my commemorative speech

due to 'enormous' requests, i've decided to post my speech... lolz..
enjoy ya.. i hope *finger cross* hehe

I would like to commemorate a person whom I’ve known for a long time. Ever since he is a young kid, adults around him would disallow whatever things he wished to do. Things like climbing up the stairs, to joining the kids in the playground during the evenings. Usually the answer is a straight ‘no’. This is probably he was the only child.

The distance between his parents and himself were drawn further apart. This is because his parents were constantly working. There’s no one at home, besides grandma. Most of the time, he would be alone, either watching television or playing with his own toys.

His parents weren’t the best communicator in the world. His dad is a very quiet person; he will let his wife do the talking and scolding and his mom never listen. Deep inside, he knows what his parents’ good intentions were, but somehow he just had that feeling of irritation. Probably they weren’t there, when he needed them most. And the anger and frustration in him just couldn’t disperse in a snap of fingers.

He hated it when he is being nag, he hated it when he is being scold, and he hated it when he is always being proved wrong. Hence, he just distances himself from everyone, and bottling up everything.

During secondary he attended a boy school; he was a loner. Along came a boy who he thinks he could hang out together. He even joined his friends’ tuition centre, all just to mingle around with his friend. But one day, his best friend as he thought he was, betray him. And that causes him to bury deeper into his dark and quiet shell.

He wasn’t acing his subjects in school; neither was he making waves in the sport he loves most. He always hung his head low, slouching while walking along the corridors. His self-esteem is at his lowest. The only time he feels confident is during private training. He doesn’t have to compete with anyone but the thousands of shuttlecocks that were bombarded by his coach. He would run all over the court, hitting the shuttle as hard as possible,
stretching every muscle in the body. Sometimes, half way through the session, he would vomit. His face is as pale as snowflakes, legs and arms trembling, but he never complains, in fact he felt good, he was happy.

Like any other teenager, he had a couple of relationships. But none went well. Finally, he told himself that he should open up, and let someone fill up the emptiness in him. And his wish came true. He found someone that; as they often say, the other half that completes me. In fact, things went really well, for the first time after so many years, he thinks he has found happiness. The same happiness when he was in the court. Except, this was even better.

But things started to change, just 3 months after she went to overseas to further her education. The next thing he knows she told him she wants to call off the relationship. Reasons given? She found happiness there, and she’s thinking of getting a PR.

It was just like a heavyweight boxer landing the final blow on his opponent. He was totally knocked-out cold. I’m sorry… dead is a more appropriate word for it. You may come to think; come on man, just 6 months in a relationship, couldn’t be that bad. Believe me, I’ve question him exactly the same thing as well. I think he just couldn’t take it anymore.

If you are still wondering who this person is. He’s me.

Yes, my situation is not as bad as some who lost their love ones. But to me, losing a friend is like losing a part of me, let alone something that is precious to me. From the day I decide to move on, I have also decided to leave my mind, body and soul that have nothing but misery in my life at the graveyard of melancholy. Today I stand in front of you as a newborn person, just like a phoenix rising from the ashes once again; learning everything from zero, laying a pathway for greater things that lies ahead for me. For I know things will always get better the next time.

today woke up at 8, and i literally need to drag myself out of bed. i slept at 4am last nite. so u could imagine how groggy i was. there's a grp study organize by mandy freud in coll at 9. so must go. i've been so blur for the whole sem for psy 106, if i don't attend d 'intensive class', i think i need to see ms. Winnie d next sem, which i don't intend to. =)

i was really nervous for my final commemorative speech. i was feeling so unease the whole time i prepare the speech yester, don't know whether Mr. Carroll will approve not cuz he mention not to talk bout relatives and all. mine was worst, i talked bout myself, but i wanted to do something different. kinda weird rite, commemorate urself. ivy was teasing me the whole time in class, cuz she never see me so nervous for my previous speeches b4. =.=''

n wat's worst, i am the last speaker. do or die... i so wanted to pull out at the last min. since i know i oredi pass my subject. i was afraid they will laugh at me, i was afraid the lecturer will critisize me, and i was afraid of... i also dunno wat i'm afraid of la. zzzz....

i tink it turn out quite well, not as bad as i thought. at the end, got cheers and claps from everyone. probably they cheer n clap bcuz everythin is over, and they dun have to see the lecturer's face anymore but not my speech. lolz... who knows rite. doesn't matter. n thank god it's over. n i'm satisfy with what i did. hehe...

