (over-rated), drink nice wine (die faster), drive fast car (higher chance of dying) okok... it may not neccessary happen.

see the point. people will just give a thousand reason that the Ferrari is a lousy car. ultimately, probably are just envious they couldn't touch it.

on the other hand, do you need to drive Ferrari to survive? do you need 3 servants to take care of each of your children? do you need 8 bodyguards following you around? ma fan~

i came across a phrase; contentment is a mind of desireless and inactivity.

it just seems contradicting to our modern society of thriving for success, going for the 'good' things in life. come to think of it, what are the good things in life? coming back to the question; is it bigger house? fancier watch? LV? bird nest for breakfast? for crying out loud, most of the things come from china. and probably made by a labourer who earns peanuts and may not have the skill.

so, who's to judge if those are good things in life? we're just being sold that society needs this to achieve such status.

oh well, if you realize.. i'm probably not so content bout my life right now. see the amount of complains. each and everyone of us are far from achieving contentment in life. yea.. i'm just bringing everyone in to join the bandwagon. haha..

primary gathering

2010-01-17T22:13:00.002+08:00

today had a gathering with fellow primary classmates. everyone seems to be 'bigger' than last time.

first thing our former class teacher did after she sat down. 'what ya doing now?', 'are you attached?' 'when are you getting married?' 3 standard questions to everyone of us. it's the same like last time, bout... 6 years ago? only then, she didn't insert 'when are you getting married?' question.

i was rather quiet today. doing natural observation (trying to imply what i've learn as much as i can after leaving uni) hoho

report: everyone seems the same. not much changes. those pretty back in primary, remains the same. those bigger size than normal, still remains the same. those quiet, still remains the same. haven't seen those who have drastic changes, maybe they didn't turn up. or maybe everyone is just trying to go back to how it seems to be like when you're 12. kiddy and naive.

sounded like i'm damn old.

anyway, a few are getting married this year, 1 or 2 already married a couple of years ago. some are venturing into business, and 1 wants to go back to school. others are still single and available (mostly are gals).

hmm~ i don't know how to end this. i think pretty soon pictures will be up in facebook.

oh... 1 last thing, gathering seems kinda fun la. you get to see the growth how a person change over a period of time. k la, don't want to throw in psychology whatnot terms in here.

ooo~~ start work ledi

2010-01-13T23:57:00.002+08:00

i think i made a very good impression today.

first day of work... and i was late for 25 minutes. anyone wanna salute me?

*shakes head* *no eye see*

traffic was horrible. and i didn't expect it to be that bad. drive motorcycle also stuck in between the cars. tomorrow need to get up even earlier.

is the part where work suck even before work starts. woot~~ it rhymes, kinda.

as i was saying, upon reaching office, i barely caught my breath as i was sitting down. boss throw me a project to handle. i stone there for couple of minutes while he explained the details. he stop abruptly, 'you don't have to take down the details?'. i scramble for pen and paper, and was handled to me by his partner gleefully.

that was the highlight of my first day in work.

end of story.

you can close this window, and do your stuff.

crossroads

2010-01-11T12:54:00.003+08:00

i think i've blogged this before. anyway, i'm in the middle of crossroads again. it's nothing new. we all face it all the time. making a decision, hoping that it's the right one. weighing the consequences, hoping that it seems fair to every party.

i'm being offer a job, seems alrite. i don't know about the potential of the company, as it's still rather new and relatively small. just a handful of staffs running the entire operation.

one of the reason i'm still thinking is not because of the job scope, it's not because of the salary, and it's not because of the distance from home (it's opposite Segi College). rather i'm still longing for the opportunity of working abroad. more importantly, i'm still longing to be with you.

though things will work out it's course if we have the determination. somehow, i'm still hesitating.

i've been talking and thinking bout working abroad since... can't remember when. even before 3rd year of degree started, i think. somehow, it hasn't materialize. hmm... maybe it's not the time yet.

sometimes life is funny and weird. it sets you up for a totally different experience even though you do not wish to feel that way. however much you try to avoid, it's just pushes you over the edge and making you take that fall. by then, you will struggle, testing how hard your arms could flap, utilizing whatever you have, just so that you won't fall so hard. if you are ignorant enough, you'll just be wipe out from the face of this earth. if you survive, there's another cliff, there's another stream waiting for you. the good thing is, it will make you stronger. it will make you more aware. noticing the edge of the cliff is nearby or witness it from far. you start to plan ahead, making sure you will be better off than the one the wind is pushing you towards it.