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mom called while i was sleeping, she said that v'll be eating out tonite. i said cool. it has been so long, that i can't even rmb when was the last time the whole family sat and have dinner TOGETHER. n share stories, and update each other a lil bout our lives. funny huh, we stay at the same roof, but we hardly gather together. everyone will be doin their own stuff.

anyway, i had loads of fun today. and i'm really happy that things turn out better than i expected.

gud nitez ppl...

p/s: if u want to see wat i wrote for my speech, i'll post it in the nex post, if not, forget it la... hoho...

women do cheat too

they always say men cheat on women due to women do not care for their men, and therefore they seek pleasure else where. other fact is probably the men is horny for younger women.
i came across an article saying reasons women cheat on men. and there are 10 of them!!

1) not enough sex.
2) being the bad girl
3) self-esteem
4) revenge/payback for past wrongs towards their partner
5) lack of intimacy
6) feeling neglected/ignored/under-appreciated
7) emotional withdrawal
8) bedroom boredom
9) exit strategy
10) revenge for cheating

if u can realise, 3-4 out of 10 r dealing with physical contact. so important huh..
n if u have any other suggestions, pls do leave a comment...

hehehe

recap

just a recap of what's happening to me for the past few days. don't bother to read, if ur not interested in my life happenings. =)

on saturday

went to coll as early as 9 am for colloquium. y so early? hmm.. ask my fren, michael. apparently want to finish early wor. good also la, can go back n sleep. cuz the previous nitez also din sleep much. nth much happen during colloquium except for a yr 2 senior who questioned the presenters bout their research methods.

yr 2 senior: y u didn't use pilot test?

presenter: cuz we... bla bla bla..

yr 2 senior: u shud hav use pilot test... bla bla bla

presenter: cuz we... bla bla bla.. (gettin pissed)

yr 2 senior: i understand, but u shud use pilot test, since.. bla bla...

d next grp comes in n present, n after the presentation.

same yr 2 senior: y u use pilot test in tis research?

presenter: cuz we want to compare... bla bla...

yr 2 senior: u shudn't hav use d pilot test, cuz.. bla bla...

presenter: but we want to.. bla bla.. (more calm than d previous presenter)

yr 2 senior: in my opinion, u shudn't use pilot test, bla bla...

if i were d presenter, i'll take my shoe n stuf it in his mouth. TMD!

after the judge has given comments, he's still talkin bout pilot test. all he likes pilot so muc... go study pilot la.. study psychology for wut.. =.=

after colloquium, finally get to go back zzzz.... at least for a couple of hours. less than 15 mins after dozing off, bro came rushing in remind me to send him to d court. less than half an hour, phone rang. walao...du lan... can't even reach stage 2 of my sleep.

went to 1U to meet up wit frenz after i drop my bro of d court in Pudu for his competition. had waffle for lunch. n d next program on d list, shopping. galz... anyway, i bought a pair of shoes for myself as well. wanting to get 1 for a long time, but didn't seems to find 1 tat suites my taste. hehe.. it cost 60 bucks. i think is still ok, cuz converse cuz bout 140 bucks. but aili n boon woei say is still expensive. i don't know how to shop la... next time take me along k..

bout 7pm, mike called. say he takde transport, so need to pick him up to go watch the liverpool match against newcastle at d roof top of 1U. the atmosphere not bad la, d only thing is the fans keep repeating the same songs over n over again. not other theme song meh. at 1 point, they chant their keeper's song, padahal, d keeper not doin anythin througout the match. unlike ManU rite, got 1 song for each player on the pitch. heh!!