i just login to jobstreet, 4 applications have been turn down. malaysian are that bad in work performance as compare to singaporeans?

haihzz.. maybe i'll sleep on it, and answers will pop into my head.

thesis meh

2010-01-10T22:12:00.003+08:00

4000 characters...

seriously... my thesis is over you know...

i only manage to write one eighth saje... =/

it's either i don't know what are my qualities are, or i just don't know what to talk bout my qualities.

haha... sounds the same. ----> blame thesis for encouraging us to crap.

first post of the year*

2010-01-03T01:04:00.004+08:00

new year, new beginning?

hmm...

i'll just start with where i've left off and make it even better and greater.

as for those not so good events, and wanting to forget,

let's just close the chapter.

easier said than done.

i'll try...

resolutions??

i'm still working on it...

what's my plan?

KROW

spell backwards pls

i got a couple of calls actually.

let's hope that i get what i want.

lastly...

Happy New Year everyone. let's make this year better than the previous

the previous

years

empty

2009-12-23T16:30:00.002+08:00

monday was the last nite i probably get to see everyone. though there would be opportunities that we could meet up. however, you know. work sometimes can take it's toll.

as i could observed that nite, everyone was so excited taking pictures, flaunting their dresses and tuxedos. some look stunning, and some look gracious. as everyone attempts to record and save a piece of history into their memory bank. somehow, i don't feel anything. why?

4 years in college. i couldn't say it's a waste of time. as i mentioned before in previous post. i learn awful lot, and have a great bunch of friends.

maybe i'm just not good at saying good bye. on the other hand, is there a need to say it. is not like i'm vanishing or people are leaving. they will always linger around. it's just a matter of whether we want to keep in touch. a bunch of excuses, kevin saw.

so... saying good bye.... just can't do it

4 years

2009-12-17T23:28:00.002+08:00

...in college.

time flies rather quickly. in the blink of an eye, i'm done with college life.

what's next?

most likely work. though i would like to enjoy a few more months. i could enjoy after 5 years. or maybe lesser. ( i can hear chants 'whoa.. you're gonna be a millionaire isit?', 'retire by 30?') LOL... who knows?

after all these while, why i don't feel anything? is this suppose how one should feel when you finished your last sentence, and tearing off your exam dockets, throwing your books, and showing your hand to the invigilator while she hands you subjects available next semester; "keep the paper, i won't be coming back".

seriously, i don't feel anything. maybe a lil sense of relieved. but why. or does it have to be after i received my graduation scroll? hmm.. i'll leave it as it for now.

i certainly don't want to come back. *touch wood* i have my share downs and scares. hopefully is smooth sailing.

i enjoyed my time in HELP, great companions, travel mates, excellent motivators, and all these i've never experience before i came into HELP. at least, it's some thing different. though i long to stay.. but my time is up.

another chapter unfolds, and greater things awaits me. and i hope i could embrace it all.

to friends that are still there that reads my blog. i sincerely wish you all the best. do keep in touch. be it futsal, yum cha, travelling, or movie day....

cheers to greatness of our lives

got car, but don't know where to go

2009-12-07T23:43:00.002+08:00

you long for a car, and you finally got it. keys were given to you. you pack your bags, stock up some food, and ready to hit the road. you plunged the car key into the ignition, shift the gear to [D], release the hand break. you look up with full of energy and enthusiasm, only to turn sour and hunch your back to next breath you take.

you don't know where you want to head to.

many of us... are just like that. given the tools, given the opportunity, we just don't know where to head to. a blank slate of mind as to where we should be heading. consciously we want to go somewhere, we just don't know if we should be going there. is it necessary to go there at the first place. and what would you do if you have reach the suppose destination.

'sometimes we should let go of what we have planned; for things to fill in as time unfold itself'

hope for the N time

2009-12-07T10:55:00.000+08:00

i type in "hope" at the search bar of edit posts. and there were more than 50 posts that i used the word "hope"

i don't remember if i said this before, and i usually forget what i've written. even it's yesterday's post. @.@

anyway, hope... it's something that drive each and every one of us forward. hope is something we cling on to when despair is all we could feel. hope it's just a way of saying, i'll try... when sometimes trying is just not enough. 'hope' is a faint prayer that just dies of once we open our eyes and unclutched our hands. they say faith is all we need, but where is faith, and how do you define faith?

Lord Jesus?

Allah?

Buddha?

or Myself?

i'm not a strong believer in religion. neither do i reject any of them that could possibly shed light when i'm searching for answers. i've step into temples and churches. seek for answers in front of the 'cross' and 'statues'. and so far, none gave me the answers that i'm seeking. some say, you need to study it before you form your judgement. others just ask you to believe god is in everyone of us. funny, i tend to buy the latter's idea.

when we hope and pray for something, usually we hope that it will go well for us, and probably move on to others. wishing them well. it's nothing less noble that we pray and hope for the best of well-being of others. just that... we are selfish. and nothing wrong. we tend to protect our welfare first, and others second. even it's unconditional love. i might be just opening another can of worms. you see, by providing love and care towards the others, your heart tend to be at ease, align with your own belief. you are calming yourself by putting others in priority. you feel good after doing so. it's actually a double-edge sword.

coming back to the idea of hope, we tend to get disappointed every time when we put every ounce of energy hoping for the best. in the end, we rationalize things happened for a reason, and it could be the betterment for us. there are things we could learn from. trying all to act positive and being optimistic about the situation that smack right in front of your face; with 'you're in deep shit' sign looming.

all i'm saying... some times it's tiring to hope. things that don't go your way, it's frustrates you to the max. the irony part is we all hope for the better. question is, are we doing anything to improve the situation, and climb out the rabbit hole.

responsibility

2009-12-04T11:37:00.002+08:00

when it comes to study, i think i put the least amount of effort into it. and i was told i should put more effort into it. maybe it's the continuous cycle back in high school. never really give a damn bout education.

the irony, i'm still in school, even when i should be working. thou it's another couple of weeks till i graduated. but it always gives me mixed feelings when i think bout it. in the end, i just put it aside. always.

ask my friends around me, they think that i'm never serious bout it. work, however is way more important.

now... i surprise myself that i'm actually a lil more concern bout studies as compare to work. maybe because i'm jobless, or it's a group project, and i don't want to be held responsible.

straight to the point. i was assigned to do the documentation of video for a paper, and i wasn't sure how to go about.

i emailed the group members, none reply. maybe they have blocked my email from entering their box once presentation it's over.

maybe they just don't care bout the 5 marks.

anyway, problem arise, and i msg one of the most responsible member (my opinion), and he never reply.

i'm trying to run away from responsibility, but i'm facing a problem, and none give a damn. so... as part of the team, who is helplessly helpless. i should flight rite. i'll deal with it only i got caught la.

p/s: i don't usually act this way. don't assume/presume/judge that i'm always like this =p

2009-12-02T12:41:00.002+08:00

ding dong ding dong ding dong

contemplating what to do next. sometimes decision is just not easy to make. don't know which one to take, and fear it will be a bad one. there is never wrong or right, every decision made, opens up another possibility for us to experience. having said that, rational is way easier than doing the actual thing.

lion city is not far off from 1-malaysia. don't even have to think of ozzie. though they are opportunities opening up. i'm not sure which path should i take.

i'm sorry if i said we need to make decisions there n then. even it is laid down for us. sometimes every factor needs to scrutinize to the dot before making one. and i'm no different than you.

coming back, i've tried knocking on a few doors down south, and people seems to be peeping from the window, which is a good sign, at least they don't shut you down first.

dad has been more than helpful and exceptionally encouraging. which... which....

sometimes i take for granted what i have, and i've been truly lucky to have them around me. i wouldn't say it's the best parenting style, at least they tried. i understand they have their own to live, and they try their best to provide what they could for us. if not for them, things would be very different.

i'm going all over the place, and it's a mess.

by the way, thesis defence wasn't good. i let myself down. but i'm glad that it's over. and hopefully it's not as bad as i think it will be.

finals it's in 2 weeks

after that.. work? or have some fun..?

evolution theory

2009-11-29T21:30:00.000+08:00

does evolution theory applicable?

after researches and experiments that has been tested over and over again, it's hard to argue that it's a false claim. furthermore, if it wrong, that would make Darwin look like an idiot.

how do you distinguish between right from wrong, or the other way round. how do you differentiate the superior from the weaker ones following the natural selection process proposed and validated by Darwin himself.

i don't know.