atmosphere during the game

banners tat r hanged up to so the semangat.ness in them

some liverpool fans tat chicken out (at first) being interview by a BBC reporter.

good day for liverpool as they won 3-0 away to newcastle. but not so good for ManU as they lost 1-0 away to bolton. but they r still above liverpool. thats the main thing. hehe





on sunday.


teman my bro to the court for his competition the whole day. from morning till evening. tiring gile.. since i got nothing better to do. just teman lo. good brother rite. hehhe.. anyway, he lost in the quarter-finals in his singles, and got champ for his doubles event.







bro winning the double title with his partner
group pic for a chinese newspaper





after that went to meet up with frenz to makan dinner at ss2. bump into betsy, didn't expect to bump into anyone thou. terkejut aku.

(if u notice, is gettin more brief as i write. my semangat.ness is dropping, malas ledi) heh

anyway, went to get the cakes at secret recipe in TTDI, (still got 2 vouchers, finish it lo). suddenly my fren suggested v go 'small lil genting' in cheras. =.=''' i don't know y, but i comply to it. had fun there, cuz they were asking bout kinky stuff, and telling lame horny jokes and also observing a young couple reacting to each other. damn funny.



gah!! malas ledi... until then, i'll continue next time la k...


have a good day!

22 april - 13 nov

22 april - 13 nov. this is the period i will always rmb. it has brought so many sweet memories that are to be treasured, bitter notes to be reflect on. this is the period i would rmb for a long time, as it has bring significance meaning into my life, and along the way change who am i as a person. i wanna thank god whom shed light towards a wonderful person that has lid up my life, givin me the chance to learn so much from this person, as a friend, a companion, a partner, a lover and as well as a teacher. through this period of time, i've learn so much in life.

it is sad, for i couldn't learn and share anymore with this person; even i long for it not to end. the period of that chapter have been close; even i long for it not to be close. as much as it hurts, i need to let go; even i long for it not to let go. i need to move on with my life, as it wasn't meant to be. it takes courage and effort. on the other hand, it takes even greater courage for the other party to do so. and for that, i salute.

promises that has been made, are yet to be fulfill. promises that says we'll stuck with each other no matter what.. promises that says i'll be there for u... all these are yet to be fulfill...

there's nothing to be blame, there's nothing i could do. there's no more strength in me of lifting my finger swearing at as to why god treat me this way.

i don't know what the future lies ahead of me, as it is still greyish to me now... as we cannot foresee the future. but i know what i want, and i know He will allign something great for me. for i am grateful for things that happened, and will happen to me.


therefore, i hope god bless this person along the way, and guide this person thru the journey that lies ahead. amen...

went to mid valley for dinner with my frens. they were late, so i went to shop for my bro's present as it was his b'day yester. happy b'day bro!! heh... he's 15 this yr. i bought a wallet for him, as his oredi koyak gile... sad thing, i didn't get any present this yr. =.=

anyway, as i still have some spare time, i went studio R. was scouting for a pair of shoes. but couldn't find any. suddenly i saw futsal shoes. adidas, nike... all so expensive. gua bukan pro, buy so expensive for wut rite. so i ask d salesperson, n he intro Umbro. he told me that got new designs, n it arrived a day b4 yester. wow... good good... on top of that, i get 15% discount. lagi good good.. hehe.. cost me bout 76 bucks after discount =)

den i went to IT department to check out the price for external hard disc, and nano ipod. expensive leh, bout 500 ++ hmm... think bout it 1st le.. d price for external hard disc also quite costly, 120GB cost bout 300, and 160 GB bout 400 buck!! think think think bout it 1st le... probably i'll go low yat to get it, there shud be cheaper. ^.^

had dinner at shushi king, haven eat shushi for months!! (since july i think)

shushi king got promo for their salmon

my futsal shoes

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random pics i took it long long time ago...

mike n mandy (aaww... so sweet) lolz

smoking kancil

nth beats a hot steamy cup of coffee in d morning

lookin at d time, used to make me think of u

i seriously dunno who's t-shirt is this. i swear!!