my believe is, it all boils down to the energy and frequency that is or was tuned in by both parties. when both are align, you can talk, joke, make love and babies. as for animals, survival of their species takes centre stage. survival of the fittest remains true, because genetic transmutation and fusion of both strong genes will breed a better offspring. biologically, it makes perfect sense. however, it's just shows that we have a genetic advantage; smarter, fitter, and culturally more advance (where you were born). in a way, it gives you a head start. (if only we know how to take advantage of it).

then again, Chris Langan was tagged as the human with the highest IQ in the U.S. meaning, he's smarter than Einstein. and he lives in a bunk.

yet, from time to time, we heard stories that people defy the odds to become famous, utterly rich, or where they think they deserve to be. we get to hear stories from Oprah shows, or even MLM annual conference.

Sternberg was quoted there are different areas of intelligence besides the common 'book smart' and 'street smart' terms. and he believes that everyone is different, in terms of area we excel in. it's true that some may possess any of the abilities propose by him, yet again, it depends on each individual desire to make the most of the situation given and change things around towards what they ultimately desire (defying odds).

at the end of the day, it boils down to us as to how we want to live, what is the guideline for comfortable, what is joy, where is the bar of superiority that we should chase after. ultimately, it's just the choice that we made through what we really want, that's all the matters.

disclaimer: above is purely personal opinions, that has no scientific backing

6 weeks

2009-11-08T21:00:00.002+08:00

6 more weeks.. time really does fly. finally graduating soon. it's still early to talk bout graduate. as anything could happen, as it has for last couple of years. unexpected events pop up here and there. i'm pretty convince i could go this through this time. *fingers crossed*

i wanted to write how i feel after this 4 years in HELP. maybe i'll save it for 6 weeks later. maybe i would have a difference perspective again. as it have during my time in college.

let's hope i won't forget...

shut down

2009-11-07T17:05:00.004+08:00

i'm thinking of closing down this blog...

gossip

2009-10-29T01:56:00.005+08:00

things seems more funnier and interesting when the topic and subject ain't about you.

it's bad

BUT we still do it =)

quarter of century

2009-10-25T00:00:00.002+08:00

in a few more moments, i'll be turning 25. quarter of a century gone. time really flies. literally.

and in a few more months, i'll be graduating. what would my feelings be? well, i don't know. is there a sense of achievement? probably? it is something i attempt to complete, not whole-heartedly, but at least i tried. things haven't been smooth sailing. hopefully things will get better soon. i still don't know why i insist of taking up this course. is it because of ego? or is it just to prove i could do something in a long run? is it not to left behind? or i just want to blend in with the norm? i don't know how to answer those questions, neither do i have the answers. nevertheless, i'm glad that i enrolled into this course. there are tremendous learning that have learnt and yet to be learn. there are companions that i would never trade for any other thing in the world. i don't know why is there tears scrolling down, but... i guess it's just emotional, to me at least. somehow, there is a sense of closeness that i have never felt before throughout my life. and i grateful to have crossed path with this kind and amazing souls. they may seems normal on the outside, but deep down, they just blow your mind. at least it did to mine. i'm leaving soon. i don't know how close we're gonna stay. hopefully close enough that we could still come out and have a drink once or twice a month. some say it's just a phase in our short life here on earth, i do agree with them. hopefully this phase could last a lil longer.

i realize i questioned myself a lot lately. raising doubts i could accomplish such and such tasks. you see, i'm not a confident person. my self-esteem is in an all time low. i don't know what would happen when i come out to the working world. hopefully i could survive and start picking my pieces of confidence quickly enough. i just admire those could walk gracefully and walk with full of confidence along the street. leading some group or just do task with such confidence. i don't know are they pretending, or they really have. both ways, i respect their ability. some friends say i have that in me. problem is, i just don't see it myself. even with mirrors around me. i just don't see it. believe me, it is very frustrating.

earlier on, i mentioned i question myself, i asked a lot of questions. and these questions just don't seems to have an answer to it. and i hate it. i think i'm a problem solver. i like to find a solution to it. i wouldn't lose sleep because of it. but i get angry at myself for not finding the answer. i didn't know i could be that harsh on myself. until few moments ago. that brings me to setting standards for myself. i set pretty high standards for myself. sometimes, it's just unbelievable. the downside is that i give up easily, way too easily. clearly that had lead to disappointments after disappointments. and ultimately = no confidence.

i think i've wrote about confident, self-esteem, self worthy, etc. many a times in this blog. and it is self -actualization. somehow, it doesn't seems to be heading anyway. sometimes i question God. 'is He testing me?' i accept. 'how long more should i go through this?' this is sometime i can barely give in. when there is glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel? i quickly and bravely walk towards there. what i found? it's just a bunch of fire-flies lingering around. i guess i could link fire-flies with HOPE. it s**k but to accept hope is all there is to keep us alive. how can we break this cycle? i'm still searching for the answer.

omg, i can't believe you're still reading.

i was suppose to talk bout... heck, i don't know what was i talking, not even after scrolling up and refer to the topic.

i guess for the first time, it met the title of this blog. endless words/scroll.

happy birthday to me

2009-10-24T08:35:00.001+08:00

mould and shape, mould and shape, mould and shape....

2009-10-22T01:22:00.002+08:00

just not good enough

a volte

2009-10-16T09:28:00.015+08:00

sometimes...

just sometimes...

if only i could be that lil more...

bull

2009-10-16T02:07:00.000+08:00

am i really that stubborn??

reality check

2009-10-14T02:00:00.002+08:00

is time to stop thinking...

as if i was doing it at the very first place.

Kevin... look at the bright side, and everything is gonna be alright.

practise...

law of polarity

2009-10-12T06:00:00.000+08:00

why can't a person deliver only happiness?

because by being sad you know what is happiness.

within sadness, we get to experience joy.

just like tall and short, we don't know how short person feels, unless we experience it.

we know how hot and cold feels, because we experience it.

we live in the world govern by the law of polarity. everything has a balance to it. and how we balance things up? well, that's an art that it will take a long time to master.

bertukar

2009-10-07T18:00:00.000+08:00

things are forever changing at a lightning speed, that life. and truth is...

it's getting faster and faster

complains?

2009-10-06T15:35:00.004+08:00

the eyes never lies. behind that big genuine smile, proximity that lure a person close to you, it could easily blind one what is right from wrong. and somehow, it's fascinating, the always ignorant one could see through it.

in the world full of lies... how long can one prolong to hold him or herself to be truthful to themselves. one should always long for that, but somehow it is not easy to materialize in this frenzy, manipulative world.

however holy, however pure, we ought to practice bias. and certain prejudice will always tend to float on the surface. it's a laughable stock, when one preach their principle, and not living the way they should be. basically it's just opposing to ones core belief. on the scale of 1-10 for oxymoron, it falls at 10.

wuu... again

2009-10-06T09:54:00.002+08:00

ride on the waves,

never let go,

and it soon will be over...

faith is all i need,

companions is all i long,

courage is all i must have....

after this long and self-inflicting pain,

have i gone stronger,

or have i strung?

it seems i'm neither here nor there,

it's just awareness that keeps me intact

what i experience is nothing new,

it's just a lil early than the norm would knew.

alas, i praise universe once i've figure it out through.

it wasn't suppose to be a poetry,

as i'm struggling to string words even it's just words of three.

human chimney

2009-10-03T21:40:00.002+08:00

went to my first visitation to a plantation/factory/field trip few days ago.

the smell of tobacco makes me wanting to stay even further away from it. but sometimes temptation do kicks in. anyhow, i'm proud that i did not light up a cigarette for 2 days in a room full with smokers. period.

things that goes around my head

2009-10-03T00:09:00.003+08:00

there is a saying, 'if you dream long and hard enough, your dreams will come true'. same goes to, 'if you desire for something

i begin to doubt that part. things doesn't seem to work it's way to the designated point that i desire. they say, 'everything happens for a reason'. and there are obstacles that challenges us before we are strong enough to claim the ultimate prize. what if you are not up to task? means; no finish line? i don't know, it's hard to predict the future. even it is pre-planned, sometimes or rather most of the time... things just don't work out just like you wanted. it deviates to a path that could is totally a different experience. things could be better or worst than the original goal. why does this happen then? why do we need to plan ahead if things seems unclear and misty.

i see some humans, they just live one day at a time. and they seems so much happier. could this happen to me as well? things that i longed for, doesn't match the current state i am in. it's contradicting. when things contradict, it makes a person confuse. ultimately, depress.