tak jadi...

haihz... tried to create my own design of outlook for my blog, tapi tak jadi... spend almost the whole day looking for 1 design i like. when i manage to find 1, tak jadi also... d fonts la, this la, tat la.. all seems tak jadi 1.. haihz...

so, i'll temporarily revert to this template 1st, probably after finals, when i got lots of time.. then i'll slowly do it up. guess i'm not that good in those html stuff, even thou i took a class with Mr. Siva, i think he's gonna be so disappointed, when he sees his former student forgot what he had taught. gagaga...

it's 3 something, n i'm still not sleepy... hmm.. what shud i do next?? =.=

ha ha haa... didn't know i would get a response for sayin i miss some1. wonder what response i would get if i said...

i love you... you know who you la huh...

HEHE...

anywayz.. yes, i miss you ai li.

i also miss you michael. *puke* lolz

sharon u want me to miss you too?? hehe

how bout ivy? joie? gagaga...

and whoeva thinks that i mite be missing. i miss you all... (abit greedy rite) i know i know...

i miss your giggle, cuz it makes my day
i miss your lame jokes, cuz it makes me laugh my heart out
i miss your gaze, cuz it gives me confidence for being who am i
i miss your encouragement, cuz it gives me the strength to move myself another step forward

come back, come back... fill me up once again. as i know u make my day and others.

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i won't be making my trip to stadium shah alam to watch Pete Sampras, Roger Federer, Rafael Nadal :((((( i want to go!! *sob sob* y they didnt' pick me wor. anyway, i receive a job recruitment from my fren, workin for Nokia again... i tink it will be a pretty ez job, cuz is in Hilton hotel. ;)

k la, enuf of talking ledi...

once again,
i love you... you know who u r la, huh?? hehe

nokia wifi cafe

just finished my presentation today... i think i did ok thou... but it will be better, if i didn't uttered; 'erm... uhm... erm...' so many times. well, wat's been done is done, couldn't change anything also. just like life... what is done, is done... what to do?? just try to do better next time lor... =)

had a group study tis morning, everyone turned up late, cuz of massive jam in KL. don't know what's d reason for it. it was 10, but still so jam. =.= it went ok thou, considering i was in class, but i'm not in class for most of the semester. heh... don't know what the philipino teaching also. sienzz... anyway, i learned a few things from mandy 'freud'. TQ!

btw, i'm in secret recipe WORKING... and i'm blogging rite now... lolz... cool huh.
is so damn f***ing bored la. our job description?? sit and smile and wait for customers to ask 'wat is tis all about?' den only v can approach them. which most of the time, it doesn't really happen. according to the client for this event, they say is more PRO wor...i think is kinda stupid la.. where got such things 1 rite... anyway, for the sake of the $$, no choice la. just sit till 10.

so, don't be surprise if i write another post after my dinner. lolz

aiya, dunno wat to say ledi...

i miss you... you know who u are lo, huh? =)

tryin to utter something here...

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but...

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tryin hard not to be emo...

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but...

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OH WELL...

visualize

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bright light shining upon you... and you embrace it with both hands... accepting whateva that is shone... a sense of serene in the heart, and overwhelming joy fills up your body.

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I LOVE MYSELF!!

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gud nitez everyone

last emo post

y do i need to be so angry?
y do i need to be so disappointed?
y do i need to be so moody?
y do i need to care so much?
y do i need to hurt myself?
y do i need to cut myself to see how much i bleed?