what if things are just unachievable? the saying goes; 'everything that is imagine of, will be a reality'. some say that 'you always get the things that you wanted'. is that so? if i could get the things i desire, why am i not getting it? is the request too big for even god to handle? i don't think that's the problem. but what is? timing? effort? knowledge? skills? talent? wisdom? ignorance? stupidity?

i'm rationalizing my way out. and it doesn't seems to be working. the thoughts are... just like the title suggested.

futsie futsal

2009-10-01T10:11:00.002+08:00

haven't been updating as frequent as i hope for. anyhow, let's start the ball rolling again.

if you think i was busy with my stuff, actually not so. i just don't know how to put in words what i'm thinking.

on the lighter note, i manage to organize a futsal competition. that's right. a badminton lover organizing a futsal competition, that doesn't make any sense. however, i do play quite regularly as compare to badminton. so i guess it makes a little sense.

back to the story. last weekend, a few of us from the company i'm interning decided to organize a competition for the youth as part of the activities for SWA. what is SWA? Success Warrior Ambassador, it's a youth club that strive for success not just academic to youth but more of a holistic approach. i'm not saying, once you join the club, you would be success. however, it is a platform for youth to polish up a set of valuable skill that is important when we face the harsh, cold reality of working force. and no doubt, i've learn stuff that uni or college never taught us.

enough of promoting, i'll talk bout it some other time.

back to the story again. =P it was way much tougher than i thought. and honestly, the preparation wasn't good. there were many things i didn't give consideration about. and many things that were totally unexpected. i didn't draw up the schedule earlier, was short of man-power, teams were in fight, and rm1500 is alot of money...to a team consist of 7 players.

why would i say so? if you divide the prize money, it's about 200 each. i'm not saying it's a small amount, it's still money. however, some fail to see the bigger picture of sportmanship, for the good of a game. and most importantly, to have fun. some teams were driven by the animal instinct inside them, barbarians that think they are strong enough they could bring down anyone, using their fist instead of feet.

yes, it's okay to be competitive. but some idiots got over-clouded by monetary and ego. and they think they are so damn good, in actual fact, they are not. when the chips are down, they only know how to blame. best of all, the organizer get a share of the blame as well. i do admit my short comings, and it was a lesson well learned.

it was supposed to be a picture fill post. and it got side-track. my apologies.

pictures will be up soon. =D

row row row your car

2009-09-12T14:03:00.001+08:00

3 hours in the car...

can alter a person's perception and made certain decision.

pouring out

2009-09-11T18:00:00.001+08:00

i've come to realize something. i've been seeking acceptance. acceptance as a son, as a friend, as a colleague.... every lil thing that i've involve in people around me. or at least i tried to be involve.

unconsciously, it's what i have been doing all these years. without realizing, it seems like a chore. it's not bothersome, it's not tiresome. it just seems like a part of me.

funny as it may sound. why do we seek acceptance, especially acceptance from others. why can't we just please ourselves. why go through shit for your friends, associates, family etc.? one of the reason? we are afraid of being lonely. nobody likes to be lonely. nobody. bullshit, if anyone could live life without anybody. in some rare case, yes maybe. but i'm talking from a normal, functional society. yes, there are saints and monks and nuns who live in caves and forest, who has no social contact whatsoever with their outside world. like i said, in some rare cases.

why do i keep on stressing, that nobody likes to be lonely? (i don't know, i just feel like saying). okay.. back to acceptance. the opposite word of acceptance; rejection. the fear of rejection from anyone we care and hope to gain acceptance will clearly damage our significance as well as ego. both plays a part. imagine; you're walking on a street, where you know every single person. and no one lifted a hand to say hi, or smile at you. how would you feel? imagine as well; if everyone acknowledge you, how well would your ego be boost? both has devastating affect, and it could go either a positive or negative way.

besides feeling significant, comes along joy and peace of mind. people treat you differently. there is a sense of pride knowing very well that people that you care will be there for you when you need them. ironically, we human has been design in such a way that we could overcome anything. and we need not to have assistance from anyone. so, why do we need approval of certain party to proclaim our very own existence?

things could have been better, if i've done this, said that. sadly, things sometimes doesn't turn out the way we wanted (cliche as it may sound, but it's true). i act on impulse. i go with the feel. i don't give a damn, if i want it to go my way. and in the course of those actions, things usually turn out quite badly. sigh.

looking back, i don't have a friend who can consider my childhood friend. i really admire those who has, knowing them for years and years. wow! that just blow my mind. how can they grow up in the same or different environment and still could be very good friends. i don't feel sad, nor feeling pity in the sense. because i know there is something else that is driving me and my friends apart. and it's one of the rules and regulations of friendship.

these are the foundations of frienship. one thing i've learned is never end the friendship abruptly. it's like hitting the emergency breaks, and kicking your friend out of the car. the consequences? let's just say it's not good.

and how does it link to acceptance? well, when we reach a certain level of friendship, and understanding of the fundamental of it. acceptance may be the least thing you should worry about.

talk to me

2009-08-31T13:47:00.000+08:00

generally, there are two types of people who talks to you.

the ones like you

the ones really like you

think think think ting ting ting ting

2009-08-30T21:40:00.005+08:00

u know what happens when you got nothing better to do during the holidays?

U START TO THINK OF NONSENSE.

things that never occur in your mind, suddenly pops up like mushrooms, light bulbs start lighting everywhere. good or good? it depends... optimistically; you got break throughs, you have enlightened. pessimistically; you are just bored. either way, it doesn't matter.

there's a research done in the States, statistically is shows that more than 90% of the population DON'T THINK. 5% thinks THEY THINK. and only a hand full, REALLY THINK. George Bernard Shaw famous for his playwrights, music and politics involvement once said, "i only think one or twice a year, and i'm world famous". so, really, if you really think you're thinking? hmm... highly unlikely.

i would like to fall into the category of 'a hand full' in that particular research. but sadly, i'm far from it. at most, i THINK i'm in the category of 'thinks THEY THINK', at most. i would term it as; analyze situations and matters on hand. and never thinking.

once again, comes down to the question, do we really think? and what does thinking truly mean? to my understanding... it's the ability to entertain a brand new idea.

face value?

2009-08-27T14:37:00.000+08:00

after all, people do care what others think. no matter how ignorant a person can be. i finally acknowledge this matter after... sometime. and yes, i could be a very ignorant person.

i've been labeled as 'cold blooded', i won't deny any of the accusation. and if 'ignorance is bliss' is anyhow true, i think i live up to it's 'status' to the fullest.

why do i act and react in such way? probably i'm not prepare to accept the fact, and running away is the best possible way; at that moment in time. ironically, i always tell others to face the fact, and approach each possible issue as optimistically as they could. on the other hand, i couldn't do so. all i could do now, it's just let out a sigh, and smile.

how stupidly i could be

roles

2009-08-27T02:50:00.002+08:00

i was told to revaluate my role.

challenge is.. i don't know where to start. is not that i hold many roles. and i don't think i play many roles. the roles that i hold, is fairly insignificant. really.

"my son is chairperson of student council". "my daugther is the manager of the xyz hotel". "my dog is the leading pack of dog society".

sometimes the roles i play, seems to be rather petty as compare to others. and always, yea always, shy away from the responsibility to take charge. social context that have mold myself into this current state? or should i start selling myself how much i could offer to this community and society?

in chinese, there's a saying, (direct translation) 'blank talk'. and it's the easiest thing to do on earth. just talking and boast, without proving what you have to really offer. in other words, talk cock. just bull yourself through. there are people who play this particular 'role' exceptionally well.

come on, you need to give them credit for this. they could sell themselves even knowing they don't possess any of the qualities they bullshit about. how cool is that?

unleash the potential within

2009-08-26T13:00:00.000+08:00

at times, it seems that you know so much, that i'll go all knees to worship and salute you. at times, it's just frustrating that you keep everything inside. i learn so much, every single time i hear you speak. nevertheless, i always regret that i never spend enough time with you.

you've pull me through the darkest and toughest times. and knowing you do it subtly makes it rather more impressive.

i hope i could do it more than you're doing, giving back more, sharing the things i know. however, knowing you, as selfish as always. things would take a long time.

having an impact and seeing others change for the better. it's something i could bear to see. it's something terrifying and fearful to the extend it sends shivers down my backbone. i don't know why... somehow, it's the pace that you're growing, it's just unbelievable.

3 words

2009-08-18T23:11:00.001+08:00

Excite me pls...

300 posts

2009-08-09T17:55:00.002+08:00

took me quite a while to reach this mile stone. =)

what can i sum up 3 years of blogging.

hmm... seems like i'm moving forward, seems like i'm backward.. seems like i'm still static.