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y can't i be happy?
y can't i be joyful?
y can't i change things?
y can't i ever fixed things?
y can't i be patient?
y can't i believe in myself?
y can't i believe in faith?
y can't i change for the better?


aarrhhh... i'm goin nuts!!
i need to stop thinking so much. and just set out what i'm suppose to do. go with the flow... and let nature take it's own course. first of all, i think i need to start treating myself better. i've been punishing my body and mind for the past 1 and a half months. and i realize is not helping at all. i can't control what's out of my boundaries, sometimes i need to accept that certain things is out of my control, no matter how hard u try to turn things around. at least i know, i've gave my all. and all i can do is control myself.

all thanks to U, i've grown stronger. and all thanks to U, i'm begining to push myself further. and all thanks to U, i know what i want in life.

yea... i've realise i've been emo-ing alot. i think tis would be my last emo post for the year. =)


'What you think, and what you feel, and what manifest, is always a match' quote from unknown author

p/s: i didnt cut myself. just an expression. althou i did try hurtin myself unintentionally. n it bleed... =.=''' accident

hav u ever go thru ur msn or yahoo messenger list, view who is online, and probably start a conversation from there on? yea... probably most of do the same thing, when we wanna find some1 to talk to.

but have u ever notice, what was the main reason of u talking to him or her?
subjective huh...

maybe he/she is ur good friend, u wanna pour ur feelings out, after a terrible/ happy incident.
maybe u like that person, u wanna talk to them.
maybe u just got his/hers email from the mall or on the street, (instead of number) and u chat with them.

etc
etc

on the other hand, have u notice their display or personal msgs, and what is being written. there will be loads of things being written, some just put their name, some are tellin u what they are doin, and what they are goin thru, n some are quotations n some are just pure bulls***

well, i take more note on wat is being written on their personal msgs. and some friends' quotes are really insightful and meaningful. n sometimes, their quotes does reflect on what i'm going thru and needs. is just funny, and i'm always amaze that when u wondering n searchin for answers, it always appears in front of me.

have it happened to u b4? well, it happened to me quite often. amazing huh

'ride'

n here i was talkin bout consistency a few weeks ago regarding my blogging in this blog. when i just view how long ago i've written a post. is bout 10 days ago. haihz...

is not that i don't want to blog... it's just... it seems nth is happening in my life. well, there are things, but is not appropriate to talk bout it. mentioning bout it, just puts more pain into it...

i've gone thru hell... well i wouldn't say is hell. erm... i would say i've gone thru a ride, n so far is the best ride of my life. oh, did i mention that is 'ride' instead of ride. well, it doesn't matter if u understand not. i'll explain in the future, if the time is rite.

back to my story, i've gone thru a 'ride', that is so incredible, i would never forget in my entire life. the shockness, the pain, the thrill of it... wow!! the feeling is just unbelievable. u don't know what i'm talkin bout, don't ya. heh~

just imagine...

when the road is pitch black dark, winding; as u wouldn't know when is the next sharp turn, narrow; as only 1 vehicle can pass. slight mistake from u, KABOOM!! u r probably rolling down d cliff. is so f***ing hard to drive.

is even harder to drive, when there are no lamp post along the road, when there's no passer by to ask for direction, and the person u tot u could rely, just went to sleep. tat's pain, is a real pain in the ass, when u know u could take the highway, following the traffic and big signboards, it seems more safe and guarantee that u will reach ur destination. but no! instead u make a turn u think is a short cut. u end up here, u can't make a u-turn, the only option is move forward.

it was real pain in the ass, as it was a difficult route to use. bumpy, winding, narrow n pitch black. it couldn't get worst than that. yea, at times i do have the regret of making the turn. but in the end, i'm glad i made the turn. as i wouldn't know there is another route i could take to reach the same destination. ya, althou is a more challenging route, by that, if gives me more time to reflect on my driving skill, my vision, and my reliabilty towards my passenger who's sleeping. some might think that's a waste of time, it would be so much easier if we have taken the highway. true enough, it's easy. but like i said, i've made the turn.

wat's there to life, if everytime we make a wrong turn, we just make a u-turn. is always not that easy as making a 3 point turn. furthermore, the road is narrow n winding, u couldn't possibly make a u-turn. the only option is to drive thru it. pitch black, winding, n narrow route. we still can reach the destination, it just take a lil while longer. but in the end, i think it makes the driver a better driver. as challenges make a person stronger. environment makes a person stronger. pain makes a person stronger.

i'm still in the pitch black, winding, and narrow route. nevertheless, i still have faith that i could reach my destination.