Maslov once said, if you're not moving forward, you're moving backward.

so, where am i now?

thought it will be a long post? heh...

for the sake of updating

2009-08-09T05:52:00.002+08:00

it's unusually odd waking up at this sorta hour wandering in the house, doing literally nothing. in actual fact, i try every possible way to go back to sleep.

i couldn't hear birds chirping. is it because of sunday? or it is because the of haze, its died of suffocation.

it's still quite dark outside. staring out the window, waiting for the newspaper delivery guy to throw in Sunday Star. but it's sunday, he too sleeps a lil later than usual.

neighbour's dog is barking. it barks at unusual hours... while everyone is watching 7-9pm drama shows in Astro. and sometimes wee hours in the morning.

coming back, the haze is so bad, my nasal pipe is dripping like crazy.

moving along... LOL. oh ya.. *light bulb*

what is the barometer for acceptance of a person's flaws?

hmm... answer (mine of cuz)

it all depends on the person who is accepting, if you love that person whole heartedly, it doesn't matter who they are, what they made of, how they gonna become. love is above all? debatable... in the end, you still could accept them. nevertheless, it could always change. as things are never static.

hmm... i don't know how to end this. oh well, just take it as commersial break lah, okayy... =)

comebacknexttime

howdy yo~

2009-07-31T11:55:00.002+08:00

Good Morning~~

I'm a lil hyper this morning, must be the coffee i had just now. either way, i'm in a relatively good mood. so, bring me up the next notch alright?!? woohoo...!

i don't have nice pictures of me smiling... cuz i don't know how to.

note to self: learn to smile in the mirror whenever i'm in the bathroom

wedding aisle

2009-07-27T19:03:00.005+08:00

instead of the standard, boring walking up the aisle with the same old song being played since human invented music instruments...

it's nice to spice things up a lil...

disclaimer: i'm not getting married...

check this out ... click

pasar malam frenzy

2009-07-24T22:13:00.002+08:00

Uncle Bob fried chicken, china burger, Taiwan pizza, fried ice-cream, chocolate buble tea... these are just the few things you can get in a night market...

3 times for this week. a record for me.

Scrabble scrabbling

2009-07-22T10:27:00.002+08:00

PRESBYTERIAN:

When you rearrange the letters:

BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER:

When you rearrange the letters:

MOON STARER

DESPERATION:

When you rearrange the letters:

A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES:

When you rearrange the letters:

THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH:

When you rearrange the letters:

HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE:

When you rearrange the letters:

HERE COME DOTS

DORMITORY:

When you rearrange the letters:

DIRTY ROOM

SLOT MACHINES:

When you rearrange the letters:

CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY:

When you rearrange the letters:

IS NO AMITY

ELECTION RESULTS:

When you rearrange the letters:

LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS:

When you rearrange the letters:

ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT:

When you rearrange the letters:

I'M A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES:

When you rearrange the letters:

THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:

When you rearrange the letters:

TWELVE PLUS ONE

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

MOTHER-IN-LAW:

When you rearrange the letters:

WOMAN HITLER

ghostly students

2009-07-15T11:01:00.003+08:00

this is what kids been taught in school nowadays...

creative or wu liao?

credit to my bro; curi from his faebook

endless scrolls

next move

dream

i miss

workaholic

awaited break

time flies like *swoosh*

spend spend spend

to whom may concern

jerking

should or should not

5 days

BTW, it's work related

shelter and food

yet to be complete

1-0 up

round n round n round

it's not easy

First Valentine

mind readings

things done in year 2010

ramblings

Break

er.. title-less it is

random no. XX2

PHD

saturday

unexpected journey

phase

it

pariah hilton

M or H

random thoughts... begin

places to visit

rain rain go away

6 months

good enough

women's right

dosage

something heavy

fun time

tribute to boss

3 types again

working life

i shit also no time, you want me to do this

singapore => KL

neither here nor there

back to msn

combo day

pushing the wrong buttons

3 must

dialog

contentment

primary gathering

ooo~~ start work ledi

crossroads

thesis meh

first post of the year*

empty

4 years

got car, but don't know where to go

hope for the N time

responsibility

evolution theory

6 weeks

shut down

gossip

quarter of century

a volte

bull

reality check

law of polarity

bertukar

complains?

wuu... again

human chimney

things that goes around my head

futsie futsal

row row row your car

pouring out

time flies like swoosh